I’m Learning Hebrew And It’s Not Funny
I’m sure there are at least two or three (hundred thousand) hot Israelis who can’t wait to meet me and my impure motives
Once upon a time I went to Israel and met an insanely hot former IDF sex god. Besides the fact that he was unavailable, lived across the world, and smoked 400 cigarettes a day, he was perfect for me.
My obsession quickly went off the psycho meter and now it’s escalated to my learning to speak Hebrew. Yes, one man inspired me to learn an entire language. I mean, I’m not learning it just for him. I’m sure there are at least two or three (hundred thousand) other hot Israelis who can’t wait to meet me and my impure motives.
I’m 51 and Jewish. Yes, I went to Hebrew School when I was a kid. No, I didn’t pay attention. Yes, I had a Bat Mitzvah — it was 38 years ago and written in phonetics. So now I’m starting all over again. I read somewhere that to be considered fluent in a language you have to know 10,000 words. If that’s true, then relying on getting the “word of the day” emails from apps like Hebrew101 will have me fluent in 27.5 years. Just in time for my death.
Hebrew is a very tricky language. It has masculine and feminine versions of words, which is extra annoying since I have no interest in speaking to…
