The Smile that Masked a Monster

The light from the sunset bleeds through the window of a local pizza joint in Morristown, New Jersey, just like any other summery, upbeat day that the last couple of months have produced. It’s often the setting for someone to lay back, relax, and reflect — an environment where, even if just for a few moments, we can escape life’s trials and obstacles. However, on this particular day, the atmosphere reeks of hopelessness, shock, and unmitigated sadness after the details of a Nintendo icon’s transgressions were recently brought to light.

For one young man who was a part of this scene, though, the news that broke of Kirby’s history of violence and murder was certainly upsetting, but not completely unexpected.

“I can see it,” says Noah Grossman, a longtime attendee of the establishment and purveyor of Kirby’s abilities as a viable character in Super Smash Bros Melee., “The man has a huge…appetite…for violence.”

Mr. Grossman is perhaps the greatest avatar to capture the mood: The world is shocked, yet the world might have secretly known all along.

On June 1, 2018, it was first reported that Kirby had been arrested on charges of manslaughter by multiple accusers and anonymous sources. Less than a week later, Kirby pleaded guilty to the charges and fully complied with justice officials and investigators in getting the full story and details set straight. Days after that, of course, the official report was released to the public and revealed the degree of atrocities that the pink hero had committed.

With over 125 homicides since 2010 being confirmed — all in astonishing and deeply disturbing detail — Kirby’s true character had been uncovered, and deciphering the news has become a story within itself. The public has been trying to understand, or better yet, accept, that the truth is incontrovertible.

“He had been using his imagery and fame to his advantage, luring victims into his inner circles, making them feel loved and appreciated, before killing them,” says Professor Hershel Layton, an advisor and investigator on the case, “There was nothing left of them once he was finished. Kirby does, after all, have a knack for absorbing things and making them disappear.”

Layton divulged into even more detail about the many murders discovered, most of which we can’t share out of respect to the victims. But he also brought up what he considers an even more distressing idea: That there were signs all along.

“When you start to look at Kirby’s history, and what he’d been featured in, you notice that there were little references; people were finding out, and tried to convey that message discreetly,” says Professor Layton.

While saying he felt uncomfortable with sharing all of the specific references he found, Professor Layton did detail one specific image from Kirby’s latest project, Kirby Star Allies, that he thought lent credence to his theory:

“It’s just, I don’t even want to think about it, I don’t want to assume anything, but I can’t help but assume things given the evidence already known….I can’t say for certain that picture wasn’t based on a real fact the artist was trying to convey,” says Layton.

The validity of Professor Layton’s assertions have only grown more and more reasonable over the last couple of weeks, as many other public figures have spoken out about their own experiences, including Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom.

“There was this one time, back when we were filming Super Smash Bros. Brawl, where something about him gave me pause,” said a very troubled Peach, “At the beginning there was a fight scene between him and Mario, but there was something about him that day that made it seem as if he wanted it to be real, like he actually wanted to be fighting Mario to the death.”

“He had a look in his eye after the director yelled cut, like he wasn’t satisfied that they wouldn’t be continuing any longer; he felt like his work wasn’t done yet…there needed to more stakes.”

Mario declined to comment about the Princesses’ story, and has reportedly not left his home since the news broke. Those close to the situation say he hasn’t even said a word, and he’s been struggling to channel his grief productively.

It must also be said that it isn’t just celebrities that have made their own speculations, as one video from Sonic the Hedgehog’s old comedy-sketch series Sonic for Hire has been resurfacing and making rounds all over the internet. The popular series was made by the gaming legend and vaulted his comedy career forward into what it has become today, with lots of self-referential and deprecating humor that dove into his highly-publicized history of substance abuse and scandals. The series featured sketches with fake versions of famous gaming characters, and among them was Kirby:

In the bit, Kirby is portrayed as being a murdering psychopath that kills all the peaceful citizens around him. At the time, it was viewed as a hilarious parody that served as a contradiction to Kirby, who was known then for being the most charitable and pleasant person in the entire industry. Now, some are theorizing that the comedian was trying to tell us something.

When reached out to for comment on the speculation, Sonic neither confirmed nor denied whether this was the message he was trying to get across. Instead, in his typical comedic fashion, Sonic offered a crude analogy:

“He’s like the Bernie Madoff of gaming, that’s what I’ll say. He was doing all types of shady s**t right in front of us, and since everyone was having fun we kinda just went with it, you know? Like, oh, yeah, there’s something here that smells fishy……well, anyways, how f******g awesome was Smash Brothers?!?! That’s what the times were like back then, you know? We just wanted to appreciate how great things were going.”

Vulgarity aside, Sonic might’ve delivered the perfect summation of the events that have unfolded — plus give us an understanding as to what the conversation is going to be about. Who knew? Who chose not to know? And how could you not know? The Kirby Murders are going to haunt the industry — from the victims whose lives were lost, to the people who might’ve known all along — and there’s no telling the impact it has going forward.

One thing’s for sure: Kirby may have satiated his appetite for years, but the industry’s relation to it is forever going to be to be a tough thing to swallow.