Finding the Others
They’ve started rolling in. High school acceptance letters are littering virtual and physical mailboxes (yes, those still exist) across the NY metro area. The months of applications, test prep, interviews and essays that led to the awful and anxious waiting game for middle schoolers and their parents is coming to a close.
As teachers, we find ourselves in an often similar but parallel perspective of our parents when it comes to their children, our students. We often feel that we have a more objective perspective on the ‘best fit’ school for their student, and are lucky not to be the ones managing the balancing act of finances, commutes and teenage hormones during the decision making process.
Our school is small — like less than 20 kids in the entire middle school SMALL — and yet our first 8th grade graduates last year made entirely diverse choices for high school. From boarding school to Catholic girls school to city private progressive, they made their way. And while some applied and got in to the local, free of charge public magnet school rated ‘the #1 high school in Hudson County,’ none went. This year, however, out of our slightly larger cohort, a few have applied to this ‘number one school in the county.’ Their snail mail acceptances arrived yesterday, and they’re planning on accepting their acceptances.
We’re a progressive, project-based Montessori middle school, so the idea of a school that’s rigorously academic, high pressure, pro-standardized testing and has an admissions policy that is based ENTIRELY on one’s identified ethnicity and PSAT scores doesn’t feel like our ideal choice for our students’ next step on their educational journey. Not to mention that it’s ‘#1 in the county’ rating is based purely on test scores and attendance.
And so the email arrives to my inbox, subject line filled with exclamations — ‘We got in to McNair!!!’ And it is in this simple statement that I realize I have found ‘the Others.’
Douglas Rushkoff’s new book and lifetime embodiment of work is called ‘Team Human’ and on the back cover it reads, ‘Find the Others.’ I’m pretty positive that somewhere there is brain science proof that we are hardwired to interpret that statement to mean ‘find the others like you.’ Find your tribe, your cult(ure), your community, your peeps. Spread your gospel and speak your mind. Yes, that’s what Douglas wants you do. For sure.
Find your tribe, your cult(ure), your community, your peeps. Spread your gospel and speak your mind.
Yet Team Human intends that ‘Find the Others’ also means opening paths to discussion and understanding with those that are not like you.
If some, any, or all of our students choose McNair, I want to work to understand, respect and honor their choices, not judge them. I wouldn’t want them to judge me for considering homeschool or other non-traditional paths for my son as he enters his 8th grade year, and I certainly wouldn’t want them to allow my being ‘other’ on this topic to encroach on my credibility as a teacher in our program, in my support of ALL student choices for high school and beyond.
I want to talk to these students, their families, teachers and administrators, to understand and learn more about their perspectives, their beliefs, their fears and intentions. Not to say ‘my way is the right way,’ but rather, ‘This is what we’re choosing, and why. Tell me about what you’re choosing and why.’
‘This is what we’re choosing, and why. Tell me about what you’re choosing and why.’
With increasing automation, algorithms and AI, we risk becoming a homogenized conglomerate of digitally optimized humans. We lose the richness of diversity & perspective where ideas thrive. We need myriad paths to travel, to choose, to become ourselves, so that as our children grow, evolve and thrive in their chosen environments, they can come together to share in interesting, diverse ways of thinking based on their experiences. If all experiences are homogenized, there is no diversity of thought, and innovation dies. We all believe our ‘way’ is the ‘right way,’ or else we wouldn’t believe it. This is not mutually exclusive of empathy and perspective.
You don’t have to believe what I believe. But you must believe. In something. Hold it dear, know what it is. Give it up when it’s not working for you anymore, and be willing to know it, live with it, and understand ‘the Others.’ Promise you’ll know why you’re making the choice, stand by it, whatever it is.
Parenting is making a million choices on behalf of another human, from the inconsequential to the monumental, and trusting that some day, while they may not agree with every choice you made, they’ll understand the beliefs that supported your decisions and respect you for them. Perspective and empathy. At the root, there’s nothing else to it. All else evolves from these two things. And neither can thrive in Fear.
‘Perspective and empathy. At the root, there’s nothing else to it. All else evolves from these two things. And neither can thrive in Fear.’
This post is part of a series on my experience and research as a SET Lab Delegate. This project, ‘Serving the Student, Not the System: creating Holistic Student Reports’ is an aim to triangulate family, student and school perspectives to create a multidimensional student report that spans academic, cognitive and social/emotional aspects of adolescent development. Participate in my data collection by clicking here, and read more by clicking here.
#changebydesign #humanfirst #startwithwhy #educationscientist
