For decades, Barbie® has empowered girls to imagine everything they might become: a surgeon, an astronaut, even president of the United States. Now there’s finally a Barbie® who offers smart, hardworking girls a glimpse of what they’re more likely to become. Introducing Adjunct Faculty Barbie™!
Adjunct Barbie™ is a part-time college instructor who’s almost, but not quite, ready to give up on her dreams. She teaches eight classes a semester, and she’s hanging in there! As part of Mattel Inc.’s commitment to reflecting a broader range of body types, she has under-eye bags and poor posture, and she’s bloated from stress-eating. Her outfit goes easily from day to night — simply turn her clearance-rack Old Navy blazer inside out, and it becomes a frayed bathrobe, complete with coffee stains.
Girls can take part in all of Adjunct Barbie’s™ academic adventures. Pack her bags as she jet-sets off to Glassboro, New Jersey, Prescott, Arizona, or even Augusta, Georgia, for job interviews that never quite pan out. Leaf through The Chronicle of Higher Education and guess which positions have already been promised to internal candidates. Help her review the honor code with Plagiarism Daisy™. Then after a long day, she’s ready to kick back in the studio apartment she shares with her ex-boyfriend, Freelance Ken™. They’re staying out of each other’s way until the lease runs out! Or maybe she just drives around for a while, thinking about her life choices.*
All of these fun accessories take playtime to the next level (although that level is still not tenure track):
- Her diploma is fully customizable, with stickers for various subject areas. Is her PhD in anthropology? Religion? Art history? There are hundreds of poorly-funded fields to choose from!
- The ID badges from the four schools she teaches at come with mix-and-match lanyards!
- Up to 200 ungraded papers fit neatly inside her purple vinyl briefcase. She’ll deal with them later!
- Her hot pink phone is a Samsung Galaxy S3, and it’s fine!
- The feral cat who hangs out by her apartment complex’s dumpster provides temporary relief from Barbie’s® feelings of isolation. Sometimes she throws him bites of deli meat, but he still growls if she gets too close. She calls him Waffles!
- Her mini-fridge contains a box of chardonnay and five single-serve Trader Joe’s meals. They are the main thing she looks forward to all day!
- Her 7-day pill organizer comes with anti-anxiety meds to be sorted (colors may vary). Is it okay for her to have them with wine? Who can remember?
- Her laptop displays a bookmarked article about that adjunct at Duquesne University who fell over dead in the street. Her name was Margaret Mary Vojtko, and Barbie® thinks about her a lot. Duquesne declined to renew Vojtko’s contract even though she’d taught French there for twenty-five years and was beloved by students. Her heat got cut off that winter because all her money was going to her cancer treatments. Duquesne is a Christian school. Barbie® is spiritual but not religious. The laptop has real buttons!
- Each Adjunct Barbie™ comes with a download code for a special app that lets you see her student loan debt accrue interest in real time.
See what customers are saying:
“Why is her phone cracked? Why does her skirt have one thread hanging down, and why is her hair so limp? I figured maybe the one I bought was defective, but when I went back to the store, it looked like they were all like that. I expected this Barbie to look more dignified. Isn’t she supposed to be some kind of professor?”
“The box of wine has real alcohol in it! I thought this doll was intended for children? I’m afraid to even ask about the pills.”
“Love it — Adjunct Barbie is really cost effective! I got my kid ten of these for the price of a regular Barbie.”
With Adjunct Barbie™ girls will learn there’s nothing they can’t achieve — but a lot they probably won’t!
- Barbie’s Car for Crying In™ is sold separately.