HUMOR
Announcing the New Illustrated DeSantis Holy Bible
Sign up now to gain access to this exciting new revision to the Holy Book!
Since there are no copyright restrictions on the Holy Bible, I’ve decided to print and publish my own R-rated version for distribution exclusively to red states like Wyoming and Florida.
Think “Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey” meets Stormy Daniels, with a god-smacked twist.
Fair warning: Because it’s an illustrated version, it will be expensive. The highlight of this new Bible revision will be a centerfold of Mary Magdalene, but there will be hundreds of other titillating temptations.
Fun fact: Mary was not a prostitute, contrary to evangelist opinion. She was an intelligent woman of the upper class of her time, and Jesus’s most trusted servant.
But evangelicals don’t know that. They think she was a prostitute who was only in the Bible because some heathen ancient “woke” scribe snuck her into the Gospels at the last minute.
In truth, hers was a story for the ages. She was probably the most important apostle:
