Ayahuasca Journals (Pt.1)
Grandmother Ayahuasca was calling…and I was listening.
In February of 2023, I started to get the call. (story here: Grandmother Aya is calling…)
In March of 2023, I made a commitment with my Self to attend an Ayahuasca women’s retreat at the end of August.
The entries to follow are my personal, unedited journals that I recorded before, during the retreat, and after the retreat.
Thank you for reading…
Friday Morning
It’s the morning before my ayahuasca retreat. In 12 hours or so, I will be likely ‘coming down’ from the medicine — my first journey complete. I’ve been feeling really anxious this morning — I feel nervous about this huge step I am taking into my healing — a swan dive off a cliff, if you will. I’ve had this feeling the past few days that I am grieving myself. The self I currently believe that I am and have become identified with all these years. But I also know that that is not my true self — that all the pain & all the sorrow, although the chains have loosened; continue to keep me bound.
I want to remember. I want to release all this pain that I carry with me. I want to remember who I truly am and truly come to love myself again. I want to return to my essence — my heart — and experience true love. And I know that it is all within me.
I pray that my ancestors, my Dad, my spirit guides are all there to walk beside me. To hold me. I pray that Grandmother Ayahuasca’s spirit is gentle with me and my tender heart.
This will be a challenging weekend — but I intend to surrender and lean in. To trust and be open to the infinite possibility of what Aya’s spirit has to reveal to me — and trust that it’s exactly what I need for where I am right now.
I am ready. I am brave. I am strong. I can do this. ❤M
Friday Evening Thoughts — Pre-Ceremony #1
A dragonfly landed on me pre-ceremony. Synonymous with the angel word I picked ‘Transformation’. All week I’ve been saying that I feel like a massive transformation is going to occur this weekend…
I am not broken-in need of healing.
I am wounded — in need of tender, loving care.
My Mantra: Breathe in love, breathe out fear.
My intention: To remember who I am underneath all this pain — to let go of what is weighing my heart down.
Please be gentle…I trust my body will do what it needs to do & that no harm will come to me. ❤ M
15mL for my first ceremony…
Works Cited:
Featured image: Ayahuasca Flower
