Opinion And The F-Word
Self-ish prompt: What Does Feminism Mean To You?
What is this all about? Blame game and denial? A way forward? Who should take action? Who should speak? Who should be listened to; the message or the messenger? What is the message? Who knows better?
Freedom of thought and expression is amazing. It grants liberty to think and air anything; that all men are trash, feminists are angry lesbians, patriarchy is a man-conspiracy, women who speak up are entitled and those who don’t are all either brainwashed and oppressed or just traitors. Basically, it allows everyone to endorse and pronounce anything with the certitude of knowing what is happening and/or what should be. It allows everyone to find fulfilment in their own thoughts, whether founded on ignorance or verified knowledge. And that is great! We all need fulfilment, don’t we?
A few months ago, an old mate (permission granted: let’s call my mate ‘Anyone’), after reading two of my Manka’a stories (the rape victim and the disfavored farmer), asked me:
“Hum…are you a feminist?”
At first, I laughed it off thinking it was rhetorical, but Anyone insisted. And I would neither give a “Yes” nor a “No” to this question without knowing what understanding of feminism Anyone was comfortable with. Often times, when this discussion comes up, arguments start fusing without both parties realizing that their ideas are founded on two different if not opposite shades of feminism. So I asked:
“Wait, what is Feminism to you?”
I stopped there to avoid bias, and let Anyone find words to express a virgin opinion.
Meanwhile, my synapses started firing all the shades of feminisms I have come to identify. Was Anyone referring to any of these or had a new one come up lately — which was it?
“The Remedial Pill Or Gradual Communal Therapy?”
The pill that men should take in with water, close their mouths and allow to sink deep because their opinions are all mansplanations of feminism? The pill all women will drink in a corner, slumber, and wake up to a fair and equal world?
Or The gradual therapy comprising uncomfortable discussions to be engaged by both men and women — with more objectivity than emotions — until they come to a common level of compromised knowledge or blissful ignorance?
“The Anti-Men Or Anti-Gender-Bias Revolution?”
The revolution of women, by women against men? The construct that the female collectivity should be cautious of the male collectivity for their patriarchal antecedents? The painting of man as dispensable? The boycott of testosterone?
Or The revolution of everyone, by the willing for the disfavored woman? The devotion to indiscriminately call out discriminatory acts, heal the systems and reprimand the culprits one case at a time? To reproach both: Mme le Maire who registers her male drivers at CNPS, but not her housemaid to whom she does not even pay the Minimum Wage; and Mr. HR who would not hire both top-scoring candidates at his interview just because they happen to be ladies?
“The Disposable Umbrella or Honest Endorsement?”
The umbrella that perfectly serves when it pours discriminations and right violations, sometimes even amplifying the sound of droplets, but becomes too heavy to carry when more favourable environmental conditions bring forth related responsibilities?
Or The endorsement that stands firm to fight discriminations where they lurk, and also take responsibility for and perform the duties that gender-free considerations bring to the once-disfavored who possess the required abilities?
The Quest For The Pie or Just Due Rights?
The scramble for man-power, masculinity? The quest to invert the biases and get all the privileges that men have, hence making up for the historic devaluation of Woman? The quest to make men submissive too, and enjoy that decried supremacy as much as the latter do (have done)?
Or The struggle to give every woman the rights that she deserves as a human, as a citizen, as a member of society to the same degree as every man? The struggle to establish a system where anyone — whether wearing trousers or skirt — can achieve anything because having equal opportunities?
I was still musing when Anyone replied. “Ah-ha you ask na me?!” (face changed) “…you write about female characters and discriminations here and there as if you know more than women themselves naa?!” Anyone went for the remedial pill and I had my answer.
I am definitely not for Pill feminism, so I replied. “Oh, I get it. No, I’m not a feminist. And you’re right; I obviously don’t know half of what women go through, I just talk about the little I see… here and there.”
Had Anyone not chosen the pill specifically, I would have attempted a deeper exchange of ideas. Besides, I like talking. But Anyone’s standpoint was that a man’s views on feminism are but gibberish. So we both retired to the bliss of our diverging unadulterated opinions and addressed more conciliating issues.
I guess that’s all it takes to make the likes of Anyone happy; staying on your lanes. Because stating your own opinion to the hearing of anyone without a clear point easily sounds like you’re trying to establish your opinions as facts; especially if they don’t agree. You think that what?
They would rather prefer you stay on your lane (whose limits could range from within you to wherever they — the antagonists — won’t hear your opposing views) and let other opinions be. That you give room for all those varied opinions that are turning the f-word into feyman*-ism; on the one hand fearing and rejecting it at all cost (often for what it is not), and on the other, using it to obtain or defend what has no raison d’etre. As I write, someone is shouting loud somewhere that all men are trash and instructing women to either pepper* their husbands or not take sh*t from them; someone is shooting ad hominem attacks at feminists; someone is blaming our grandfathers for the fact that some literate women still consider breeding and cooking for their household their lifetime goal; someone is tagging all female feminists lazy/entitled and the list goes on… all in the legitimacy of what they understand to be feminism, and that’s just fine! Freedom of thought and expression is amazing, isn’t it? Thanks to it, I too can stand here and scribble this bunch of thoughts for you to read. Oh sorry, who’s lane is this?
*Feyman: someone who scams or takes things away deceitfully
*To pepper: to give someone a hard time.
Thanks for reading. You might as well like to read more from me.
