Trophy by Emily Clouse

New — It’s Adjunct Barbie™!

Adjunct Barbie™ is a part-time college instructor who’s almost, but not quite, ready to give up on her dreams!

Katie Burgess
Oct 15 · 4 min read
Illustration by Emily Clouse

For decades, Barbie® has empowered girls to imagine everything they might become: a surgeon, an astronaut, even president of the United States. Now there’s finally a Barbie® who offers smart, hardworking girls a glimpse of what they’re more likely to become. Introducing Adjunct Faculty Barbie™!

Adjunct Barbie™ is a part-time college instructor who’s almost, but not quite, ready to give up on her dreams. She teaches eight classes a semester, and she’s hanging in there! As part of Mattel Inc.’s commitment to reflecting a broader range of body types, she has under-eye bags and poor posture, and she’s bloated from stress-eating. Her outfit goes easily from day to night — simply turn her clearance-rack Old Navy blazer inside out, and it becomes a frayed bathrobe, complete with coffee stains.

Girls can take part in all of Adjunct Barbie’s™ academic adventures. Pack her bags as she jet-sets off to Glassboro, New Jersey, Prescott, Arizona, or even Augusta, Georgia, for job interviews that never quite pan out. Leaf through The Chronicle of Higher Education and guess which positions have already been promised to internal candidates. Help her review the honor code with Plagiarism Daisy™. Then after a long day, she’s ready to kick back in the studio apartment she shares with her ex-boyfriend, Freelance Ken™. They’re staying out of each other’s way until the lease runs out! Or maybe she just drives around for a while, thinking about her life choices.*

All of these fun accessories take playtime to the next level (although that level is still not tenure track):

See what customers are saying:

Why is her phone cracked? Why does her skirt have one thread hanging down, and why is her hair so limp? I figured maybe the one I bought was defective, but when I went back to the store, it looked like they were all like that. I expected this Barbie to look more dignified. Isn’t she supposed to be some kind of professor?”

The box of wine has real alcohol in it! I thought this doll was intended for children? I’m afraid to even ask about the pills.”

Love it — Adjunct Barbie is really cost effective! I got my kid ten of these for the price of a regular Barbie.”

With Adjunct Barbie™ girls will learn there’s nothing they can’t achieve — but a lot they probably won’t!


Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

Katie Burgess

Written by

katieburgess.fun

Slackjaw

Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

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