How Orgasm Delusion Is Keeping You From Greater Sex
And the simple science-based solutions
There is a clear orgasm gap between men and women—but you probably already know that.
More men than women have orgasms during sex.
And a major reason for this gap might be something I call, “Orgasm Delusion.” This article will explain everything you need to know about it.
This Is the Orgasm Delusion
Simply put, the Orgasm Delusion is the percentage difference between how many women report orgasms during sex and how many women that men THINK orgasm during sex.
There’s a bit more to the story but that’s the gist.
Here’s how the published science from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior puts it:
About 85% of men report that their partner had an orgasm at the most recent sexual event; this compares to the 64% of women who report having had an orgasm at their most recent sexual event.
There’s the orgasm delusion. Did you catch it?
20% is a rather sizable percentage separation. I doubt any women are shocked— except, perhaps, at the relatively high percentage of women who say they orgasmed during sex recently.
What I want to focus on is the perception of the men in the study.
The results show not only a desperate lack of pleasure (for women) but also a boon of fantasy (for men).
Maybe it’s not so surprising that men often overestimate how often their partners' orgasm during a sexual encounter.
The delusion, you could say, runs deep.
But why does it exist?
That’s what we turn to next.
Why Does the Orgasm Delusion Exist?
The science isn’t exactly clear on the why but I can see several strong possibilities.
Here are a few potential reasons:
- Hubristic Assumption
- Orgasmic Projection
- Friendly Deception
Hubristic Assumption
Men usually come with a heaping helping of ego.
Aka, pride.
When your manhood is all tied up in sexual conquests and performance, it’s no wonder men come preloaded with self-serving assumptions.
These assumptions protect our identities.
Perhaps we assume our partners orgasm more than they actually do because we want so badly for it to be true.
Orgasmic Projection
Orgasmic projection sounds like a very fun and kinky experience.
However, I’m talking about psychological projection, not physical. Sorry to disappoint you.
Because men orgasm more than women during sex, we might project our own orgasmic proclivities onto our partners.
We think because we orgasm so did she or he or they.
Friendly Deception
I’m not so sure that any deception is all that friendly, but I wanted to point out the positive intention behind the lies.
You probably don’t need a double-blind published scientific study to know that women sometimes fake orgasms.
They probably do this for lots of reasons.
In fact, another study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior reveals some of the most common reasons:
- Protecting her partner’s ego
- Self-arousal (it is a turn-on for her)
- Insecurity
- She wants the sex to stop
- She worries she might not orgasm
All of these are valid and very understandable motivations.
The unintentional consequence of this friendly deception, however, might be part of the reason for the orgasm delusion.
Men might think women orgasm more than they do because a certain percentage of women are really great actors. Pretending (however well-intentioned) might perpetuate the problem.
How It Prevents Better Sex and Pleasure
The Orgasm Delusion prevents better sex by not eliciting increased focus on a woman’s orgasm.
After all, if you don’t think there is a problem, why would you try to fix it?
In the absence of a problem, men believe their partner is satisfied. They conclude that they have done their job to give her pleasure.
And that belief stops them short of seeking real solutions.
Of course, that’s the sweet version of the story. I’d like to believe that the majority of men fall into this camp. However, I can’t dismiss the likelihood that there are also men out there that just don’t care.
We can’t do anything about those guys, though.
Their partners deserve better and need to release those men back into the wild. For the guys who do honestly want to please their partners, there are solutions.
The Simple Scientific Solutions
To resolve the Orgasm Delusion, we can once again turn to the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior.
According to the survey:
- “Women are more likely to orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts and when oral sex or vaginal intercourse is included.”
- Between the ages of 18–59, women are more likely to orgasm at the older end of the spectrum.
- Women are more likely to orgasm when alone than with a partner.
While some of this data is downright depressing, it does offer us some hope.
Men can help women achieve real orgasms more often by engaging in multiple forms of sex acts, including oral sex and penetration. And men can learn from women how they please themselves.
Women can engage in self-pleasure before or during the sex act to increase their likelihood of orgasm.
Building and fostering an emotional connection also can work wonders.
As does texting and sexting throughout the day leading up to the sex act. These are all proven ways to up the odds of a woman climaxing during sex.
Final Thoughts
The delusion is real.
Thankfully, so are the solutions. The good and bad news is that, even if men do nothing, women will most likely increase their ability to orgasm as they age.
There’s a sense of independence and freedom in that.
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