A 20-something’s Guide to Navigating the Road to Self-Discovery
Your 20s. A time to embrace change, take chances, fall in love, travel often and spend countless long nights out with a carefree mind and spirit. Unfortunately, this Hollywood image of life for a 20-something millennial is so far from the truth.
Your 20s look more like Sunday Scaries, agonizing Bumble dates, insecurity in the workplace, being constantly broke, and resentment for the fact that no one prepared you for adulthood. Literally, no one. On top of all of this is the heightened pressure that comes with the innumerable success stories of young, thriving entrepreneurs.
Somehow amidst trying to learn how to cook (and not just microwave), balancing work and social life, paying bills (hello student loans!), staying in shape and being active in our communities, we’re supposed to be starting some ground-breaking company that will one day be referred to as the Uber of X. Sounds easy!
My goal in this article is to diffuse this anxiety-inducing obsession millennials have built around who they are, especially in comparison to others.
While there is no easy solution, I hope starting this conversation can build true contentment and self-satisfaction within our generation.
Self-help books constantly reference the lifelong battle of discovering oneself and the importance of knowing the true you. This fixation on the journey to self held by our society has us constantly placing ourselves into different buckets. You are either a liberal or a conservative, a creative or a tech brain, or on one side of any other polarizing comparison.
Paradoxically, in our efforts to exert our individuality, we find ourselves conforming to any number of prescribed archetypes. This begs the question, how do we go about finding ourselves in such a commoditized and ego-cluttered world?
For Every Shortcoming, Count 5 Achievements
I read a quote recently that said, ‘Life is so subtle sometimes that you barely notice yourself walking through the doors you once prayed would open.’
Though poetically put as a feature of “life”, this points out the issue of our future-driven state of mind. When we are future-focused we create this illusion that what we have is never enough, and seldom celebrate our own achievements.
Practice your pep talks. Every time you look at a friend who is traveling the world or a colleague who is excelling faster in their career than you — count five things that you are proud of and accomplishments you have made. The truth is that there is always going to be someone who is better than you and there is no point in consuming yourself in jealousy and self deprecation. Know your strengths and focus on building those — your journey is just beginning.
Be Conscious of Your Intentions
It is said that the things we don’t like about others are the things we can’t stand about ourselves. Because of this it is important to try and understand what moves us. Why am I so jealous of the success of my friend? Why do I get upset about this thing my boss does? Why do I push away the people closest to me when I’m angry? And the list goes on.
Taking a minute to be transparent with ourselves is crucial to our mental health. Reflecting on what drives our emotions can help us confront our demons and build more healthy long-lasting relationships.
Be Deliberate in Your Actions
I am a firm believer that who we are isn’t defined by our beliefs, but by our actions. This means that saying you care about homelessness and Syrian refugees is irrefutably false if you do nothing to support that. Social media has given us the outlet to fill the air with empty claims about ourselves, providing us with the satisfaction of a post, rather than the gratification in true action.
Pay attention to what you do and be deliberate in your choices. Look at the people you spend the most time with, the media you engage with and the way you spend your free time. If you want to be the person everyone on Instagram thinks you to be then get after it.
Be Content with Judgement from Others
This is a concept I struggle with every single day. If i’m feeling insecure at work I am constantly asking my colleagues, ‘What do you think I can do better?’ or ‘Do you think I’m a good employee?’ The same goes for when I bring these anxieties home. I urge my roommates to tell me what I can improve on, ask if they think I’m a good person, and the list goes on.
We need to stop defining ourselves by other people’s standards. The affirmation provided by my roommates and friends at work puts a bandaid over the wound, but won’t answer those questions truly for myself.
Let’s train our minds to react to negative and unfair judgements from others by simply saying f*%# that. Let us run to our mirrors, instead of the cushion of compliments from the ones who love us, to say this is me and I am damn proud.
Being in your 20s is definitely a chaotic time… There are pressures, there is rapid growth, and then there is boundless energy, which if not channelized can take you in directions you don’t really want to go.
But what helps is to put these experiences into expressions, just like the author Marisa Rando has. Her heartfelt and incisive account serve as light to others in their 20s.
Expression is a wonderful way of understanding life and its issues… And Pink Pinjra is a great place to start. We invite readers and writers of all ages to be a part of this platform. To know how to contribute your posts, click here.
