Poetry/ Brain Fatigue/ Autoimmune Disorder/Invisible Illness
I am a Pathetic Dreamer with no Escape Velocity
Unpoetic Clouds, Grey Cafe, Catching the Ray
People who don’t see you every day have a hard time understanding how on some days — good days — you can run three miles, but can barely walk across the parking lot on other days. I often wish that more people understood the invisible side of things. Even the people who seemed to understand, didn’t really.” ― Jennifer Starzec, Determination
Snow white doesn’t travel the
distance —
It falls to its own weight,
Only a thin layer of air circulates,
And connects us. So we think.
Air now teratogenic, heavy
As you grow inside me
Ready to move,
Still to be born,
The womb cradles you,
The way nature cuddles a storm,
Thoughts pigmented are put in kiln,
Wishing they bake into dreams,
Crack open into verses, geosmin infused,
Waiting by stables for mares to lay their
Platinum eggs…..
Poor Poet, she scribbles on the night,
Pays rent to the beguiling moon,
Buys stars to stick to her pajamas,
A chintzy concoction of star and moon dust
come down the sky-path bathing
her in shimmers, for free,
Only the pajama glitters,
But never the soul…..
The castle in the cloud breaks
into rain,
Aqua sheets like gossamer shutter
obscure the breeze,
Ants scurry for shelter, slowed,
Hugging their crumb for the day,
And you see moths who shine
by morning gold,
Die fluttering around the yellow
streetlight in twilight,
Yellow will be colour when you
will be born…..
And you may ask ,“What’s the brouhaha about?”
Well, Nothing.
All for creating moments like those clouds soft and present
moving along ,throwing kisses to the sky. Adorning and adoring.
Ah! Pathetic dreamer with no escape velocity….
********
[Teratogen: any agent that causes an abnormality following fetal exposure during pregnancy.
Geosmin: stems from microscopic streptomycete bacteria in the soil that produce this compound.]
Corner Fatigued: Fatigue, is the very necessary cleaning and repairing of the aftermath of living. It is the knowledge of the unendingness and of the repetitious uselessness, the ‘do it up’ so it can be done again, that makes fatigue Fatigue.” ― James Jones, From Here to Eternity
It is not same as writer’s block, but losing interest to do things you otherwise enjoy on your good days.
Repeated brakes that flares present you with, constantly to be in the path of war with your own system, excavating thoughts buried inside brain ‘smog’, where on a certain day you need to think really hard to put out one correct sentence on that blank screen, is often called Brain fatigue in text books.Still the process continues, in the hope the thread is not lost and that when the rogue system returns you your own self, no time is wasted to give your engine a head start.
I waste time to write my notes because I am here to chronicle the invisibility of my problems, which only these words can give shape to.
Not the poetry I wanted to write, but that’s what I could conjure for the time being.
A captivating article on ‘Reading’ I enjoyed, by Jude Hopkins in Are-you-reading-to-become-a-better-writer, Because all writers start with reading!
The concept of ‘Waiting’ however old school, has its own sweet melody and is beautifully elucidated by Jessey Anthony in I-will-wait-till-he-comes.
A spontaneous reflection of mind beautifully captured in words in The-song-of-letting-go by Priyanka Srivastava , they way she can.
Switching off the Soul Bay trail as of today. Knowing you will be there to light my way!
And leaving with Raga Miyaan ki Malhar/Megh, the Rain ragas with Ustad (maestro) Amjad Ali Khan in Sarod.
Winter, cold, snow, soggy wind can never be a reason not to usher rain to your inner earth, Enjoy:
