Am I the Mind?
Embarking on the chosen path
As mentioned in my previous story, I had chosen my destination and chartered my path in uncharted terrain. I was happy, excited, and raring to go! But it was already past midnight, so I thought it better to catch up on some rest. Wise decision, it was indeed. I was yet unaware of the toll I would have to pay the next day (as well as the days to come). The unchartered road of Life isn’t tax-free. No?
[I wish, though, that the Divine authorities would look into the matter and make it easy for us, the pilgrims of Life. I have submitted multiple prayerful petitions to the Lord of the Universe, which have yet to be heard].
As morning broke, the excited me got more excited. I did my morning prayer (it’s different from the night one; will share all my prayers sometime) and leapt out of bed. I wanted to be all-set and ready before Dad, Mom, and bro joined me for our morning tea together (a ritual that we’ve not let go of to date, and I pray, it continues till my last breath. If one of us is away, we make ample use of technology to continue the tradition virtually).
For the first time in my life, I wasn’t worried about hogging the humble delicacies of our breakfast table (from my bro’s share, please note. He is two years younger than me. And, I, the hogger, believe I am entitled to his share too). All my focus was on the plan, which I had assiduously laid out on the table.
We had a full house. We were in the front garden of our 500 square yards home, which was our abode for the first 25 years of my life (the part of my life that I so fondly remember), and some chirpy birds too had joined us. I excitedly narrated my ruminations from the night before to all present.
I also took them through my painstakingly crafted map, containing each and every milestone carved with utmost clarity. Dad was impressed, as usual. Mom was looking at the map seriously, as usual. My bro was pensive — this wasn’t usual.
I expected him to roll his eyes and poke fun at my plan. [I always feigned irritation at his jokes but secretly admired them for their inherent wisdom. I never told my bro this. Siblings’ playful banter, you see, which makes our taxable life a little bearable].
My bro expressed his pensiveness with a few “What Ifs.” Dad countered him with, “What if your What Ifs don’t matter.” Mom was silent, but no longer serious. She was calmly sipping her tea with her favorite biscuits.
I used to liken Mom’s calm to that of a “calm before a storm,” and so it made me pensive! (It took me a lot of time to get accustomed to her thinking and the fact that she always believed in me, even when my self-belief was nowhere to be found. Not just that, her silence, as I realize in retrospect, made me get better prepared for the future).
Ultimately, the pensiveness of my brother and my own thoughts did get to me and transformed itself into fear. I saw myself anxiously second-guessing the plan I had worked on with such passion and excitement.
Although it was Friday and not Thursday, the prayer I had read the night before surfaced in my mind and I saw myself reciting its first line:
“Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high.”
Dad had said that I would lead myself. My mind first made me fearful and then showed me the way to walk fearlessly — with my head held high, on my chosen path. Crazy!
The wise ones, rightly, compare the mind to an uncontrollable monkey, I tell you!
But I knew I wasn’t that monkey-mind. I was absolutely certain of that.
There was some entity within me controlling my mind — I strongly felt it. Just like the image above, with the monkey playing inside the open head of a calm human. I was that calm! I knew it!
But yet to realize it.
Time gradually turned my visualization to a realization of that entity, as a pure unencumbered calm and peace deep within me. I am not this mind. I am That!
What a joy it was to know thus, but this was not the end. This realization was yet to become an absolutely certain and undeniable fact. The journey was long. However, glad I got to start on it!
Next Up (I publish weekly): My First Milestone
About Me
Greetings! I am a Learning Evangelist, with two decades of experience in L&D and Management consultancy. Writing is my hobby, and I write prolifically on LinkedIn (coordinates below) on my journey — the ebb and flow of my life, that I’m so passionate about.
Riding the wave of life and navigating its crests and troughs like a well-balanced surfer is a skill, which I know I will master only when I make waves. Write in a way that inspires, challenges, empowers and effects positive change! It is with this intentional quest of making a dent in the Universe, I chose Medium as a medium to carry my waves from its source to its destination.
And, by the way, waves always travel through a medium — that is what I learned in Physics. So, join me as I surf up.
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