What Happens When The Love Of Your Life Tells You That They Love You No More
I died.
My heart dropped and time seemed to stop. That plunging feeling went on and on and on.
I never knew that the reason for breakup could be this simple.
“I don’t love you anymore.”
And because it was this simple, there was little ground for me to fight on. Well, was there anything left to fight for, even?
I wanted to fall off my chair, to use motion to bring me back to reality. But even as I gently released the breath held and started breathing normally again, the surreality never went away. I felt like a helium ball tied to a chair.
And then he added that in fact he had stopped loving me since a few months back. At this, I felt my heart reignited and started beating again. Pounding. Suddenly a new sense of energy coursed through my frozen veins, shaking me awake.
It was anger.
I felt angry, not at him but at myself. How could I let this happen right under my nose! How could I not have known or noticed anything? I was so shocked and perplexed I forgot I was supposed to cry.
He went on to explain that he had simply “lost the feeling” along the way.
I had wanted to question, How gradual was this falling out of love? But I didn’t. I thought, what is lost, is lost. Does it matter how and when? Would it help? I figured the less I know, the better.
“But what about that huge bouquet you surprised me
with on Valentine’s Day?”
I couldn’t help but asked. And what about those sweet miss-you, love-you and kiss text messages he sent? Or the cute Skype video calls we had where we made funny animal noises at each other? How could it be that he’s already out of love, when I was still very much in love? HE was the one who made me feel so, so loved.
These, I needed an answer for. I must.
He replied that he wasn’t playing me. He said that he was trying to fall back in love with me by doing all the lovey-dovey stuff. He said that he had wanted to love me like how he used to, but he could no longer. He had wished that I could be the love of his life again, but things just ain’t the same anymore.
He said that he too didn’t know why or what happened; that loving feeling he had for me just faded away, day by day, until there’s little left for him to hold on to. It would be foolish of him to continue pretending. It would be cruel of him to continue lying to me. So he finally let out the truth.
“It’s not you, it’s me,” he said.
He tried to assure me that he had tried, and tried, and tried. And now he’s tired of trying. Tired of loving.
My throat tightened as my mind tried to slowly process all the information… and then something inside me snapped like a switch. I thought my heart was going to explode but all I could feel was my chest going up and down, up and down.
I wanted to wail, but nothing came. Not even a whimper or a sigh. Is this how a breakup is like? I thought. Where is the tsunami of emotions? Is this the calm before the storm?
Still, up till this day, the tears never came. Not one.
That was two years ago. That was how I broke up with the person whom I thought was my one true love.
Over a simple reason: Love no more.
