What is Codependency Really?

Codependency is sneaky and powerful. You may not be aware that it’s the root cause of your problems. Focusing thoughts and behavior around someone else is a sign of codependency. We react to something external, rather than our own internal cues. Addicts are codependent, too. Their lives revolve around their addiction — be it food, work, drugs, or sex.

Definitions

Researchers found that their codependent behavior developed in childhood growing up in a dysfunctional family. The 12-step program Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) was founded in 1986. In 1989, experts at a National Conference arrived at a suggested definition: “A pattern of painful dependency on compulsive behaviors and on approval from others in an attempt to find safety, self-worth and identity.” Yet, codependency is not considered a disorder by the American Psychiatric Association, due to lack of consensus on a definition and empirical research. Other definitions by experts in the field include:

Melody Beattie: Allowing another person’s behavior to affect him or her and obsessing about controlling that person’s behavior.

Earnie Larsen: A diminished capacity to initiate, or participate in, loving relationships.

Robert Subby: Resulting from prolonged exposure to oppressive rules.