How to get a job at Pinterest
Step 1: Pinterest invites you to come in and give a presentation about your work, your philosophy and your plans for how you’d word things if you managed to become a writer there. They only give you a few days to prepare, so you pull a couple of late nights feverishly magicking together your presentation, including one surreal late-night trip to Safeway to catch a video you want to include of your all-time favorite wordless messaging: The thunder before the rainstorm in the produce aisle. It takes 3 tries, and a lot of strange looks, to capture the footage.
Step 2: Practice, practice, practice what you’re going to say. Print out your notes and back everything up on a thumb drive.
Step 3: Plan out your outfit, including a new cross-braid hairstyle inspired by the 4-braid updo Pin you discover on Pinterest.
Step 4: Arrive at Pinterest HQ the morning of and experience an awkward moment when you can’t open the front door and the receptionist has to come let you in. Turn out it’s a PUSH, not a PULL? Try to ignore the feeling that you may have already failed the interview.
Step 5: Announce that you’re there for your interview. The receptionist checks the schedule, but doesn’t see your name anywhere. Turns out you’re early—7 days early.
Step 6: Stammer out an apology and beat a sweaty retreat. Since you have the whole day off, decide to take yourself to the movies—cooling your horrified embarrassment in a dark theater for a couple hours sounds like a sensible plan. Maybe you can even grab some treats at Whole Foods on the way.
Step 7: You’ve just finished buying a package of sliced pineapple, 3 mangoes and (for some reason) a big bottle of lotion when your phone rings. Turns out everyone at Pinterest rearranged their schedules and they’re ready to see you now! But where are you?
Step 8: Race outside and hail a cab. Breathlessly tell the cab driver the whole story as he clucks sympathetically. When you arrive, grab your shopping bag and run to the door, where you’re confounded once again by the advanced algebra of the PUSH/PULL system. While you’re busy pulling and pulling on the door, the cab driver jumps out and yells “[SOMETHING SOMETHING] pull [SOMETHING]!”
“I’m trying!” You yell back at him, pointing at the door that won’t pull open.
“No!” He yells a little louder. “PULL UP YOUR PANTS!” Apparently, what with all the panicking and running around, somehow your jukebox slot has worked its way into view. Hike up your pants and yell, “THANK YOU!” over your shoulder to the cab driver as the receptionist walks over to let you in for the second time that day.
Step 9: Give your presentation and do all your interviews, carrying your grocery bag with you from room to room. Offer your interviewers a piece of pineapple.
Step 10. You get the job! Clearly the people at Pinterest are very impressed with the kind of deranged beaver-eager excitement and dedication it takes to show up one whole week early for the interview. Highly recommended!
