“My Abuser’s 7 Unwitting Gifts: Lessons for a Better Life”

When Abusers are deluded, they make mistakes.

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Abuse has reach. I have come to understand from my own journey and those of countless others who have like me, survived abusive and narcissistic relationships, abuse is almost like air- it can find the rich, the poor, the talented, those still figuring it out, the educated, non-educated, the woke- whatever you are. But, I am not over here crying anymore because what was intended to destroy me, has elevated my world view. Let me explain:

1. Time: Be aware of timing so you don’t make emotional decisions that just hurt you more. The most shocking truth for me as an abuse survivor was that- I couldn’t just get up and leave. Wait, hold on- what? Time is an important factor when it comes to making important long-term decisions. I learned that simply leaving an abusive situation is not always possible, especially if you are isolated, without money, and have damaged relationships with potential sources of support. In situations not exactly in your control, it is important to set a timeline and plan strategically. Consider what you need, who you need, and what connections you must make in order to successfully survive and thrive afterwards. Timing is crucial, and a well-timed plan can make all the difference.
2. Play the game: People often advise against playing “the game” when it comes to achieving your goals. But I believe that if you want to succeed, you must be willing to play the game and play to win. For example, if you are trying to leave an abusive situation, you may need to be strategic and manipulative in order to outwit your abuser. This might mean being creative with the truth, poker-faced, and strategic with information. In life, if you want to achieve more, you must be willing to play the game and be willing to do what it takes to win.
3. Prepare your mind: Ladies and gentlemen, life rewards those who are mentally strong and resilient. To be successful, it’s important to harden your mind and take control of your emotions, especially when dealing with abusive or manipulative people. This might mean showing them only what you want them to see, or feeding them false information in order to keep them from reading you accurately. Preparing your mind is about strengthening your mental and emotional resilience so that you can handle difficult situations and not be easily swayed by others.
4. Widen your lens: What is this shiny colourful gift? What are the expectations? When encountering something new or unexpected, it can be helpful to widen your lens and ask yourself questions in order to better understand the situation. This might mean considering the intentions of others, the potential end result of a situation, or the reasons why someone might be uncomfortable or have lied. By widening your lens and asking yourself questions, you can gain a more comprehensive view of a situation and make more informed decisions. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Widen your lens. Play it forward. Play it sideways.
5. Boundaries: If I walked away the first time he screamed down my throat, I would have not gone through many things. But I forgave him because he said, sorry. At least, he did not put his hands on me. Then he did but, he was really really really sorry. Boundaries people- boundaries. Boundaries are an important part of maintaining healthy relationships. If someone oversteps your boundaries, it’s important to make them aware and let them know that it is not okay. If they continue to push your boundaries, don’t hesitate to walk away. Don’t be afraid to be “too old” or “too tired” to deal with disrespectful behavior. Cut out toxic people and situations quickly in order to protect yourself and maintain your well-being.
6. Don’t Waste Your Pain: Ladies and gentlemen, what am I doing right now? Sharing from my pain. I wish I did not intimately know any of this. I wish abuse and narcissism were alien concepts to me. I have been through hell and back, and now I am using my experiences to tell others about the importance of healing and finding support. I can see the pain that others are trying to hide because I know what pain looks and sounds like. I can help others heal because I have healed myself. My pain has taught me valuable lessons, such as the importance of writing, cherishing relationships, and being empathetic and charitable. If you have experienced pain, don’t waste it. Use it to teach, advocate for change, or even monetize it if possible. Your pain can be a source of strength and growth.
7. You define your reality: Everyday, we have the choice to be bitter or cheerful, joyful or resentful. Even in the darkest of times, it is possible to find a glimmer of hope and positivity. I learned this when I was going through a difficult period in my life. I realized that I had the power to define my own reality, and that I could choose to focus on the positive aspects of my situation, rather than being consumed by negativity. I did this by redirecting my thoughts, writing out my feelings, doing good for others, and speaking positively to myself. Remember, you are your own biggest advocate and supporter. Take the lead in defining your own reality and making positive choices.

Did you like reading this? Then I must tell you this in advance: Tomorrow, I will be sharing “5 Pains to Use as Writing Inspiration”. This is so good!

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