Medium Mirrors My Toxic Patterns
A step against my fears and toward self-discovery & authenticity
Since I was a little kid, I always enjoyed writing. It has always come naturally to me. I always got outstanding grades at school, and my entire educational and professional background revolves around written and spoken words.
While waiting for inspiration to strike between one chapter of my life and the other, I’ve always entertained the idea of sharing my thoughts and words with the virtual community. I often considered opening a blog or a social media page on platforms like Instagram. Nothing ever happened.
Currently, I am going through one of those transition periods.
And guess what? The writing/sharing urge is back again.
I joined Medium in November, and timidly, I started to write. I wrote a lot but shared little.
Why? Medium is the mirror of all my toxic patterns and limiting beliefs.
Last week, after spending a few months writing, editing, and mostly deleting, I realized and wrote in my journal that:
- I am more focused on outcomes than the process itself
- I try to fit styles and formulas used by other inspiring writers, hindering my natural voice from expressing itself
- I doubt the value of my content, that fellow readers and writers will not find it valuable and interesting.
In a nutshell, as much as I strive to be authentic, my fears hold me back.
Despite my inclination towards writing and sharing, I often refrain because I don’t believe I am good enough.
Medium reflects the fears and struggles I am currently experiencing in my life.
Today, I stumbled upon Adrian CDTPPW story: “Believe In Yourself. You’reYou’re Better Than You Think!”
I strongly believe in signs and synchronicities and took his insightful story as one.
So here I am, typing freely on the keyboard without caring about the structure or format of this story.
Does this story make any sense?Probably not. Is there a takeaway or learning for other people? I don’t think so. But it does for me.
It feels liberating and represents my effort to overcome my fears, the imposter syndrome, and the ego voice that wants to keep me in my comfort zone.
Writing is a concrete action to honor the little girl in me who still likes to play the writer. She still fills her journals and notebooks with her stories and experiences but never shares them with anyone because she never believed in the value of her creations.
It is also for the woman seeking to create a more authentic life.
I have no idea what I’ll write & share next or which form it will take. I don’t care; it will come in its own way. It will be another step, an opportunity to learn and improve. To discover new things about myself and let inspiration and ideas flow as they come. An act of rebellion against the limiting beliefs and constraints I’ve placed on myself for too long.
Let’s wait and see how my journey on Medium and life will unfold.
For you
If you’ve made it this far, I would greatly appreciate your feedback and insight. Here are some questions I’m curious about:
- Have you ever faced self-doubt or fear of rejection in your creative pursuits? If so, how did you overcome these challenges, and what advice would you offer to others — like me — in similar situations?
- What techniques or strategies have you used to overcome self-doubt and embrace your authentic voice? Can you share a personal experience?
Thank you for taking the time to read this story and for the engagement you may offer in commenting and clapping. Shout-out to Adrian CDTPPW for the encouragement and support 🖤.
