HOW TO DEAL WITH CHRONIC COMPLAINERS
Hey re-inventors!
Do you remember my last post where I tried to pull all the complaining off from the complainers? If not, check it out here
I tried to suck all the complaining out of the complainers so that they can get a different perspective on life.
Complaining is a no winners game and we people who are positive and happy know that how difficult it gets to deal with people who are just chronic complainers (If you’re aware enough to know that you are complainer, check out the article linked above)
I often face a dilemma while dealing with such people: Should I agree or disagree? Should I give a solution or not? Should I try to change their perspective or not? And does that guarantee that they won’t complain again?
I figured out that negative people are different type of people. They are neither optimistic nor pessimistic. Also, they claim to be realists but they are NOT
Here’s what they are:
Optimists see: A glass half full.
Pessimists see: A glass half empty.
Chronic complainers see: A glass that is slightly chipped holding water that isn’t cold enough, probably because it’s tap water when I asked for bottled water and wait, there’s a smudge on the rim, too, which means the glass wasn’t cleaned properly and now I’ll probably end up with some kind of virus. Why do these things always happen to me?!
Well, it may not be that exaggerated every time, but this somewhat paints the real picture.
Complainers are a different breed of people and it’s difficult to deal with them.
Some traits of these complainers are:
1. In their eyes, they are right and the world is wrong:
Complainers often think that they are not negative and the whole world is. They think that all the negative things happen to them and it is their right to complain. According to me, their typical reaction is “Why me? Why does it happen to me all the time?”
2. They seek only validation:
The purpose of complaining is to let feelings out and feel that people listen to you. Basically all they want to see is whether other people are having the same problem. They become extremely happy if they do and then join them it complain more.
3. They do not understand:
Complainers always have a reason to believe that all the hardships are being faced by them and the lives of other people are extremely good. Thus, when someone advises them, they feel that other people do not understand their emotions and what they are going through. This makes it even harder to convince them guys.
THE SOLUTION?
Honestly, I have searched the internet numerous amounts of times which has led to nothing but confusion. The articles are really good, but at the same time, if it does not give me clarity or if it does not feel right, I do not execute upon it.
Here are things that I like to do in order to deal with such people:
1. Listen:
Before responding, you have to listen. It is as simple as that.
Why is this part so crucial? Because you need to figure out whether their problem is legit or not.
If they complain how the coffee machine ditches them every time, it’s not legit.
This will help you to figure out whether it is even worth your time.
2. Agree:
If the matter is not legit and you think that they are here for no reason, just agree. Because as it is, their main motive is to seek validation, so give them some!
However, if they are complaining about a person, you should probably not agree because by agreeing, you become a part of the discussion and it may fire back on you in the future.
So, judge carefully!
3. Brave enough? Then give a solution:
If you are really brave and want the other person to switch to positivity (like me), then tell them respectfully what you think.
Tell them that according to you, the matter is trivial and they should not worry about it because at the end of the day, it will all be fine.
Don’t sound as if you do not understand their problem. Tell them, “Hey I get your problem, but here’s my take on it……”
4. Some follow up:
Once you implement the 3rd step then you have to see whether the person really understands your point or does he/she go back to their same behavior.
If the person goes back to his/her old behavior of complaining (which is often true), then you get your answer. The answer simply is that your advice was not enough for them to change and/or they might not be willing to change at all, because at the end, complaining is easy and people like to choose the easy things.
WHAT IF THEY COME BACK?
If they come back to you, you know that they are not going to change.
Then your reaction depends upon the fact whether you have time to listen to them.
If you do have some time, listen and agree and if possible get them to talk about something positive.
So, for example if your co-worker is complaining about work, tell him, “Hey, we’ve had enough talking about work, let’s talk about something else!”
If you do not have time, then just tell them simply that you really have work to do and you will not be able to listen to them. And if you do this enough times, chances are that they will not come back to you for complaining
Most of my friends know that complaining in front of me is just inviting a series of arguments as it is difficult and frustrating for me to see someone be negative all the time and thus I go on complete offense(which may not be right). Hence, I am trying to change that :)
I hope this article provides some value to you guys and helps you solve some problem in your life.
I would love to hear from you guys, what tools and strategies do you use to deal with complainers? I am not perfect and would be pleased to take some advice from you guys! :)
Also, hit that green little heart so that other people who have the same problem can see this article
Keep changing for the better and keep Re-inventing Yourself!!
CHEERS!
