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Perfectly Imperfect People
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FEMA Officials Hounded by White House for Access to “Golden Alert Laptop”
FEMA Officials Hounded by White House for Access to “Golden Alert Laptop”
After a test of the Presidential Alert system on Wednesday morning reached U.S. mobile phones across the nation, rumblings from the White…
Damian
Oct 3, 2018
Brave: Donald Trump Suggests Robert Mueller Sexually Assaulted Him
Brave: Donald Trump Suggests Robert Mueller Sexually Assaulted Him
In a shocking strategic pivot, Donald Trump took to Twitter on Friday accusing Robert Mueller of sexually assaulting him. Embattled by…
Damian
Sep 21, 2018
America’s Hungry, Poor Gather to Eat Bountiful Stock Market
America’s Hungry, Poor Gather to Eat Bountiful Stock Market
Key sectors drip with flavor, For the indigent to savor, The table is set, For the appetites we’ve whet.
Damian
Sep 7, 2018
LAPD Code of Ethics Replaced with Thelemic Law
LAPD Code of Ethics Replaced with Thelemic Law
The Los Angeles Police Department Code of Conduct Has Been Reduced to ‘Do What Thou Wilt Shall Be the Whole of the Law’
Damian
Aug 31, 2018
Heroic Dog Barking At Wall Only Thing Protecting Family From Demonic Forces
Heroic Dog Barking At Wall Only Thing Protecting Family From Demonic Forces
Louisville, KY — Professor Paws, golden Labrador and darling of the Parker family, has waged an exhausting war to defend the couple and…
Damian
Aug 29, 2018
Flag Returns to Half Staff After White House Aides Explain Concept Of Death To President Trump
Flag Returns to Half Staff After White House Aides Explain Concept Of Death To President Trump
Washington, DC — The flag sitting atop the White House returned to half staff on Monday in remembrance of John McCain’s service to the…
Damian
Aug 27, 2018
Netflix Reviewers Scramble for New Activity to Fill Aching Void Inside
Netflix Reviewers Scramble for New Activity to Fill Aching Void Inside
The recent erasure of all Netflix film and television reviews has left its most stalwart reviewers feeling bereft and listless. Long…
Damian
Aug 23, 2018
Trump Blames U.S. Prisoner Strike on Removal of Mystical Confederate Effigies Against Black Crime
Trump Blames U.S. Prisoner Strike on Removal of Mystical Confederate Effigies Against Black Crime
WASHINGTON D.C. — President Trump delivered a surprise press conference on the White House lawn this morning in response to nationwide…
Damian
Aug 21, 2018
Child Rescued from Pedophile Ring in Daring Raid by Larger, Crueler Pedophile Ring
Child Rescued from Pedophile Ring in Daring Raid by Larger, Crueler Pedophile Ring
CAPE TOWN — An Internet pedophile ring with a measly 1,000 members — small fries in the world of the sexually monstrous — has been…
Damian
Aug 17, 2018
Daniel Snyder Daydreams About Wounded Knee For Kneeling Redskins
Daniel Snyder Daydreams About Wounded Knee For Kneeling Redskins
WASHINGTON — As the 2018 NFL Preseason looms large on the horizon, embattled Redskins owner Daniel Snyder experienced vivid dreams of his…
Damian
Aug 8, 2018
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