First Time Fail: A Masturbation Misunderstanding
Maybe a rolled up copy of Star Hits wasn’t exactly what he had in mind
Once upon a time, a wide-eyed, precocious preteen was in bed, in the dark, listening to Purple Rain. When “Darling Nikki” came on, the wheels in her head started spinning.
“I knew a girl named Nikki, I guess you could say she was a sex fiend….”
“Fiend? Does he mean friend?” she wondered.
“I met her in a hotel lobby masturbating with a magazine….”
That line stayed in her mind for weeks as she pondered the logistics. She knew what masturbation was, and although she had not yet tried it herself, she imagined it was quite pleasurable.
Weeks later she found herself yet again in bed, in the dark, listening to Prince. Something about the song “Lady Cab Driver” made her feel things she never thought of before. A tingle beyond comprehension, transcending description, formed in her most private area.
As the night went on, and she listened to more Prince, the feeling got stronger. Then she remembered Nikki and her machinations in that aforementioned hotel lobby.
A tingle beyond comprehension, transcending description, formed in her most…
