7 Things You Should Always Keep Confidential: Become a True Stoic
The Roots of Stoicism
Stoicism originated in ancient Greece and Rome as a practical philosophy of life. It focuses on cultivating self-control and mental resilience to handle life’s challenges wisely. Central to Stoicism is the ability to differentiate what we can and cannot control. The Stoics recognized that external things like fame, wealth, health and other people’s opinions are beyond our control. However, they stressed that we have absolute command over our judgments, values and how we respond to events.
Some prominent Stoic philosophers like Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, Epictetus and Zeno provided timeless wisdom and maxims on how to live a good life. Their teachings emphasized virtues like courage, justice, temperance and wisdom. By training our minds to remain calm under pressure and differentiate what we can and cannot control, the Stoics believed we could find lasting fulfillment and tranquility.
While Stoicism has its roots in ancient Greece and Rome, its central tenets remain highly relevant today. Let’s explore seven key areas the Stoics advise us to keep private.
1. Don’t Speak Negatively About Yourself
A core principle of Stoicism is avoiding negative self-talk and self-criticism. Stoics warn against running ourselves down, even privately in our own minds. As Marcus Aurelius said “Don’t be overheard complaining — not even to yourself.”
Stoics view negative self-assessments as corrosive to our self-confidence and emotional resilience. Dwelling on our flaws or failures eats away at self-esteem and motivation. The Stoics advise us to avoid destructive inner monologues playing on repeat like “I’m terrible at this” or “I’ll never improve.”
Instead, they recommend focusing our inner dialogue on growth, self-acceptance and affirmations like:
- I’m capable of achieving this. If not immediately, I will get there eventually.
- My past does not define me. I have potential for future growth.
- I accept myself unconditionally, flaws and all.
This self-compassion provides a solid foundation to build confidence and attempt new challenges.
2. Don’t Boast About Self-Improvement
Stoicism emphasizes keeping our self-improvement efforts private. The philosopher Epictetus said when becoming better people, we should do so discreetly, allowing our progress to shine through naturally.
Stoics warn against loudly announcing our goals or broadcasting our wins. This protects our intentions and avoids diluting our efforts by seeking applause. As Epictetus stated: “Don’t talk about your plans and progress in front of others. Keep silent and work on becoming wiser, more self-controlled and just.”
Rather than telling the world “I’m going to get fit this year,” the Stoics would advise leading by example. Quietly undertake the exercise regime, nutrition plan and lifestyle changes. Let the results speak for themselves.
True growth comes through perseverance, not proclamations. Avoid the trap of pursuing progress for ego purposes or external validation. Keep the journey inwardly focused.
3. Practice Moderation in Eating and Drinking
Stoicism emphasizes disciplining our desires and practicing moderation, especially around food and drink. As the philosopher Musonius Rufus stated: “Be neither a glutton nor heavy drinker, for life’s pleasures should be kept within reasonable limits.”
The Stoics understood overindulgence brings negative consequences like sluggishness, poor health and impaired self-control. They advise finding balance between dangerous extremes of excess and abstinence. Moderation allows us to enjoy life’s pleasures without being mastered by them.
Rather than relying on short-lived satisfaction from overeating or drinking, the Stoics recommend cultivating deeper fulfillment through virtuous living. By keeping consumption in check, we maintain self-discipline and clear thinking.
4. Listen More Than You Speak
The Stoic philosopher Zeno provided timeless advice by stating: “We have two ears and one mouth for good reason.” This stresses the importance of listening over speaking.
In a world full of noise, being a careful listener demonstrates respect. It shows you value others’ experiences and have humility. Listening builds trust and stronger relationships. It provides the chance to gain new perspectives and knowledge.
Rather than focusing on what you’ll say next, listen fully. Absorb what is said without interrupting. Reflect before replying. You gain understanding by engaging with others’ viewpoints.
Listening also reveals valuable insights into people’s needs, interests and motivations. You can tailor communications accordingly and find common ground.
As Zeno wisely stressed, listening leads to learning — about others and yourself. It is a path to self-knowledge and growth.
5. Focus on the Present, Not the Future
Stoicism cautions against obsessive worry about the future. The philosopher Epictetus said: “Don’t demand or expect events will happen as you wish. Accept events as they occur.”
Stoics view anxiety about the future as wasted energy. We cannot control what has not yet occurred. Endless conjecture only breeds fear and robs us of enjoying the present.
The Stoics advise bringing our focus back to the current moment — the only point where we can take purposeful action. Make the best choices available right now instead of losing sleep over what-ifs.
Manage anxieties through mindset shifts:
- Accept the limits of your control
- Focus on responding well to immediate events
- Reframe worries into useful preparation
This liberates you from fruitless rumination. Fear is replaced with purposeful action to make the most of each moment.
6. Be Grateful in Every Interaction
Stoicism stresses the importance of gratitude in relationships. The philosopher Epicurus said: “The wise person feels grateful for the good things they have rather than lamenting what they lack.”
Ingratitude often stems from taking our blessings for granted — whether it is family, friends, opportunities or comforts. We overlook how much effort people expend on our behalf. Stoicism provides an antidote to entitlement through daily gratitude.
Make thankfulness central to your interactions. Express sincere appreciation for others’ time, assistance, gifts or good wishes. Savor simple pleasures rather than overlooking them.
This mindset strengthens connections and fosters community. It injects positivity into every encounter. You notice life’s hidden gifts rather than focusing on complaints.
7. Avoid Complaining — It Rarely Helps
Stoicism advises against falling into habitual complaining. As Marcus Aurelius stated: “Complaining does nothing to improve a situation. The key to happiness lies in controlling your thoughts and actions.”
Complaints about problems are usually fruitless. They reinforce feeling powerless instead of taking constructive action. Constant complaints also strain relationships with negativity.
Rather than merely venting frustrations, Stoicism says shift your mindset to solutions. Face challenges with resourcefulness, not resignation. Avoid playing the victim and reclaim your power to affect change.
Turn complaints into requests for specific help or support if needed. Otherwise, focus your dialogue on the positive aspects within your control.
FAQ
Q: Does Stoicism require being silent and joyless?
A: No, Stoicism simply advises discretion in what we share versus keep private. It aims for inner tranquility and self-mastery — not repression. Joy arises from mindset.
Q: Isn’t some self-disclosure healthy?
A: Yes, appropriate vulnerability builds intimacy and trust. However, we should mindfully discern what requires privacy for our well-being versus oversharing.
Q: Is it unhealthy to suppress emotions?
A: Suppressing emotions is unhealthy long-term. Stoicism encourages privately processing emotions in a healthy way, rather than venting indiscriminately.
Q: What are the main benefits of the Stoic approach?
A: Practicing Stoic discretion and focus brings many benefits — stronger self-esteem, greater resilience, deeper relationships, integrity, gratitude and present moment awareness.
Q: How can we practice Stoicism in daily life?
A: We can apply Stoic principles through affirmations, journaling, mindfulness of our thoughts and conversations, focusing on solutions over complaints and showing gratitude. Even small steps bring serenity.
Conclusion
In conclusion, Stoicism provides powerful, timeless wisdom on the benefits of judicious privacy across key areas like self-talk, goals, consumption, listening, future-worry, ingratitude and complaining. Keeping certain thoughts, emotions and details to ourselves grants inner strength, autonomy and integrity. It enables us to nurture what matters most.
The Stoics understood that discretion is the better part of wisdom — and happiness. By learning what to keep private, we foster self-knowledge and self-mastery. We maintain inner tranquility no matter what external events arise.
What I published recently:
11 Things to Quietly Eliminate from Your Life
Building an Unbeatable Character: The Stoics Way
Controlling Emotions with 7 Stoic Lessons
How to Calmly Let Go and Stop Worrying
Overcome Obstacles, Achieve Success
My most popular posts of all time:
Living Well Daily: Marcus Aurelius’ Stoic Insights for Peace of Mind
“Act As If Nothing Bothers You” — 18 Stoic Principles from Epictetus to Master Your Emotions
The Stoic Guide to Love: Enhancing Relationship Dynamics with Timeless Wisdom
Disclosure: The provided links given below are affiliate links, and I earn a small commission at no extra cost to you if you make a purchase through them.
Recommended Reading
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
👏💬🌟 Liked what you read? Please clap (you can clap up to 50 times) and leave a comment on Medium to show your support. Have a wonderful day and God Bless you!