Living Fully
5 Strategies to Keep Life Brimming with Meaning and Dignity
I recently came across a profoundly thought-provoking essay on personal renewal all the while browsing through Buddhist and psychology books.
I wanted to learn how to cope with life’s emotional roller coaster and how to temper my reactions to external events. That I’m pursuing entrepreneurship only intensifies the ride. So though I’ve previously shared some thoughts on external sources of happiness and powers of delayed gratification, I want to share with you what I find to be useful, guiding principles on walking one’s path. It is, of course, up for interpretation. So let me know what you think.
- Greatest Love of All
As some late superstars have pointed out, the greatest love of all is loving yourself. It doesn't mean being selfish, but more so relying on yourself, nourishing yourself, understanding yourself and investing in yourself. The happier and more motivated you are, the more productive you can be—with positive benefits that trickle toward everyone else around you. So love yourself, even if that means, however small, giving yourself a gift everyday.
Loving yourself will help you to sustain a positive attitude and have an energy to endure whatever adventure you choose for yourself. Positive attitude counts a lot in life.
2. (Emotional) Self-Control
Lately I’ve been fascinated with Studio Ghibli animations and with the recurring theme of flying castles. I think of a flying castle as an allegory of a romantic adventure, while keeping true to oneself. I consider this emotional self-control of values during an adventure, like entrepreneurship.
On such an adventure, you must stay true to yourself to arrive at your ideal destination. How you set your directions for said destination relies heavily on your values, which, in turn, relies heavily on your ability to control emotions and become cognizant of your inner-self and actions (i.e. what drives you and your values). Not everyone naturally commands these abilities, though meditation seems to be helpful when building introspection. By understanding what needs drive your actions and emotions, you’ll then be better with exercising self-control with emotional decision making. You’ll be clearly disciplined when making hard decisions—ones that don’t compromise your values and ones that aren't a result of emotional fear.
And with clear emotional discipline, you’ll be able to balance both fearlessness and vulnerability. Chogyam Trungpa nailed it when he said “Real fearlessness is the product of our tenderness. It comes from letting the world tickle your raw and beautiful heart.”
3. Letting Ego Go
To fully avoid any disputes is incredibly challenging. This, of course, depends on one’s upbringing, ego and personal differences. It’s not until you suddenly realize that people around you are as important as yourself will you view life through a new frame of calm and happiness. I call this letting your ego go.
A great way to think about this is to go back in time and picture yourself as a child. Your mom, who took care of you, sacrificed everything: would wake up in the middle of the night to check on your crying, would spend days and nights tending to your needs, would teach you everything she knew from her mom to you. You were the heart of the household—and your mother was absolutely selfless. Why not spread this love and care to people around you? Here’s your challenge: for the next person you meet, think of your mom and try to be as respectful and generous as possible. See how that goes.
You might ask, what exactly is generosity? It’s a) to provide material goods and comfort to others b) to provide examples of fearlessness and mentoring to those seeking personal renewal. Start brainstorming ways of being generous today. Having trouble communicating generosity? Check out Microsoft CEO’s most favorite book on non-violent communication. You’ll realize it’s actually much harder to be kind than smart.
4. Nothing to Lose
Steve Jobs was spot on when he said ”all are naked in face of death”. Our inability to hold onto things once we die gives us perspective: how we perceive long-term vs. short-term goals, legacies vs. personal gains, life of love vs. life of fear. Nothing is permanent, and human life is a hollow shell once we die. Sometimes it takes my driving all the way to Crater Lake in Oregon to reinforce this view in my mind. (All you need to do is look up and see the stars scattered around the night sky.) There is no point worrying about small, daily things.
Nothing can crush you.
In our generation, with so many people diagnosed with cancer (and you have 50% chance of surviving this diagnosis), there is no reason to not pursue your passions—every day. Any day can be your last one.
So, go.
5. Be Legendary. Push Your Limit.
This is Bruce Lee’s approach to life. Always improve yourself in any way you can. Everyday presents an opportunity to grow your skill set, body and mind. I really like Marc Andreessen’s four ways to improve your luck:
a) increase serendipity
b) be relentlessly curious
c) be able to synthesize your life experiences
d) be different
While working on these qualities, I find it important to treat myself gently and well. For example, when my work seems overwhelming, I find comfort in a fat, musty book, long walks and meditations on Ocean Beach, sprints at the gym, early sleep (with earplugs!) and even the ocassional dates with friends. Engaging in these activities have helped me connect with a recent personal renewal essay I read. Here’s an excerpt: “You have within you more resources of energy than have ever been tapped, more talent than has ever been exploited, more strength than has ever been tested, more to give than you have ever given”.
So try to make sense out of your life’s direction with a full heart. Love yourself. Temper your emotions and actions. Lose your ego and treat everyone like your mother. Have courage when pursuing what you love. Walk through the weeds: it tends to be the most interesting anyway.
Allow me to finish with powerful excerpt from the same essay:
“Meaning is not something you stumble across, like the answer to a riddle or the prize in a treasure hunt. Meaning is something you build into your life. You build it out of your own past, out of your affections and loyalties, out of the experience of humankind as it is passed on to you, out of your own talent and understanding, out of the things you believe in, out of the things and people you love, out of the values for which you are willing to sacrifice something. The ingredients are there. You are the only one who can put them together into that unique pattern that will be your life. Let it be a life that has dignity and meaning for you. If it does, then the particular balance of success or failure is of less account.”
