The Lighter Side of Having 5 Kids — Part 4

Staying sane while raising 5 children can sometimes require large doses of humor. This is my fourth installment of this series.

Published in

Pickle Fork

4 min readAug 16, 2019

Luckily our children have made us laugh more times than I can count. Over the years, I’ve had multiple requests from my readers to share some of our mini-stories with others. Here are more of them from past years.

(Remember as you read to use the age-appropriate voices and pronunciations in your head — sometimes that’s the funniest part).

Still 2012

Chris (6 years old): I am really manly, I have at least 4 boo-boos!
Me: You know you’d be a little more manly if you didn’t use the word “boo-boo”…

*****

Breakfast time…
Andy (3): I want some other cereal!
Tim: The waffle kind?
Andy: Yeah.
Tim: Yes, please?
Andy: Yeah!
Tim: Yes, please!?!??
Andy: <in military voice> Yes, Please!!
<singing> yes, please…on my yes please head…on my yes please head….la-de-dah… Dad! Did you hear me? I said yes please on my yes please head!
Tim: <sighing>…I heard you…

*****

Well…I guess civil engineering is out!

*****

Reagan (5 years old) had written about 5 letters to “SOTKLS” (Santa Claus) one week, almost every day. She sealed them up before I could read them. I asked her what they said.

Rea: They say BRB, that’s Barbie.
Mom: All of them?
Rea: Yes.
Mom: Boy, you sure want a lot of Barbies for Christmas!
Rea: No, that’s just the only thing I can spell.

*****

The oldest “child” I have to deal with is often my husband himself…

Me: <texting Tim who was heading to the west side of the state with our youngest son that day>: Don’t get bit (or let Andy) by mosquitoes while there - Kent County has a high incidence of West Nile Virus now.
Tim: What about gnats? We have to go thru Ionia and it has high EHD
Me: …Tard
Tim: What about spiders? I don’t like spiders!
Me: <silence>
Tim: …and praying manti? They’re creepy!
Me: Changed my mind. Feel free to get WNV, just don’t let my son get it!

[Note: EHD = Epizootic hemorrhagic disease is a mostly fatal viral disease found in white-tailed deer. Deer are infected when they are bit by a gnat that is carrying the virus.]

*****

We were watching the Michigan State vs. Nebraska football game and Chris suddenly burst out laughing. {For those who may not know- MSU’s school colors are green and white, Nebraska’s are red.}

Me: What’s so funny, buddy?
Chris (7): A Nebraska player has the name Green on the back of his jersey! GO GREEN! HAHAHAHA!

Go White!

*****

Andy (3 years old) was talking to us as he was getting ready for bed…

Andy: Mom, I can speak Spanish…upuh-leh-tay! That means put my pajama top on.
Me: Andy, did you go potty?
Andy: leh-tay! That means yes.
Me: <whispering to Kelsey> it sounds an awful lot like “put my pajama top on”…

The next day at lunch, Andy kept getting out of his seat…

Me: Andy, oob-lah-doo! That means stay in your chair!
Andy: <smiling> No, that means you don’t have to take a nap today!
Kelsey: Mom, that’s not Spanish, it’s SpAndyish!

*****

Everyone went to karate one night except Andy and me.

Andy (3): Mom, you’re the boss now, right?
Me: Yes, Andy, but I’ll try not to be too bossy. I’ll just try to keep you safe, ok?
Andy: Ok. But if a bad guy comes, I’ll stick my tongue out at him and spit in his face!

Andy had his first dentist office visit the next morning...

Me: How did you like going to the dentist?
Andy: Good!
Me: Wasn’t she (the dental hygienist) nice?
Andy: Yes, and she wasn’t even bossy!

*****

Andy and Tim were eating lunch. Andy raised his hand.

Tim: Yes, Andy, what is it?
Andy: Daddy?….I love you!

*****

Tim was talking with Chris (7 years old) over breakfast and Chris was really interested, asking more and more questions, which Tim answered in depth.

Tim: Chris, you learned something already today, and it’s only 8:00
Chris: Dad, it’s 8:09!

Yep, that’s my boy!