4 Ways to Form Better Habits: Lessons From Toilet Training My Dog
Handle every situation like a dog
“Why is the blanket wet?” yelled my wife on a cold winter night.
She got popcorn, popped open a soda, and was ready to enjoy the latest episode of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” (let God be the judge here).
But Coco, our tiny poodle, had other plans. She had peed on the blanket.
This was definitely not a one-off. The writing was on the wall for Coco.
My wife and I cleared our calendars and cancelled all non-essential activities like going to work or getting groceries.
After having scorched the internet and spoken to our pet-parent friends, the truth hit us. All fingers, including Coco’s (technically, she has paws), were pointing at us. We had been too late in toilet-training her.
But thanks to our firefighting skills (the only useful thing I learned at my corporate job), we pulled an all-nighter and came up with a plan.
What we learned in the process is as useful in making us superior versions of ourselves as it was in making Coco better at peeing or pooping.
Here’s a down-low of all the insights we gained in the next 4 weeks.
- Changing bad habits: Most children develop habits by age nine. In a 2006 paper, researchers from Duke University discovered that 40% of our actions are habits rather than conscious choices.
With Coco, we missed the chance to start early. But we had hope.
The Habit Loop to the rescue — Every habit is made up of a cue, a routine, and a reward.
The cue tells the brain to switch to automatic mode and use a habit. The routine—the behaviour itself—can be physical, mental, or emotional. Finally, a reward helps our brain decide if the habit is worth remembering.
As cue and reward become neurologically linked, this loop becomes automatic.
Studies demonstrate that simply understanding how habits work, or grasping the structure of the habit loop, makes them easier to regulate. Once we’ve broken down a habit into its components, we can change small patterns and see the impact.
If we can help Coco get rid of her Bad Habits, so can you.
2. Consistency is key: We established three key times during the day to schedule bathroom breaks for Coco.
As we consistently followed those set times and rewarded her, Coco started creating her own Habit Loop.
James Clear, the bestselling author of Atomic Habits, has helped burst the common myth that it takes ’21 days’ to form a habit. He further documented that, on average, it takes more than 2 months before a new behaviour becomes automatic—66 days, to be exact.
While 66 days is definitely longer than 21, no reason to be disheartened:
- Habits are a process, not an event. One has to embrace the process.
- Don’t be hard on yourself if you can’t get better at something in 21 days
3. Managing mistakes effectively: No one is perfect, and neither is Coco.
Day 2 was when we had our first ‘pooptastrophe’. Instead of the usual spot, Coco decided to go in front of our community gate.
But we cleaned quickly, got the odour eliminator out, and left the spot looking like new without ever making her feel guilty.
Similarly, for us humans, making a mistake once or twice has no measurable impact on our long-term habits. That is why it is important to approach setbacks with a scientific mindset, accept that we are humans, and figure out how to get back on track quickly.
4. Creating a supportive environment: We found minimising distractions was key to creating a conducive environment for Coco’s toilet training.
Likewise, most of us respond the same way to the cues that surround us.
Quoting James Clear again (in my defence, he is the Lionel Messi of Habits),
“Your environment is the invisible hand that shapes your behaviour.”
1. Reduce mindless eating.
Don’t buy junk food. If it’s not in the house, you can’t eat it.
2. Minimise mindless scrolling on the phone.
Put your phone in airplane mode the night before, so there will be no notifications when you wake up.
3. Spend more time with family and less time watching TV.
Sell the TV. Most living rooms are designed to point towards the TV, so they are inviting this course of action.
4. Do you want to exercise more regularly?
Take out your workout clothes the night before. This will remove one hurdle from your environment
The message is clear: we don’t always need to be motivated or incentivized to take action; we simply need to be surrounded by the right cues.
Now all of this is to say that the only way to develop life-altering habits is to get a dog and toilet train them.
But worry not; if pet-parenting does not excite you (I have shared my thoughts on pet-parenting here), the progress you make by cultivating healthy habits should be motivation enough to start on that journey today.
Thanks for staying till the end. If you liked the piece, I would love to hear what habits you would like to build in the comments section.
