The 5-Second Rule for Food Dropped on the Floor Does Not Apply if You Have a 2-Second Dog
And other tips (or stories of disasters) for new dog owners
Being a dog owner is no easy task.
It takes time and energy to take care of them, feed them food they like, clean up their accidents, plus there are the accessories you need, from collars, leashes, chew toys, flea treatments — the list is nearly endless. This means you'll be spending lots more money than if you choose to have a pet rock instead. But the good news is that interacting with your dog will be a lot more rewarding than teaching a pet rock to "stay."
Baby-proofing is not just about babies
Without thinking, I replied, "My medications are all stored together, and my son knows not to touch them."
As a mother with Cystic Fibrosis (CF), I was speaking on a parenting panel. We'd been discussing the specific needs of parents with CF with baby-proofing the house. My statement held true for the next twenty years.
My son never touched my medications, nor did any of my menagerie of dogs. Even Pepsi, who was by nature a problem puppy and definitely a two-second dog, knew not to pounce on tablets if I got a case of fumble fingers and dropped a tablet. But then Chilli and Rotto bounced into my life.
I have the shakes now, a side-effect from my transplant medications, so I get fumble fingers a lot. Both Chilli and Rotto quickly learned they must not pounce on tablets — food is fair game, but tablets are a HARD NO.
Unfortunately, Chilli, the red stealer, is fond of inspecting things just out of her reach. When poking her nose into places she shouldn't, she'd often knock over a bottle or two. Given that Chilli is a nervous Nellie, a rolling, rattling bottle on the floor sees her retreat to the other end of the kitchen in fright.
On the other paw, Rotto likes little bottles that roll and clatter and treats them like chew toys. Together, my dogs are a tag team of destruction.
Fortunately, this mishap occurred with medications that were not harmful to dogs. Now those attractive bottles with their musical instrument sounds are safely locked away.
Tip number 1. Even experienced dog owners sometimes forget to dog-proof their house, but ensuring your home is safe for your four-legged friend is essential.
Dog hair has a magical ability to appear anywhere
Maybe you've seen the memes:
- Dog hair is my favorite color.
- Home is where dog hair sticks to everything but the dog.
- It's not dog hair. It's glitter.
- The only animal product in my food is dog hair.
They are ALL true and then some. Dog hair not only has a strong adhesive force, but it also remains stubbornly stuck to surfaces. Your carpet, your clothes, even the freezer.
Yes, that's right, the freezer. But no, I'm not talking about MY freezer. I once found my dog’s hair in my freezer at work. A place my dog (or any other dog) had never been.
Tip number 2. Invest in a good vacuum cleaner and shares in your favorite lint remover brand — you're going to go through a lot of refills.
Drool is not your worst enemy
That's not to say I haven't had my share of drool. Once, Pepsi snuggled up behind me and started breathing little warm gusts in my ear. Nothing beats a good puppy snuggle — until it suddenly dawned on me that my ear was rapidly filling with drool.
I know, you're thinking, what could possibly be worse than that? Rotto. Rotto is under the illusion that he is part hippopotamus. Like a hippo, he likes to get a mouthful of water and let it dribble out of his mouth, which would be fine if he stayed near the water bowl. He does not. Instead, Rotto roams the house with his chops dribbling, causing random puddles. Which is okay in the daytime, but at night, you've always got to wonder what you just stepped in …
Tip number 3. Your pet might LOOK like a dog, but sometimes they're really a hippopotamus in disguise. Invest in a good mat to go under your water bowl.
Dogs act like garbage disposals — but they're not
Your dogs will eat anything if you let them (even poo) — but they rarely know when things aren't good for them. They love human food, but many human foods are too rich in sugars and salt for our doggy companions, which causes them to get an upset tummy. Nobody enjoys cleaning up after a dog with an upset tummy!
But occasionally, seemingly innocuous foods can cause problems. Early on, Rotto developed an allergy to bees. In part, this is his own fault because he can't seem to stop himself from chasing and eating them. They sting him in response to this outrageous behavior (perfectly understandable, I'm sure you'd agree.) I've had dogs with bee allergies before, so I wasn't surprised — what caught me off guard is Rotto's food allergies.
One night we had some left-over green beans, along with some carrots with honey drizzled over them. Chilli and Rotto enjoyed some green beans and carrots for dinner as a treat. A half-hour later, Rotto's face swelled up, and we spent the night at the emergency vet.
Rotto eats carrots all the time — but both the green beans and honey were new. The culprit is more likely to be the honey, but we can't be sure. So both items are off Rotto's food list.
Tip number 4. If your dog has an allergic reaction, this is not a wait-and-see moment. Go to the nearest vet, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Test new foods in small amounts, and only introduce one new food at a time.
Once you start, you can't stop
I've often described Monkey as my perfect dog. She was super intelligent and easy to train — although maybe I had more energy for dog training in my 20s.
Monkey was polite, never begged, could be left off-leash, and had a near-perfect recall. There was one time Monkey jumped the fence and ran down the road, but in fairness, someone attempting to evade the police on foot jumped into her backyard, then jumped the front fence.
Monkey had a sense of right and wrong. She wasn't allowed to jump our front fence; therefore, neither was anyone else. If my son or his friends jumped the fence, Monkey's heeler nature would come to the forefront, and she would nip their heels until they went back over the fence and returned using the proper method — the gate. So, off she ran down the road, nipping at the swiftly fleeing man's heels. When the police nabbed him, she promptly came back. Justice done.
Because Monkey liked to do everything by the rules, she always asked before getting on the furniture. After seventeen years, my husband and I were used to having a perfect dog. And then came Pepsi. The ultimate problem puppy.
Once we allowed Pepsi on the lounge, there was no stopping her. It became HER spot. I'd like to say I learned my lesson and that Rotto and Chilli are ever so well trained … but they used our bed as the pit stop on their race track and went through an asbestos wall …
Tip number 5. Bad habits. They're super easy to start and nearly impossible to break.
For all these stories of disasters, I'm still pro-dog — dogs not only help with our general happiness, but they also bring unconditional love into our lives. A dog's loyalty and constant companionship are unmatched by any other living creature on Earth; they will not leave your side even when it seems like there's no hope left in sight.
A pet rock might be cheaper and easier to train, but it won't give you the unconditional loyalty a dog can. A true friend will always have your back, no matter what life throws at you.
Sandi Parsons is the author of “Pepsi the Problem Puppy,” a chapter book based on the real-life shenanigans of her own puppy, Pepsi. She lives with her favorite husband and a house full of problem puppies.
