Does Your Loved One Care What You Write On Their Headstone?
I have often gone to the cemetery and thought about how similar the messages are on people’s headstones.
“Always in our hearts,” or “he/she made us laugh,” complete with some religious iconographies, are common.
When deciding what to write on my son’s stone, I faced a real dilemma — and still do, as we have not yet decided. He passed on just over four years ago and was very young. I did not want to write the standard stuff.
For someone who has lived 6–9 decades, writing things like “always in our minds” might be appropriate because you have spent a meaningful amount of time with them in this realm. What’s right and wrong is not the issue — there is no right and wrong.
The point is that what you decide to write is for you only. If it makes you sad and you like to grieve, then as hard as it may be for your discarnate (a person without a physical body) loved one, they will accept it because they love you.
The person who has passed on does not care what you write nor whether the stone is as simple as it gets. But they probably do not want to see you constantly bursting into tears whenever you go to the cemetery. One reason, of course, is that they are not there — the vessel they inhabited for a period is now empty.
They are elsewhere — around you some of the time as well as experiencing their new existence. Your loved one must only come to the cemetery because you are there.
So it is in the physical realm; you want something physical to visit.
So recently, when making this difficult decision (of what to write), my instinct was to tell the truth. I thought of something like, “we shared meaningful experiences through which we learned many great lessons. Our relationship is eternal, and our bond cannot be broken”. Of course, this is the truth, and I am not about to write something that makes going to the cemetery a sad event.
The nature of our relationship has changed, but the essence remains as it always was. I do not want to write something that has a fuzzy meaning. “Always in Our Hearts” is ambiguous — we know what it means on a fundamental level. It means we love that person.
What I take it to mean is as follows: the body contains our spiritual energy, and while we are physical, we can transmit that energy through our heart, mind, etc. If the person is in your heart, you always have the energy to send to them. If they are in your mind, it is not only because you consciously try to think of them but also because they are communicating with you.
It is a bit frustrating, and I don’t know about you, but I would well prefer if my loved ones don’t put something fluffy and clichéd on my stone. In my view, what you put on the stone is important because from time to time, you might go to the cemetery, and when you see something that is standardized, it is far from ideal — in my view.
People are very inventive when choosing personalized number plates, so why can’t they do the same when someone passes with whom they have a solid personal relationship?
Conclusion
When we can’t see the spiritual world, then until we get there ourselves, we must get used to the fact that it is real. Our discarnate loved ones will not only find it easier, but we will also find comfort.
Writing something standard will not affect our loved ones if it does not affect us. They won’t judge us and will be happy for us if we can move on.
However, in the same way that I tell my parents that I love/appreciate them while they are in the physical world, I say something similar to my son for the same reason I say it to my parents. It is a great comfort to know that our love endures and always will, whether they are here or there.
P.S. If you’re a writer who loves to explore vulnerable and spiritual topics, make sure to check out the publication, Soul Craft, and consider becoming a writer for it! We’d love to have you on board. :)
