RELATIONSHIPS
I’m breaking up with you
Letter to a friend with all the words I struggled to say
I’m breaking up with the way you take me for granted and the way I keep crafting creative excuses to let you get away with it.
I’m breaking up with the notion that your problems are always bigger than my problems, that your feelings are always bigger than my feelings and the way I keep making myself smaller so we can fit.
I’m breaking up with how fifty minutes of your time are worth more than fifty minutes of mine and how I keep shaking the hourglass looking for extra crumbs of time.
I’m breaking up with how you have problems with everyone in your life, and still I managed to turn a blindeye. I bought into you being misunderstood, lonely, and confused; instead of seeing that when you blame everyone else, you leave no room for empathy and kindness.
I’m breaking up with the fact that you’re my oldest friend because history alone isn’t enough. I’m the queen of second chances and ninth chances, but like a cat out of lives, I’ve fallen for the last time. I’m breaking up with you. I’m cutting the ties, I’ve been keeping them tethered by sheer force of will and memories, but I’m done now.
That day, I got angry because hurt sometimes shows up like that, but once you look anger in the eye, you see it for what it is. So I hung up the phone, sat on the steps and cried and cried. I had been holding on so tight my fingers were cramped, and it hurt to open my hand. But I did it: flex, unflex, unwind and watch the red string fall and fly off.
“I don’t know what you want from me?” you wailed.
Naively, I answered: in Spanish, in English, in a combination of the two. I said it in the most straightforward way: this is what I want. For once I said it out loud — slow and clear if a little high-pitched.
But you just asked again “ what you want from me?” because you’re not really listening. You’re never really listening.
Some people will think it’s harsh, some will think it’s long overdue. Silently staying in a friendship that felt increasingly one-sided was a disservice to us both. Teaching you year after year that this was okay, teaching myself too. I think it’s time, I’m breaking up with you.
This article is solely for informational purposes and represents the writer’s personal opinion. Please seek professional advice if required.
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