Ruffled Feathers

I have no problem with a diversity of opinions. In fact, completely welcome such a thing. Difference in opinion, thoughts and ideals is what fuels progress because we never know to change until we have external forces pushing us to either defend or abandon our ideals and beliefs.

That being said, lines have been crossed.

You might have recently read a piece by my room colleague and life-long best friend Riley Roberson.

Riley is a standup guy who constantly deflects attention from himself and will laugh at essentially anything –– especially if it involves me losing my balance or mixing up my words.

With that being said, Riley is also a back-stabbing, double-crossing heathen who thinks its okay to disgrace someone’s entire foundation of potato chip ideology.

Here’s the evidence (taken from his most recent post, A word thing #753):

Last thing: serene means unruffled. Let me explain the logic behind this. Ruffles are okay chips. They’re just okay. Maybe top 30 chips. The top five chips are (definitively):

Cool Ranch Doritos

Original Lays

Pringles Tortillas Zesty Salsa

Kettle Brand Sea Salt & Vinegar

Straight up tortilla chips

So, serene is a good thing. Ruffles are a bad thing. Serene means un-Ruffled, which means un-bad-thing, which means good thing. You get it.

Ruffles = not serene

Okay dude. You can have any chip opinion you want. I don’t care if you like Lay’s Mac and Cheese-flavored chips or Takis (man, where did that trend go?). But, what you can’t do is claim that you and you alone have the final word on all things chips.

You have Doritos at the top of your list, so I’m with you. Even though Nos. 2–4 are meh –– in my opinion –– you finish out the list strong. At first, calling Ruffles “okay” or a “top 30 chip” is fine because we don’t have to like the same kind of chips.

But, to exclaim with apparent certainty that “Ruffles are a bad thing” is frankly verbal murder. I love Ruffles. I think they are fun to eat because you can bite at each ridge and distinctly eat exactly how much of the chip you prefer. Go ahead and try that with any other chip. Exactly, you end up with crumb-lap.

I think this hurts me the most because at this very moment, a bag of Ruffles sits in our pantry that have done exactly nothing to harm him. Furthermore, when he insults Ruffles, he insults my childhood. I grew up going to my grandparents house and having Ruffles alongside the sandwiches my dear, sweet grandmother made for me and my cousins.

Frankly, I’m hurt that this sort of malfeasance can exist but more than that, I’m hurt that I’ve been betrayed by one of my most-trusted and loyal compatriots.

I don’t throw this phrase around often, but, et tu, Brute?