Counselor
Penultimate Session
The time has come
For closing books and long last looks must end…
And, as I leave, I know that I am leaving my best friend.
A friend who taught me right from wrong,
And weak from strong, that’s a lot to learn;
What, what can I give you in return?
If you wanted the moon I would try to make a start,
But I would rather you let me give my heart
“To Sir, With Love”
Written by Don Black, sung by Lulu, in the movie by the same name, from 1967, Starring Sidney Poitier
I feel like I’m on bonus time with my counselor. I’ve been seeing him for close to two years now — much longer than I’ve ever continued working with a counselor before. Earlier in the year, he had indicated that he expected to retire by July of this year. A big part of the reason was, the building I meet him in was slated for demolition, to make way for some big new structure that is planned for that part of town. He didn’t anticipate finding another office in the area that he could afford, so felt it would be a good time to hang up his shingle.
I processed that, through a story (the way I process a lot of things), and braced myself for that ending. https://medium.com/afwp/counselor-6c7b2ea75247
However, it appears there have been some protests about the proposed new structure, which have caused delays in the demolition of the building I meet him in, so he’s holding off on his retirement until that all comes to pass. I’ve decided that, as long as he’s around, I’ll keep going in to talk to him, every other week.
I was going through some real emotional crises two years ago when we first started our sessions. Coming on the heels of surviving a very rare brain tumor, suffering severe and chronic vertigo, the ending of my softball playing career, and an extremely stressful position at work, none of which were directly related to, but certainly exacerbated, my emotional crises at the time, I was so ready to be counseled.
Steven turned out to be the perfect counselor for me. Possessing a great deal of common sense, and a strong moral, but a nonjudgmental core, those sessions (weekly at the time) really helped me to find my bearings during turbulent times.
While I have made significant progress these past two years that I’ve been seeing him, I don’t consider myself completely out of the emotional woods, just yet. I feel like I still have a few issues that need time to unravel.
This has been one of the big differences between this counselor relationship, and previous ones I’ve enjoyed. I’ve stuck with this one, even when things first seemed to stable out, recognizing that we’d tapped into some areas that were worth digging a little deeper into. Steven was a damned good companion to do that digging with. It always felt more like talking to a good friend, than talking to a counselor paid to listen to me.
He’s also been one of my greatest champions during this time. During our “getting to know you” phase early on, after one session, he exclaimed, “You’ve really led an interesting life, Pete!” I really have, but at times, we are our own worst enemies, and we develop the attitude of “sure, but what have you done for me lately?” I was in as dark a place as I’ve been in, for many years, when our sessions started.
I wrote all of the above before my bi-weekly session with Steven last evening. At the session, I learned that it would be my penultimate session with him. He’s probably going to get kicked out of his office by early August — maybe even sooner. Recent town elections apparently brought in a crew who were ready to push ahead with the planned development, despite the protests. We tentatively scheduled our next session, but he said he would call me if he gets the boot before that.
While I am bummed that it is happening so quickly now, I do feel like I’m in a much better place now than I would have been, even a month ago. I’ve seemed to have turned a corner in how I’m feeling, emotionally and physically, where I feel like I’ll be okay on my own, now. Before this, I wasn’t so sure.
My time with Steven has served me well — I learned so much about things that really count, like my own moral center, and how I can bolster myself, emotionally, without cutting myself off from feeling. There’s a fine line, there, and I feel like I’ve finally gotten to where I know where that line is, and I know where I want to stand on it, where I choose to stand. I can find balance from that place — if that makes any sense. It does to me, and that’s what really matters. Steven helped me to find it.
I’m just grateful I got to spend all the time, over the past two years, with this nicest of men, who became something of a father figure to me. Like a good father, he helped me to grow up in an area that I hadn’t really grown beyond maybe my late teens in, emotionally, and in this way, has helped me to be and feel more like the man I really want to be.
If you wanted the stars I would write across the sky in letters
That would soar a thousand feet high
“To Sir, With Love”
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