Type-A People Don’t Need Goal-Setting — They Need Goal Acknowledgement
The vast majority of career advice centers around goal-setting and achievements. In other words, just get it done.
Make a to-do list. Buy an organization planner. Reach out to three new people a day. Apply to any and all job listings that catch your eye. Work 60-hour weeks, if that’s what it takes.
But I’m a type-A personality.
I don’t have any trouble getting motivated, getting organized, and getting things done. If it goes on that to-do list in the morning, I’m not getting into bed until it’s crossed off. (This is probably perpetuated by the fact that I’m a freelance writer and editor, not a salaried employee, so if I don’t get things done, I don’t get paid.)
From the outside looking in, this level of drive probably seems like a blessing — and usually, I’m grateful for it. In terms of finding a competitive edge in a creative industry, it’s helped me a lot.
But sometimes, it can really get in the way of my mental health.
No matter how many things I cross off during the day, I feel like I’m not doing enough. Unless I see concrete, rapid results (often for things totally outside of my control), I feel like I’m still somehow behind the eight-ball.
It’s way too easy for me to beat myself up over all the things I haven’t done.
Type-A workers need goal acknowledgment.
The most successful CEOs hop from one achievement to the next and never look back. This, in my opinion, is one of the primary reasons why successful leaders often struggle with anxiety and depression.
Driven, type-A people need to take the time to recognize the things they’ve already done.
A few years ago, I was having one of those days. Current employers were cutting back on hours due to new laws and budgeting. New freelance jobs weren’t coming through. I’d gotten laid off in October, which seriously complicated my goal to buy a house by May.
If I’d asked Society’s advice, Society would’ve told me to keep going; keep working; try harder; be stronger.
I’m really glad I didn’t ask Society. Instead, I called my friend Rosalie — an integral part of my personal support system, and one of the most emotionally intelligent people I know.
“Here’s what you need to do,” Rosalie said. “Tell yourself this — ”
“I am already doing everything I need to do in order to set myself up for success.”
“Because it’s true,” Rosalie continued. “You are. You can’t control everything, but look at all the things you have mastered.”
As soon as she said that, I felt the weight lift off my shoulders.
When I got off the phone with her, I opened a Google doc and started typing. I wrote down every single goal that I’d already achieved this year — and most of them, I realized, would’ve been inconceivable to the version of myself who existed just a few years prior.
I wasn’t waiting tables anymore; I’d found my passion and pursued it. I’d made a name for myself in the industry I loved. I was paying off my loans, every month, without fail. I’d worked with so many great people and gotten published in nearly two dozen publications. I’d saved enough for a down payment on a house.
I’d achieved so much, and not once had I stopped to acknowledge that. Instead, I’d let myself feel like the second I surpassed a milestone, it was no longer enough.
As humans, we’re hard-wired to want approval.
Positive reinforcement prompts a release of dopamine, which is why children fight so hard for their parents’ approval — but as type-A personality adults, we don’t fight very hard for our own approval.
Every once in a while, we have to pat ourselves on the back.
We have to count our self-created achievements the same way we’re told to count our externally provided privileges — because if we don’t, no one else will. Society will keep telling you to try harder and do more, all without realizing that you’re already giving it your all.
It’s also important to note that goal acknowledgment will look different to everyone.
If you’re comparing your list of achievements to that girl on your Insta feed, you’re already doing it again; you’re already convincing yourself that you need to try harder.
Maybe your recent achievements include making $1 more an hour. Maybe it’s ten minutes a day spent doing something that genuinely makes you happy. Maybe it’s the walk you took, or the chapter you finished, or the connection you made.
Once you finally sit down and write them out, I promise: You’ll see all the little, life-improving steps you’ve already taken in the right direction.
