Avengers: Infinity War Predictions
So this is it. It’s all been leading to this.
We all know the story of Marvel’s unparalleled success over the last decade. They’ve created a phenomenon the likes of which no one could have ever predicted. Remember when Robert Downey Jr. was better known for his substance abuse issues? Remember when Marvel’s most notable properties— Spider-Man and the X-Men—weren’t theirs to start this Cinematic Universe with? Remember when Suicide Squad and Batman v Superman hadn’t yet infected the world?
And here we are now, 18 movies later and just a little over a month away from witnessing the grand culmination of all the things Marvel Studios has built towards: The Infinity War.
It isn’t a stretch to say that Avengers: Infinity War is the most ambitious film ever made (I mean, seriously, how on earth is this real?). This is a cause for celebration! I’m sure plenty of people will be writing reviews and such of the film when it comes out, so I’m going to do something different.
IT’S ABSURD-PREDICTIONS-HAPPY-HOUR, FOLKS.
The Beginning of the Movie is Thanos Completely Wrecking Hulk and Thor
The post-credits scene in Thor: Ragnarok showed what is most likely the Mad Titan’s ship, and that is probably, most likely, and definitely bad news for our lovable duo (plus Loki and plus Valkyrie and plus Korg). Based on how much of a gangster — understandably, considering she was the Godess of Death and all — Hela was going against them, I can only assume Thanos is going to be quite not-fun. It would be an astounding way to opening the film; making a statement about how powerful Thanos is when he’s able to face the Enormous Green Rage Monster without breaking a sweat.
I feel bad for the guys. Like, all they want to do is travel the universe together on a ship with their people after having watched their home get destroyed by a giant lava monster.
The Second Trailer Will Tease Another Character’s Death and that Character Definitely Won’t Die
Yup, I’m going full Star Wars: The Last Jedi with this one. I’m onto you, Disney.
Captain America Will Wield the Hammer
He’s their leader; their heart and soul, and nobody embodies worthiness more than Steve Rogers. Not sure what context, or even how long, but he’s going to do it.
And for the record, the scene in Age of Ultron where we see the crew taking turns trying to lift Thor’s hammer is probably my favorite moment in all of the MCU films. The chemistry between the characters is on point, and the fan theory about Steve being worthy because he didn’t want to embarrass Thor by actually lifting the hammer is phenomenal.
Tony Will Have Some Kind of Flashback and You’ll Hear Jeff Bridges Shouting “TONY!!” in the Most Jeff Bridges Voice Possible
I rewatched Iron Man recently and came to a conclusion: Obadiah Stane’s sudden shift from a grounded, tactical and unorthodox villain to a lunatic just deciding to try and kill Tony Stark and leap into a mega-sized armor is unintentional comedy at it’s finest.
25 Minutes or Less Until Stan Lee Cameo
Death, taxes, and delightful Stan Lee Marvel cameos.
Someone from DC Will Insult the Movie a Few Weeks Before it Comes Out
A a year or so ago, I mentioned in a piece about upcoming superhero movies that I am absolutely here for the Marvel/DC beef, especially if the people involved actually get in on it. It would be like bringing a little NBA-style drama into the movie industry. Can you imagine how fun it would be?
Gal Gadot: “I’m sure that movie with a bunch of men will be great!”
Jeremy Renner: “Yeah, pretty sure my character is more well known than that robot guy Ray Fisher played. Also…[insert probably- inappropriate joke about women]”
Tom Holland: “I’m just glad to be here!”
Ben Affleck: “To be honest, I just took this role to impress my ki- (Jason Momoa jumps out of a black hole, makes an also-probably-inappropriate joke about women, and slams Affleck to the ground before he can finish his sentence)”
Vin Diesel: Hey I love those guys, I think they’re doing great work, and…(assistant whispers something in his ear) what?…Dwayne is Black Atom?…oh, wow, actually DC is pretty terrible they need to step it up.”
Similar to the First Avengers, There Will Be a Scene Where the Camera Circles Around the Heroes
I can see it being one where every character is together or it’s just the original crew — maybe like an “And then only the originals we all know and love are left standing…” sort of spiel. Lock this one down.
Spider-Man Discovers the Symbiote
I understand that Sony and Marvel have been, well, weird when it comes to Venom’s place in the current continuity of films, so this is a bit of a long shot. However, I do have my reasons.
I think the two studios are playing possum. I can’t understand how it makes sense for Sony to seriously just have a separate universe of films involving everyone except the universe they’re from: Spider-Man’s. That’s like doing movies about everyone in the Predator series except for the actual alien Predator. I think there’s a chance that they’re up to something and didn’t want to spoil the surprise in Infinity War.
I don’t necessarily think Spidey will have the classic costume in the movie though. It could be something small like Peter finding it in some random crevice on some space planet, like the one where they seem to be fighting Thanos on in the trailer.
(Side Note: If he does use the symbiote and dons the black suit to fight Thanos, I promise I will explode into a trillion oatmeal raisin cookies.
Can I just geek-out for a second? I want to see the symbiote storyline for this Spider-Man, in particular, because of what it might look like narratively to see this cheerful kid be consumed by that power. It would be an awesome, but also tragic sight to see Tom Holland’s more happy-go-lucky portrayal of the character be incredibly powerful but equally angry and distraught. I’m a sucker for all those Nine-Tails transformations in Naruto, and the black suit gives Spidey a similar kind of potential for moments like that. [END]
Post-Credits Scene Reveals the Title of Avengers 4
The spiciest of predictions for last, of course.
There’s been a lot of hullabaloo surrounding the mysteriously untitled Avengers 4 film due out next year. This is mostly due to the fact that it’s an Avengers movie and Avengers movies kind of a big deal, but also because Kevin Feige mentioned how the title of the movie is a spoiler (maybe something to do with the Skrulls?), which is a fascinating prospect.
So, you know how there’s always that “____ will return in ____” part of the post-credits scene? I’m not entirely sure what the context will be, but I’m saying this will be how Marvel announces the name. Maybe it’s Captain Marvel with Nick Fury, no idea. All I know is it makes sense for there to be a truly enormous bomb-drop at the end of Infinity War, and this would be quite the way to attempt to one-up their reveal of Thanos from the first Avengers.
Too absurd? Well, too bad. I didn’t want to just make this entire article about predicting character deaths — since that’s the boring, mainstream way of looking at this movie.
Anyways, this Javier “Hipster Lord” Reyes signing off, and here’s hoping I can stay sane until the movie comes out.
