Positive(Vibes + Mind) = Life
As I was laying in bed the other night, lights freshly turned off, blissfully attempting to quiet my mind and lull myself to sleep, I couldn’t.
My environment quieted and from there my inner world took over and grew louder and louder, roaring; finally taking its chance to process the day.
Attempting to tune it out, I tried breath-work, counting, earplugs, melatonin, CBD oil, lavender oil, stretching, ignoring, and rolling around to lay on all sides of my body. Still my inner world grew, expanding to not just processing the day but processing my capability of processing the day.
A gazelle in flight mode as the lion chases, my thoughts ran, “What did so-and-so think when I said this. Could I have said this differently? Why didn’t I say no? What am I going to do about money? Should I work more? Do I need to work more? I have this presentation coming up. I should start worrying about the presentation. I’m not going to worry about the presentation. My cat is going to get her teeth cleaned soon. She’s never been sedated before, what happens if she dies? I can’t lose two cats in one year. What can I do to set better boundaries in my life? I have been feeling angry lately, I am glad to feel angry as it is nice to feel but it may cause me to have a heart attack. My heart is pounding. I can’t believe my grandpa said this racist thing at lunch. Am I racist? How can I be more self-aware. Awww, Frenchie is so cute. I love my little cat. Look at her laying there, all curled up in a ball. So tiny. I sure to love being a homebody. Is something wrong with me?”
They rolled, the thoughts, unstoppable. I tried letting them roll, thinking if I just let them flow and exist, much like in meditation, they would eventually pass, but low and behold they did not. They were building a structure and had plans to move in. As I lay there for an hour, my inner world growing louder, knowing that picking up my phone or watching TV was not the wise choice here, the only way to silence this monster was by getting to the root.
I took control of the chatter. I started saying nice things to myself.
In my head, I started praising, “Renee, you truly are great. You are doing so well in school and look at how far along you’ve come. The program is coming a lot easier than it did in the beginning, proof that you are learning. You are very creative and I am so proud of you for coming to that fork in the road where you feel comfortable enough to again own a business and create for the business. Look at how vulnerable you are at sharing your voice and words through this medium. Such progress over these years. Everything you’ve been reading and the work you’ve been doing to change your pattern and habits — I see that progress and it is nice to feel that shift. You are beautiful and smart and intelligent, funny and kind. Spending time alone is a perfect way to process all these strong emotions and work and life and school issues that come about. You are truly mindful and of course not perfect but your intention is always there and true. I am inspired being your desire to be authentic and show up.”
You know that scene in 30 Rock where Jack Donaghy, Alec Baldwin’s character, is in front of the mirror giving himself a pep-talk before a presentation, and unbeknownst to him his microphone is on, so everyone in the audience can here him pumping himself up?
Well that was me that night, and many nights (and days!) for that matter, having my own Daily Affirmation with Stuart Smalley moment.
As foolish as I feel to admit it, taking control of my thoughts and reinforcing the chatter with intentional, positive thoughts quieted my mind. I fell asleep soon after.
It is easy to allow our mind to derail into auto-pilot mode, unwanted thoughts taking control.
It is easy to drown out the thoughts by flipping through our phones or switching on the TV.
It is a challenge to take the wheel and steer when the powered steering goes out.
After pumping that wheel for so long though, your muscles build up and.. who need powered steering anyway?
You have the power to change your life by simply changing your outlook. It will not happen overnight. Your thoughts may still tend to hop down that bunny trail of overdrive years from now, even as you crest the mountain into positive-thinking guru status, but by taking control of your thoughts and focusing on building that muscle of positvity today, and tomorrow, and next week- over time it will become stronger and easier to quiet that devil that seems to want to hang out on all of our shoulders. You’ll start to notice quicker when your mind is running, and whipping it back into positive gear will become easier.
Can I be the first to tell you that you’re great? Nothing is stopping you from being your best you. I believe in you.
Do the work. See the progress. Rest easy.
