Trickle Truthing Is a Subtle Relationship Timebomb
Unhealthy relationship tactics and manipulation
If you’re in a relationship, you’ve probably heard of “tough love.” But what about “trickle truthing?”
It’s a new relationship term that’s trending, and it’s one that you should be very careful of. Here’s what you need to know about trickle truthing: it’s a manipulative and unfair way for your partner to control the flow of information in your relationship.
This article is all about trickle truthing:
- What is it?
- Why it’s so damaging to your relationships
- What to do if your partner is doing it
Keep reading to learn everything you need to know about trickle truthing.
What Is Trickle Truthing?
Ever been in a relationship where, out of nowhere, your partner dropped a bombshell?
Maybe they waited until you were on a weekend getaway meeting your family to mention something sordid about their past. It can be anything — the specifics don’t matter as much as the subterfuge.
If this sounds familiar, you may be the victim of trickle truthing.
Trickle truthing is when your partner slowly shares information over time at strategic points in your relationship instead of telling you the full truth upfront.
Typically, the truth being trickled is something they don’t want to be judged for or something they think you will not like.
For example, let’s say your partner cheated on their ex.
They may not tell you this right away because they know you would judge them or be upset. Instead, they may wait until you’re further along in the relationship and then drop it into conversation casually, as if it’s no big deal.
Or, if you’re planning to get married and your partner starts occasionally dropping hints that they have a ton of debt.
The most common reason though is cheating.
In other words, trickle truthers use information as a way to control their relationships.
What Is Not Trickle Truthing?
Trickle truthing is not building trust with someone. It’s not the same as not spilling all your baggage on a first date.
That’s not trickle-truthing. That’s just good dating sense.
But, before you get serious with someone or ask them to make some kind of public or big commitment, it’s probably best to spill the beans.
All the beans.
If you think they would want to know, tell them.
If your past partners reacted strongly to the information, it’s probably information that your current (or potential) partner needs to know.
Maybe you spent time in prison, committed a crime, have 14 kids, have an STD, used to work in the sex industry, etc. Not everyone is going to be ok with those things — and that’s ok.
It’s better for you and them to check your compatibility sooner than later.
Why Trickle Truthing Is a Subtle Relationship Timebomb
Trickle truthing is a time bomb that’s just waiting to go off.
Here’s why:
- It’s manipulative. Your partner is purposely withholding information from you that you deserve to know. They’re essentially using your own trust against you. And once that trust is broken, it can be very difficult to repair.
- It creates unnecessary drama. When you finally do find out the truth, it’s likely to cause a big argument or blow-up. And all of that drama could have been avoided if your partner had just been honest with you from the start.
- It puts your relationship at risk. If you can’t trust your partner to be honest with you, then how can you truly trust them? This lack of trust can eventually lead to the downfall of even the strongest relationships.
If you’re in a relationship and you think your partner might be Trickle Truthing you, beware.
It’s a dangerous game that’s not worth playing.
Why Do People Trickle the Truth?
There are a few reasons people engage in trickle truthing.
The most common one is to protect themselves. By sharing the information gradually, they’re giving themselves time to gauge your reaction and prepare for the worst.
In some cases, the truth may be something they’re not proud of or something they think will make you judge them.
By sharing it gradually, they’re hoping you’ll be more understanding and less likely to end the relationship. Another reason people engage in trickle truthing is to make the information more digestible.
If the truth is shocking or difficult to believe, sharing it gradually can help you process it better.
Lastly, people may engage in trickle truthing because they think you’re more likely to accept the information if it’s presented slowly. This is especially true if the truth is something you might not like.
By sharing it gradually, they’re hoping you’ll be able to see their side and understand why they did what they did.
Trickle Truthing Examples (My Experience)
I’ve been on the receiving end of trickling truth on several occasions.
One woman I dated revealed that she used to be a stripper — while on a weekend away where she was meeting my family.
There’s nothing wrong with being a professional dancer, but a weekend getaway is not the time nor the place. It seems strategically planted information in a place and time where I couldn’t really fully react to the information.
In another relationship, a woman told me about decisions she made in her past that didn’t line up with my personal values and ethics.
Again, this was deep into the relationship and during an out-of-town trip.
I’m not saying you need to bear your soul in the first few weeks.
However, it’s better to say it earlier than later. If and when the truth comes to light (and it usually does eventually), the damage to trust in the relationship can be irreparable.
By the way, both men and women trickle the truth.
But since I’m a heterosexual man that dates women, I can only share from my own perspective.
Here’s What To Do If Your Partner Is Trickle Truthing
If you’re suspecting you’re being trickle truthed, pay attention to any inconsistencies in your partner’s stories and how often they avoid answering questions directly.
If you confront them about it, they may deny it or gaslight you by telling you that you’re overreacting or exaggerating.
But trust your gut.
If something feels off, it probably is. And if your partner can’t be honest with you from the start, what else are they hiding?
If your partner is engaging in this behavior, it’s time to have a serious conversation about it. Sit down with them and ask specific questions. Ask them to tell you everything, even if it hurts.
Final Thoughts
There is a time and place to slowly and gently share information — such as when you give your partner feedback.
Too much at one time can overwhelm them.
But when it comes to revealing important information about ourselves, it’s almost always better to share more, not less.
Related posts:
- Why Your Relationship Needs a Comfort Character STAT
- 4 Toxic Boundaries That Creep Into Relationships
- The Verbal Skill Missing From Most Unhappy Relationships
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