Self-confidence
A week ago at our Shift 2017 planning day Olivia, our 18 year old Shift Apprentice, said something that has stuck with me…
“We don’t want girls to be like ‘I want to look like her’, we want girls to be like ‘I want to look like me’”.
It got me thinking about self-esteem and self-confidence. In a society that profits from self-doubt how do we build young women up to realise they are enough?
Having spent years questioning my own self worth, I can fully appreciate how difficult this task is. I placed my value in the hands of others. I piled on the make-up. I dressed in what was deemed fashionable. I read beauty magazines and obsessed over reality TV stars. I felt my self-confidence wane and grow through others words, through test and exam results, through winning and losing in sports games. I didn’t know what I was ‘good’ at or that I was enough just as I am.
Shift has an ethos around cultivating safe non-judgemental environments and opportunities that allow all types of young women to have new experiences and build new skills. We celebrate the diversity of participants and what they, as individuals, bring to the Shifterhood.
This morning I got a message from a beautiful human who has been a part of Shift from its inception. Natalie is a fashion graduate from Massey University School of Fine Arts and accidently found Shift while doing the ‘Creative Enterprise’ paper in her third year at uni. This paper brings design students from a range of disciplines together to work alongside organisations and businesses who need design solutions to real world issues. I know for a fact that Natalie was initially apprehensive to be ‘allocated’ to the Shift project, but everything happens for a reason, right?
Fast forward 18 months and Natalie has worked on paid videography and design work for Shift, completed her BA in Fashion Design and most recently spent six weeks in India understanding the true cost of fashion. Her message this morning echoed the sentiment of young women lacking self-confidence, but also reminded me of the importance of new experiences that provide inspiration and allow people to find their purpose.
“I’ve had the BEST TIME [in India]!!!!! I’ve been really inspired to start my own [ethical fashion] line (which I haven’t felt like I’ve had the confidence to do like ever). The trip hasn’t given me the confidence but it’s made me so passionate about starting something that supports the people and not just another label!”
My response to Natalie was that self-confidence comes with age/experience and set-backs. It’s how you follow your passion and deal with the set-backs that builds confidence in your abilities. You don’t have to be ‘perfect’ (whatever that means!) from day one, but you must be willing to try, to learn, to look for something that drives you, fulfils you or makes you happy.
If everything was easy and you excelled in all that you do you wouldn’t experience set-backs. It’s in these times when you have the power to make a choice. You can dwell on negative consequences or you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going. The less we worry about failure or the disapproval/negative comments of others the more likely we are to focus on the actual situation and what we want to achieve. This breeds success and happiness, and in turn an increase in self-confidence. You can do it! You are enough!
Here’s a few things Shift has taught me about building self-confidence:
- Meeting new people and making new friends builds self-confidence;
- Feeling like you belong to a group, a community, builds self-confidence;
- Group laughter builds self-confidence;
- Giving new things a go builds self-confidence;
- Turning up alone and being welcomed with open arms builds self-confidence;
- Finding your passion (your Ikigai) builds self-confidence;
- Accepting compliments and REALLY hearing them builds self-confidence;
- Giving to others builds self-confidence;
- Being active, moving more makes you feel good and builds self-confidence;
- Celebrating and embracing your uniqueness, both inside and out, builds self-confidence;
- Knowing you are enough. A million times enough builds self-confidence.
“Somehow I can’t believe that there are any heights that can’t be scaled by a man who knows the secrets of making dreams come true. This special secret, it seems to me, can be summarized in four C s. They are curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy, and the greatest of all is confidence. When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable”. — Walt Disney
