Sex Positive Vulnerability on Social Media
Where’s the line between being honest and revealing too much?
“Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.” - Brene Brown
Take a moment and think of some of the well-known sex coaches, therapists, educators, or bloggers you follow online.
Why do you follow them? Is it because they are an authority in their field? Are they funny? Are they relatable? Have they been through something similar to you? Do you just love their color scheme? You just love the way they write or talk? Or maybe a combination of some or all of these factors?
The point is, you resonate with them and their message.
Resonance is a powerful marketing tool.
One of the reasons you find them relatable is likely because they’ve shared some of their personal stories. Whether it’s health struggles, bereavement, break up, or divorce, you may identify with what they have gone through because you may have gone through something similar.
The purpose of social media isn’t to market or sell ourselves, it’s to connect with others. And one of the most basic ways we can connect with each other is through story.
While we are sex coaches and professionals, we are also human. You have experienced your own pain, struggles, and trauma, and may still be in the middle of one right now.
You’re a wounded healer, otherwise, you wouldn’t be drawn to do this work.
Our struggles are what connects us to others.
When you show vulnerability, you show your humanity and can show up as a more integrated person. Clients will be coming to you because they are in the middle of their own pain and struggle and they want to know they can trust you.
When you share your story and allow yourself to show your vulnerabilities, you normalize and validate what others are going through. It’s a way of telling them, “You’re not alone. It gets better.”
This makes sense from a marketing perspective, too, because ultimately, people buy from people. Your clients choose to work with you because they resonate with YOU! The more you show your relatability and humanity, the more you establish the, “Know, Like, and Trust” factor.
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” — Brene Brown
In the words of a wise business mentor I know, “Your sh*t is your gold.” You may not want to take it that far, but the gist is that you can use your pain to help others and let it define your unique message.
As Dr. Patti teaches in the Core Certified Sex Coach™ program, you run the business and you are the business. Your own personal story is inevitably going to influence what you post online and how you showcase yourself as your brand.
But how much sharing is too much?
When does personal sharing on your professional social media platforms cross the ethical line so that it’s less about your clients and more for your own benefit? When does sharing vulnerability to show your humanity cross over into oversharing and turning your social feed into a pity party?
In short, you need to ask yourself HOW sharing about this particular issue or struggle can benefit your clients or potential clients.
I bet you can think of somebody you know who overshares on social media. They will share every single relationship drama, personal struggle, argument, and fight, and be looking for attention. It may have caused you to “unfollow” them because you’re fed up of seeing them complaining all the time.
Remember that whatever you share online — whether it’s a funny meme, a live video, a blog post, or a rant — can and will be seen by current and potential clients. So what kind of image do you want to present and how do you want to be seen by others?
Only you can answer this.
You will know what you feel comfortable disclosing.
Some social media platforms allow you to create private audiences or lists, so that you can choose to share more personal things with just your personal friends and family.
Or create a private personal space and a separate public page or persona for your business.
(I wrote a post on handling personal disclosure within client sessions which you can read here.)
You need to find the balance between authentic connection through revealing of vulnerability versus public oversharing to meet your own needs. I have developed some guidelines that I have found helpful to get the balance between connection and oversharing.
With practice, you can learn how to detect this balance naturally.
Here are a few of my best practices for finding the balance between connection and oversharing when relating painful events on your professional social media platforms:
- Are you in the middle of a painful event — for example, a divorce, breakup, bereavement, health crisis, or bankruptcy? If so, will sharing about this hinder your work with clients? Will they worry if you can hold space for them because they know that you’re struggling right now?
- Check the energy behind what you are posting. Is your motivation for this post coming from an energy of serving or connecting? Is this how you show up with your clients, too? Make sure that whatever you share is in integrity with your message.
- If you are going to share something personal and painful, make sure there is a lesson to it. It doesn’t have to be too elaborate, but something that shows that you are learning and growing from this experience, which in turn shows you to be practicing what you preach and being authentic.
- Be mindful of how many personal posts you are sharing. Does your feed look like you are always suffering and complaining? If so, that isn’t attractive and doesn’t show you as somebody who could help change somebody’s life for the better.
I personally believe that we attract clients who resonate with us, so by showing up as our most authentic selves, we allow ourselves to be seen by the clients we can help the best.
This is why it’s so important to work on your own blocks to being seen and becoming visible, and work on your core values as a brand and as a person.
Social media can be a wonderful space to connect with potential clients and find your professional voice, when used wisely.
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