You Are Your Own Worst Enemy — 8 Steps To Stop
I literally punished myself by becoming sick.
You are your own worst enemy.
You always have been and always will be no matter how successful you are.
Whether it’s an empire that falls from within or individual who sabotages their own success, it’s always been more likely to self-sabotage than to be overtaken by outside forces.
Often times those outside forces only matter because you or the empire becomes susceptible to them.
Hemingway became one of the greatest writers to have ever lived, and committed suicide.
People become millionaires every day, only to go broke.
Tolstoy went crazy and the governor of New York wired money to a hooker from his personal checking account.
Empires of hundreds of millions have fallen over one man’s ego — and the empire who was overtaken by an outsider had it coming. The person who’s circumstances are bad, does too in one form or another. Not because they personally deserve it or aren’t victim to bad circumstances, yet it’s their actions that create the reactions and results they have.
Natural selection can never be resisted and radical ownership of everything that happens to you is the only way to be in control.
Practicing you’re free-will is almost impossible, thus taking radical ownership and cutting the downside is key.
Moving forward live as though everything that happens is all for you to own. Whether it’s a sickness or being passed over at work.
Whether it’s your employee not working well or your company performing poorly. It’s all on you and radical candor and seeking to embrace harsh truth is only the beginning.
I was sick for four days last week, a cold I let get aggressive very fast. As the legendary and knighted Dr. David Hawkins (June 3, 1927-September 19th, 2012) would have told me if he were still alive: “we catch illnesses to self-punish, mostly due to guilt”.
This of course isn’t to say the sickness itself isn’t physical, yet, it’s that the beliefs we hold are so powerful, and we do everything we can to ensure what we believe appears true to us, that they impact our bodies and immune systems so much — even to the point of bringing illness upon ourselves.
If you don’t believe that statement, you’re either in denial and/or are very often a victim to the things around you.
Are you sick a lot?
Do bad things happen to you?
Are you in a good relationship? Bad one, or none?
Do you attract people or push them away?
Are you financially where you want to be?
It doesn’t need to be so scientific either.
A family friend of mine constantly complains about everything, all the time, feeling bigger and more significant after each and every stroke that props their ego. You can understand why this family friend hasn’t been able to land a job for years and is constantly sick, in and out of several different doctors regularly.
What’s worse is there’s no telling them they bring it on themselves and the few times I’ve probed to even begin to make suggestions to help end their endless misery, they have been blocked to consider.
Don’t be that person. If you want change, you have to do something different. If you don’t, you’re insane and deserve what you get.
Similarly, Dr. Candace Pert’s pioneering work concluded: “ the body is a reflection of your subconscious mind.”
She elaborates on the phenomena:
I know this is true because I rarely get sick and the only time I do is when I get off my fasting/diet regimen — eating often, eating sugar, and spiking my insulin at regular intervals.
When I do this I begin to hate myself — a problem that stems from childhood where I was chubby. For me, my body becomes less resilient because my mind becomes less stable.
“Get off your ass.”
“Why did you eat all that?”
“How do you expect to be successful if you can’t even control what you eat?”
“You don’t deserve any of this.”
And don’t get me wrong, I work on this and am aware of these strong invisible forces that have been burned into my mind and body since childhood, but it only takes a second to slip back to become susceptible to it.
“When something makes you emotional, it means it’s been burned inside of you, often since childhood. “ Dr. Joe Dispenza
Add to that — I’m a guilty motherfucker who’s hard on himself — constantly trying to stop the belief that I need to self-punish to alleviate all the privilege I have.
Though I’ve gotten better, I don’t know where it comes from but it’s certainly a gift and a curse.
Perhaps it’s first generation immigrants guilt from my amazing parents who came here with nothing and succeeded.
Perhaps I haven’t succeeded as much as my five closest friends. I practice the art of fulfillment outside of things — but still, they’re there and they’re a great way to measure where you are in your life.
I recall the literal moment I witnessed my sickness take over me. I was sitting on my girlfriends couch, doing some work.
I knew I was on the verge of becoming sicker, and was doing my best to stay present, conscious to everything around me. High vibrational thoughts only.
Because as we know, thoughts are physical things. They’re felt, and they impose on the human body.
This is why you have intuition and why stress makes you sick. It’s also why you believe your psychic and psychics even exist. They’re only masters of intuition.
For one second I slipped out of present consciousness. Upon breathing in, I breathed out and felt sickness takeover.
I literally felt myself self-punishing with sickness. Like I watched myself believing I deserved it.
The sinuses plugged up.
The nose started running.
The eyes began watering.
How fucked up is that? Again, we have free-will but we really don’t most of the time.
That’s why our programs matter so much.
This is why I am my own worst enemy, and mankind always has been. As much as one knows how to overcome the invisible algorithms that drive us, it’s hard to do it in practice.
Here are the things I work on to stop being my own worst enemy. I highly recommend considering them.
1. Acknowledge That You Self-Sabotage Every Day, All The Time
We’re all imperfect human beings. Perfectly imperfect.
It’s your job to continually find where you’re missing and install controls and systems to correct.
Start with what you’re likely to self-sabotage each day and put systems in place to not do so.
Scheduling your calendar with your workout instead of believing you’ll make time for it is a must.
Focusing on the single most important thing you can do every day is critical, and getting it done even more so.
Constantly cut the downside and visit your goals daily.
2. Take Radical Ownership Of Every Single Outcome That You Get
“Taking ownership of your feelings is so vital to getting better.” Lily Rienhart
This level of radical ownership is what separates the best from the rest.
People who take radical ownership program themselves to bring to life what they want.
As per my example of getting sick above. It of course isn’t something to fault myself for allowing to happen, but I want to treat it as such so I can keep improving and doing better to block any and all sickness from happening to me, whether it’s physical or mental.
3. Always Look For The Downside, And Cut It All The Time
“You have competition every day because you set such high standards for yourself that you have to go out every day and live up to that.” Michael Jordan
Michael Jordan’s secret to his success was that he set his own standards, and only competed with himself. Raising the bar every day and constantly striving to reach his best.
Our standards define us, yet they can slip in an instant.
The diet that falls apart for a week because of one social outing.
The depressive episode that quickly spirals into all out suicide.
A standard is something that’s never negotiable. It’s who you believe you are and the rituals you practice regularly, often every single day.
My standard for negativity and bad thoughts are zero tolerance. When I receive a negative stroke via a thought, I catch it right there and don’t give my ego the satisfaction.
Whether it’s the righteous indignation from a colleague at work or the family member who doesn’t act in the way you’d like them to.
I can’t control a lot of things, but I can control how I feel about it.
Acknowledging that things happen fast and in an instant, make us look to nip things in the bud, before they get bigger.
It’s all in our control.
4. Seek And Embrace Radical Candor And Harsh Truth
“People don’t change when they’re comfortable, they change when they’re uncomfortable.” — Craig Wasserman, Author of The Invisible Spotlight: Why Managers Can’t Hide
If the feedback doesn’t strike a nerve, it won’t create change.
If you don’t embrace this, you’ll be a victim more than you like and you’ll be less growth minded. People who habitually begin by looking for what’s wrong, set high standards and cut every downside they can as a result.
Over time, they end up doing much better than the one’s who protect themselves and others from feeling bad.
A great offense is a great defense. Dr. Adam Grant has proven this in his best-selling book, Originals. Where he provides anecdote after anecdote of entrepreneurs who are often perceived to be risk takers are actually extremely risk averse and calculated.
When Richard Branson started Virgin, he didn’t just jump into the airline business. Though he was extremely wealthy at the time, he started by simply leasing one plane. He also cut his downside further by making it so he could give that plane back whenever he needed to. He didn’t go out and buy some massive airline which he could have done.
It’s funny because he’s well known for the quote:
“Just say yes and figure it out as you go on.” Similar to the quote of jumping off a cliff and figuring it out on the way down.
Though in different contexts, there’s truth to all three statements.
The Google founders were finishing up PHD’s and actually insisted on finishing. It was Google’s massive success that couldn’t be controlled that got them to stop their programs to finally commit to Google full time.
5. Know Your Different Planes Of Reality And Pick Which Are Most Important To You
If you want to live in your head all the time, money and relationships can be made less important.
If you want to live outside of your head and in the real world, money and relationships are more important.
This is one of the things I’ve struggled with, balancing the abundant inner world that comes with reading and writing full-time, and loving solitude, and the reality of having to live in a society.
A great master of the inner and outer world is Richard Paul Evans who has a concept he calls the “5-Kingdoms” — where the most important kingdom is the first one, your inner world. This is the spiritual place no one else is allowed to enter besides yourself.
Paul-Evans is one of the world’s leading fiction authors and publishers of books. It’s fun living in the first kingdom, yet we of course have to live in the other four which include, life-partner, family, friends, community and the rest of the world.
To be solid in all, you must, first and foremost, be solid in your own kingdom.
Get solid in this kingdom by finding a very clear and concise inner purpose, a very clear daily long term target you’re after, and a strong ‘why’ to exist
Most importantly, reflect on these daily to take on the day in a peak state.
6. Recognize The Power Stories Have On The World And Yourself
“Without commonly accepted stories about things like money, states or corporations, no complex human society can function. But the stories are just tools. They should not become our goals or our yardsticks. When we forget that they are mere fiction, we lose touch with reality. Then we begin entire wars ‘to make a lot of money for the corporation’ or to ‘protect the national interest’. Corporations, money and nations exist only in our imagination. We invented them to serve us. Why do we find ourselves sacrificing our lives in their service?” — Dr. Yuval Noah Harari
Most things aren’t nearly as bad as the stories we tell ourselves about them. It’s usually the story that causes stress, the out-of-present message the mind creates and sends to the body causing it. Most of the time, the thing itself isn’t remotely as bad as our inner reaction or self-talk.
As Sam Harris says, consciousness is everything.
This is evolutions trick to keep the species alive, and it’s certainly working.
Guilt for not being productive.
Guilt for not serving others and serving yourself.
This is the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. It’s an absolute miracle you’re here. Be aware of this and honor it each time you catch yourself making a mountain from a molehill.
7. Take Radical Ownership Of Your State Of Mind
Being and maintaining a peak state is the easiest and most effective way to be calm, confident, cool and clear. It’s really the secret to living well.
This is why I dedicate most of my days to ensuring I get to sleep on time and waking up early in the morning at 5am, it has the biggest impact on my state of mind. Other leaders also swear by this and prescribe it over and over.
8. Pick The One Keystone Habit That Makes You Unstoppable And Make It Unnegotiable
Waking up early determines how I start the day and therefore the state of mind I take on the day with.
And how we live our days is how we live our lives, so waking up at 5am is the single most important part of my life. It determines everything.
Whether I take the time to reflect.
Whether I make the time to expand my mind and bring to life what I want with journaling.
Whether I workout and show up to 9am in as great of a state I can.
Therefore I do it no matter what. When I don’t, I fall out of routine and begin the bad habits that make me feel guilty and make me make myself sick.
It’s extremely hard to turn a day that starts off badly into a good one. If you miss an hour, you’ll spend the rest of the day trying to get it back and you’ll become overwhelmed.
We all have one main thing and it’s all we need.
Find yours and never negotiate.
Bonus Step
Schedule Daily Intense Physical Exercise As Often As You Can
Intense exercise boosts serotonin and releases endorphins, similar to the feeling of morphine.
As research has concluded, the happiest people in the world, are the healthiest people in the world.
Your body impacts your mind as much as your mind impacts your body.
A healthy person has less troubles on their mind and is more resilient to the day to day challenges life throws at them.
As a result, they don’t get as drained.
Conclusion
History tends to repeat itself and history has concluded this:
Empires fall from within.
People crumble because of themselves.
Becoming susceptible to outside forces is due to a force within yourself.
Many a great business titan have become successful to lose it all.
Many a great salespeople become great rainmakers only to blow it all.
It’s actually easy building something, however it’s keeping it and making it grow that tests our character, resolve and discipline.
You are your own worst enemy, keep this in mind and cut the downside every day.
Keep this in mind and cut the downside every week.
Keep this in mind and cut the downside every month.
Keep this in mind and cut the downside every year.
Keep this in mind and cut the downside every decade.
Make a list of everything that matters to you, pin it on a wall.
Cut the downside over and over and perhaps you can transcend yourself into becoming one of the few who isn’t their own worst enemy.
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