How friction will make you happier at work
Embracing constraints for a fulfilling career
I’ve had some jobs in my day. Some fulfilling, some soul crushing. I’ve had some bosses too. Some supportive and encouraging. Some demotivating and conniving.
And in other cases, my jobs or bosses could be both inspiring and terrible. Weird how that works.
One day you can love a job, the next day loathe it. One day you can laugh with your boss, the next you fantasize about their demise.
I thought—and still sometimes think—I’d never be happy at work. Like it’s an innate part of my being. Even when I thoroughly enjoy what I do, there’s something deep inside that calls me back to misery.
Then an idea helped me think about happiness, fulfilment, and joy at work.
It has to do with friction.*
*disclaimer: I have no scientific authority to talk about friction. Read on.
What’s Friction at Work?
When things aren’t going as we like, we blame others, blame ourselves, blame our work, or blame our lack of work.
Mercury is in retrograde again? Blame Mercury.
If only I meditated/slept 7.5 hours a night/micro-dosed melatonin.
Sometimes things are less than ideal. Sometimes they just suck.
Friction is a concept I’m coopting from physics to describe this very familiar feeling.
Our definition of job friction is “the force we encounter when interacting with people or systems in the workplace”. Things outside our power, often relating to hierarchies, processes, unpleasant characters, or toxic culture.
Friction impacts us on a very personal level. The feeling that you can’t do the work you know you could if the circumstances were different. The sense that you wouldn’t hire yourself to do this job. Tying your hands behind your back, and taping your mouth shut.
Too Much Friction
Have you ever rubbed sandpaper on a jello mold?
Yeah, neither have I. But you can imagine what would happen, right? The jello would lose its shape, break apart, and get all mushy.
Ever skinned your knee? Elbow? Stubbed your toe?
Yup, me too. It hurt, didn’t it? I’m sure you’re recalling the vivid memory of it right now. Sorry for bringing it up.
Too much friction is painful and destructive. Physically and—in the case of work—emotionally. At work it’s the feeling that you’re unable to do what you believe you could due to some external force pushing on you. The force is so great that you feel powerless, lose motivation, and choose to sit down and check out.
If I were a motivational speaker I’d say this is where you get up and face the challenge head on. You’re David, and that thing is Goliath. Overcome the friction. Blah blah blah.
The reality is that probably wont happen. And not because you’re lazy. People have limits, and the force pushing on you exceeds the energy you have, or are willing, to push against it.
Friction can be detrimental. If a high friction environment weighs too heavy on you and your team, folks will start looking for other jobs. Or they’ll take that misery out on themselves and those they love.
Sound familiar?
Not Enough Friction
Now how about the other end of the spectrum?
A job with no friction sounds nice. It sounds like a scenario where you’d have full freedom to do everything you could possibly want. At your pace, by your rules, self directed.
But what if it’s more like floating uncontrollably in space?
Remember those scenes in Gravity that made you squirm? Whether you saw the film or not, you get it.
Whenever I’ve been in a work situation like this, I’ve found myself paralyzed. With no friction at work, we can begin to question our worth. Nothing is demanded of us, and complete freedom could make us feel as if it doesn’t matter whether we show up or not.
Because absolute freedom doesn’t mean you’ve made it. Even the CEO is accountable to—and responsible for—people below and above her. And with accountability and responsibility comes friction.
Without friction we’ll get bored, lose our sense of purpose, and start daydreaming about our next gig.
Just the Right Friction
So, what’s the right amount? A scenario where we’re challenged to grow and learn, but also supported and encouraged.
This is highly personal, so my first tip is to be ultra-self-aware and know how you respond to friction at work. Everyone is different.
What’s common is that constraints breed creativity, and creativity — whether in your job description or not — is part of your job.
“Our environments… either impel us to see things differently or they don’t. That implies that creativity is in many ways situational, not some inborn faculty or personality trait. When people face scarcity, they give themselves freedom to use resources in less conventional ways–because they have to. The situation demands a mental license that would otherwise remain untapped.”
-Scott Sonenshein, How Constraints Force Your Brain To Be More Creative
The right constraints at work can provide good friction. Leading to a happier and more fulfilling job or career.
So, a pain-in-the-ass boss doesn’t have to be a bad thing. That is, if their force on you is a constraint, not a barrier. Lack of management or leadership could prevent progress, or be a constraint you learn how to work within. Maybe even try to improve.
But when seeking a job, or assessing your current job (ie your dissatisfaction with it) think about the friction you’re dealing with. Is it a constraint that you can use to your creative advantage, or is it only doing you wrong.
If it’s doing you wrong, and the forces pushing on you are too many or too powerful, find a better environment. Your working life is finite, and if you’ve read this far, chances are you want something more.
I’ve used the idea of friction to analyze job misery, assess whether a job was worth the energy, and size up new employers to understand how I’d fit into their company culture.
I hope the idea can help you work through it all too.
Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments, or give it a clap or two.
Oh, and can we be friends?
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