TGYN Philly Bar Bracket: Round of 64
In an NCAA-style Tournament, Which Bar Would Reign Supreme?
This is the Round of 64. You can find an intro, including our rules thought process behind the tournament, here.
With 32 match-ups this round, it’s going to be bit lengthy, so let’s jump right in.
The Eastern State Region
(Fairmount, Brewerytown, University City)
(1) Jack’s Firehouse vs (16) 2637
Quags: Our first match-up is an interesting one for a few reasons. For one, Jack’s Firehouse is wildly overrated. I can’t believe it’s a 1 seed, but the late-twenty-somethings floating around Fairmount love this place for whatever reason, so it is.
2637 is a new jawn, and it has a lot of potential! One day the late-twenty-somethings will venture up to Brewerytown and be impressed by its array of delicious cocktails and plentiful variety of beers on tap. And yet…it just hasn’t been around long enough to upset Jack’s. Also, it’s shaped sort of weird. And so, Jack’s moves on.
(2) Urban Saloon vs (15) Era
Quags: Urban Saloon is so odd. Sometimes they have a good DJ, it’s packed, people dance, and there are great times to be had. Other times, they close at 10 PM on a Thursday. It’s also, if you’re like most people and do not live in Fairmount, possibly the only place you’ve ever gone in the neighborhood.
Era, for the uninitiated, is a dive bar at 28th and Poplar that you can always count on for a good, weird time. It doesn’t have the brand recognition of Urban Saloon, or the beer selection, or even the potential for a dance floor. The vibe it carries, though, is super Philly and perfectly representative of its neighborhood. It’s also somewhere I love going and have a personal connection to.
The deciding factor here comes from a story that a friend of mine told me. He walked up to the bar at Urban and ordered a City-Wide Special, a shot and a beer, usually priced at $5 but sometimes more. Understandable depending on exactly what the shot and beer are. What isn’t understandable is that the staff at Urban told him they did not have a City-Wide Special and, even more ridiculous, did not know what that was. After he called the bar out on Twitter for this travesty, they had the audacity to continue to defend themselves. I can’t live in a Philadelphia where bars do not offer a City-Wide. So, yeah, Era wins this round.
(3) City Tap House vs (14) Cavs
John: The first one up for me is pretty tough. Sheesh. Remember this is all for fun though! Ok. So Cavs has to be the one bar in the city that I’ve personally been to the most times, if you count once a week (and sometimes more) from my sophomore year of college until my senior year. Oh, and Drexel is a five-year program. That’s a lot of nights at Cavs, and every one was sadder than the next. But my friends and I have some of our greatest memories from this bar. So for me? Cav’s UC wins. City Tap does have way better food however, even if the pizza at Cav’s is free. #ShouldHaveWentToCavs
(4) Smokey Joe’s vs (13) Blarney Stone
John: I’ll call this — The Battle of the Penn Kidz. I wish I could phone a friend to my cerebral buddy who went there…but I can’t. So let’s battle it out.
Smokey’s…crowded. Blarney Stone…. pool table. 1–0 Blarney. I feel as if Smokey’s is consistently packed with a similar crowd, the Blarney Stone crowd is ever changing depending on the night. Therefore, my theory is this means more types of people enjoy at Blarney’s. VICTORY!
(5) Local 44 vs (12) Slainte
Quags: Local 44 is a University City treasure. A solid, classic, neighborhood bar with plenty of options.
Slainte, though quite popular among the post-work crowd on their way to 30th Street Station, is fine. But it really is just that. Fine. Sometimes I call it Slanty Face Irish Pub. Local 44 moves on.
(6) World Cafe Live vs (11) Landmark Americana
John: Mmmmm Nostalgia(TM) again! WCL is where I had my 21st birthday dinner, which was very fitting for me since it’s a great live music venue. Landmark UC was a staple for our non-weekend drinking with their quizzo nights. I don’t think either will last very long in this tournament — Landmark is more of a happy hour/quizzo-type location where WCL is more of a venue. Both “destination” type watering holes where you’re going for a particular event. Flip of a coin? Landmark gets the upset because I drink more at quizzo than at a show.
(7) Crime & Punishment vs (10) New Deck Tavern
Quags: Crime & Punishment, a new brewpub in Brewerytown, is a great place. Great atmosphere, unique and interesting beers, and a neighborhood feel. New Deck is a solid enough Irish Pub/Penn bar, sort of? I don’t have anything bad to say about it, but C&P is the future y’all.
(8) London Grill vs (9) RyBrew
Quags: Here, you have simply a difference of vibes. RyBrew gives you great options at a pretty low price. In addition to being able to grab beers from the extensive selection in their fridge, they just installed a few taps! Someone is growing up!
London Grill is the kind of place you go for a night cap, or a well-designed cocktail, or a dinner with your parents. They also have this little bench-corner area that gives you a sense of intimacy in an otherwise very busy place. I love me some RyBrew, but London is a genuinely nice place that isn’t too into itself. They take this one.
The Center City Region
(Graduate Hospital, Rittenhouse, Chinatown)
(1) McGillin’s vs (16) Fado
Quags: McGillin’s is a classic, hands down, no questions asked. Fado has its moments, I hear its quite the place to take in some EPL football, but much of the time it is terrible. I once got trapped in one of the small rooms that make up the maze that is Fado. Trapped!! I’m not kidding. It was scary.
I never got trapped in McGillin’s, so it moves on.
(2) Franklin Mortgage vs (15) Ladder 15
Whenever I want to take out a mortgage to afford a hand-made, curated cocktail, I head on over to the city’s most obvious speakeasy. Sure, there’s a line outside and everyone knows it’s there, but you have to like, go down stairs! And the door says it’s a mortgage company! Sure, it’s a little heavy handed, but all kidding aside, the cocktails are great.
And what to say about Ladder 15. Once, I had a good time there. It’s also a bar that somehow, officially, unofficially, arbitrarily, sets its age limit at 23. I’m not really sure how that’s legal or possible, or if it’s a rumor, but preventing 21 and 22-year-olds entry has somehow made this bar worse. One night, as a few of us were waiting to get in and drinking from solo cups in line, the bouncer scolded us and told us that “we weren’t in college anymore”. Uh…sure? I don’t know, this place sucks.
Franklin Mortgage in a blowout.
(3) Drinker’s vs (14) Dirty Frank’s
Quags: Dirty Frank’s is a super fun dive bar that sells a bunch of beer ponies. “What is that?” you wonder, because you are not someone who frequents a place called “Dirty Frank’s”. First of all, you lame, second of all:
Pretty good!
Meanwhile, Drinker’s does a bunch of business selling 40s. Two sides of the spectrum, if you will. Sort of a study in consumerism, you know?? We here at TGYN are, like, super deep.
Anyway, while Dirty Frank’s is a fun place, Drinker’s is a staple. Sure, it gets overly crowded at times, but its location and the amount of space it has puts it over.
(4) Good Dog vs (13) Oscar’s
Quags: This one is going to hurt, because neither one of these bars deserves to go out in the first round! Good Dog has a prime location and its walls are full of pictures of actual good dogs which I believe are submitted by patrons.
And then we’ve got Oscar’s. Another Philly classic! It’s cash only, not ideal, but it’s also just about the perfect dive bar. The drinks are cheap and the pours are generous. As solid as Good Dog is, I can’t imagine not being able to go to Oscar’s.
(5) Charlie Was a Sinner vs (12) Smith’s
John: Another brutal matchup for me — I like both places for different reasons. I would go to both in the same night too possibly. Charlie Was a Sinner has become one of my go-to “starter” spots. I’ll stop in for a great gin-based cocktail after dinner/ the first bar of the night. It’s not crowded, it’s quiet (you can conversate), and the drinks are really really good.
I sound stuck up so let’s fast-forward to 1 AM. I’m at Smith’s (after skipping the line with Mark John because he loves the bouncer). I have a Coors light in my hand and I’m people watching the F*** out of the dance floor, which if you’re into dancing, apparently Smith’s is one of the better locations for “good music.” As a Drexel Alumnus. I’ll break it down like this: Once you graduate from Cav’s, it’s Smith’s. After Smith’s — you’re a grown man/woman and are released into the world. Sorry Charlie, I love you…. but Smith’s.
(6) Fieldhouse vs (11) Black Sheep
John: Ready for a selfish plug? GO SEE NINTH AT NINE ON APRIL 15th AT THE FIELDHOUSE! Ok, phew. This is a cool match-up.
Fieldhouse can be awesome — like I said before I’ve been there during live music nights (playing) and to watch a Mayweather fight and you cannot move in the place. I’ve also been there after work for a happy hour and there are barely 30 people there. STILL the staff is always very friendly and the difference in people doesn’t necessarily equate to a longer wait or fighting at the bar. They get it.
Black Sheep is awesome because it’s almost hidden enough where you feel like it’s a “get-away” from the city crowd, but it’s location is easy to get to from most CC restaurants. They also have great bar food. Because of the flexibility of Fieldhouse however, they take the cake.
(7) Misconduct vs (10) Harp and Crown
John: Misconduct 2: Bigger and Not Better. I’m going to assume this is Misconduct, the first phase! Harp and Crown is easily working its way into my rotation of monthly drinking habits. It has a great atmosphere. Speakeasy x Bowling Alley. Totally s****
on Lucky Strike — it’s ~$100 for an hour for the lane…but you’re allowed 8 people. Math — it’s not too crazy. Also their drinks are excellent and the staff is extremely friendly.
But I don’t write for a fancy magazine so I can be blunt, right? Misconduct Pt 1. used to be the place I would go to when Fado’s line was crazy, and you know what…I would stay at Misconduct because the place was probably better. It’s an awesome spot, but even with the rotation the shape of the main bar is unfortunate. Takes 2 hours to get through the crowd to take a pee. Still like the bar a lot, but my bladder is going with the new kid on the block: Harp and Crown.
(8) Ashton Cigar Bar vs (9) Bru/U-Bahn
John: BrUtal. Now that I got that out of the way…I actually like Bru a lot. Yes it’s crowded, yes the bouncers are pretty rude and yes Big Joe TAF had a twitter beef with them once…but I like the idea of a German Beer Hall (type thing) in a city.
Ashton is a great bar as well… but here is the thing. It’s semi-fancy and I would love to wear my Sunday’s best there to impress, ya know? BUT whatever I wear (see: enormous coat collection) I have to take to the dry cleaners the next day because of the smokey smell. Not the bar’s fault at all obviously — just an observation and a personal preference. So…let’s make this vote based on me doing laundry the next morning. Sweat and beer stains from Bru vs. Smoke from Ashton. Going to have to go with Bru this time, but let’s see how far they make it. WAIT UNTIL JOE TAF HAS HIS REVENGE VOTE!
The Hipster Region
(South Philly, NoLibs, Fishtown)
(1) Frankford Hall vs (16) Jet Wine Bar
Quags: Most people probably have not been to Jet. It’s on South Street between 15th and 16th, serves mostly wine, and is usually playing Netflix, on mute, with captions. It’s probably the most similar to being at home you can be without being at home, which makes it one of my favorite places to hang out.
But Frankford Hall is an institution. Even as beer gardens become more and more popular in the city, it stands out. Plus, they serve these.
(2) Garage vs (15) Fishtown Tavern
Quags: We didn’t specify which Garage this was, but for the sake of making this a neighborhood match-up as well, let’s say this is the one in South Philly.
Garage is a fine enough bar with lots of room, plus you can bring cheesesteaks from one of the nearby establishments, or I guess any establishment, into the bar. That’s pretty good.
Fishtown Tavern is sort of towny, but still definitely a good time. I respect Fishtown Tavern because of one particular experience I had there. A few years back there were about 30 of us riding around in a party bus for someone’s birthday, and we decided to stop there. They stared us down as we entered, and they made it very clear that they didn’t really want us there. I respect that. Fishtown Tavern is not the kind of place a party bus should stop for, and it’s not the place that wants business from 30 people on a party bus. And so, we left.
So, I respect it. But Garage moves on.
(3) Johnny Brenda’s vs (14) Murph’s
Quags: As most of you know, I love Domino’s. Once, while at Murph’s, we ordered Domino’s delivery to the bar. So, that was one of the best times of my life.
Now I like Johnny Brenda’s. It’s a fine bar, it’s huge, it’s great for intimate hangs and group events, and it’s a killer place to see a show. But Murph’s has the magic! It just does. And once, I got to eat Domino’s there.
(4) Barcade vs (13) The 700
Quags: Barcade is one of the places I enjoy the most in Philadelphia. Good beers, lots of room, and all those classic arcade games. Barcade is a “Birthday Bar”, somewhere you go to celebrate with a bunch of people.
The 700, if you haven’t been, is a bar downstairs and upstairs a club-like area that’s set up like a house. In the kitchen you can buy drinks, in the living room you can dance, and the DJ is situated firmly in the bathtub. Seriously, this place is a ball of fun. However, it’s also always really hot, and you have to be in a pretty set state of mind to be there. Meanwhile, I’m almost always in the mood to play some NBA Jam. Barcade prevails.
(5) Standard Tap vs (12) El Bar
Quags: I know Standard Tap is a solid bar with a bunch of choices in beer and the like, but I have to go with El Bar here. The main reason is that they have that huge outdoor yard that makes it seem like you’re at some kind of twisted high school graduation party, complete with picnic tables and this cat that is always hanging out in the same spot in one of the trees back there. Is the cat fake? I don’t know. Either way El Bar wins
(6) The Pub on Passyunk East vs (11) Jerry’s Bar
John: Pub on Passyunk East (aka Pope) wins because it is basically the Capitol of this entire vibe/reason/way of life. There’s not use arguing for Jerry’s here although Jerry’s is not a bad stop if you’re in NoLibs for a beer!
(7) Bob and Barbara’s vs (10) Bourbon and Branch
Quags: There isn’t much for me to say here. Bob and Barbara’s invented the aforementioned City-Wide Special, known there as simply “The Special”, and we must pay them respects for that. They have live music and all kinds of performances there on a regular basis. If someone visits me and wants to go to the most Philly place I can think of, I take them here.
Bourbon and Branch is a victim of the fact that a legend got a low seed. Bob and Barbara’s moves on with strength.
(8) Boot and Saddle vs (9) The Dolphin
John: The Battle you’ve all been waiting for. Most of you probably confuse these two places from the look of them on the outside…but they are different I swear!
To keep it short: Boot & Saddle = live bands, Dolphin = DJs. I’m biased… I’m going to see Steady Hands at Boot and Saddle. TGYN Plug #2!
The Historic Region
(Old City, Society Hill)
(1) Buffalo Billiards vs (16) JJ Bootleggers
Quags: Another “Birthday Bar”, Buffalo Billiards offers patrons a wide-range of activities and games to play without making you feel like you have to engage with them. Old City can be a weird place to go out, but Buffalo Billiards holds strong as a solid choice.
I have to be honest, I don’t know too much about JJ Bootleggers except for the fact that they apparently serve moonshine as a specialty. See? I told you Old City can be weird. That all sounds fine, but Buffalo Billiards wins here.
(2) Morgan’s Pier vs (15) Rotten Ralph’s
John: Piers Morgan, is a British journalist and television personality currently working as the US editor-at-large for Mail Online[2] and as a presenter on British breakfast show Good Morning Britain.[3] Nothing to do with anything except for I’m 5 years old and when my friends call the bar Piers Morgan, I still laugh. It’s great. F*** you. Ok so crowded bars are a little more bearable when they are outside in the summer. Right?
Can’t hold that against them. I can hold the way they handle their line situation though against them! They have a line around the corner, but when you get in there is plenty of room! I don’t know about their Egress plans but by the looks of it, it’s not the reason they hold every outside for so long. But even with a shitty-line strategy, they still beat Rotten Ralph’s.
Rotten Ralph’s is a decent divey type bar — but there are a ton of better options if I’m feeling in that dive-bar mood. Piers Morgan.
(3) Independence Beer Garden vs (14) Sto’s Bar
John: IBG is a cool spot. Yeah it’s cliche — it’s Instagram’d more times than Mark John’s BMW. BUT you can’t take away its cool-ness. It came up as one of the main outdoor spots around the same time as the others (Piers, Spruce Street, Bok, etc.)…but it’s one of the only ones in its area. It has a west coast vibe with the hanging lights and mason jars — which it seems everyone else has adopted.
But I’m not going to hate on their style looking like every millennial wedding I’ve been to in the past 3 years. I’m going to give them credit, and assume every bride has been to IBG and was like…“damn! I wish my wedding would look like this”. If IBG starts sending Chinese lanterns to the sky though, I’m going to take back this vote.. but they win for now.
(4) Spruce Street Harbor Park vs (13) Mac’s Tavern
Quags: Mac’s Tavern, if you were unaware, is partially owned by the actors from It’s Always Sunny. Apparently, it’s a pretty good place, and not at all actually like the Paddy’s Pub from the show. It is, by all measures, a good, classic, normal bar.
Spruce Street Harbor Park is a game changer. Arriving on the scene a few weeks ago, it’s a seasonal beer garden right on the river with beautiful views, and hammocks, and Federal Donuts Chicken Sandwiches. It’s a place for friends and families alike. It should almost certainly make some noise in this tournament, and it heads in to the second round.
(5) Khyber Pass Pub vs (12) Paddy Whack’s
John: I like Khyber more than I should. I am a sucker for comfort food. I love their beer choices. Only knock is the wait sometimes, but it’s understandable. Paddy Whack’s is a nice space for sure. I’m not crazy about going out on south street — but this bar is not a bad choice! Bacon Greased Popcorn ftw tho…Kyhber!
(6) The Plough & the Stars vs (11) Eulogy
John: Speaking of bars with weird shapes…ever been to the upstairs of Plough? Plough is brutal to get a drink at the bar… thank god for the beer tub girl by the door. It’s also a great introductory bar to Old City for the #collegekids.
When I think of Eulogy I think of beer. And since every other bar on this list has beer…that’s not enough to separate them for a win. So let’s forget about fire codes for a second and go with THE PLOUGH.
(7) National Mechanics vs (10) 2nd Story Brewing
Quags: National Mechanics is one of the most Old City-est Old City places that ever Old City’ed Old City. It’s fun, there’s dancing, it’s crowded, the drinks cost too much, it’s hard to get a drink to begin with, but in the end it’s usually a good time. Except for one, terrible, awful, no good, very bad thing. It has TWO BATHROOMS. IN THE WHOLE PLACE! FOR HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE! YOU WAIT IN LINE FOR LIKE, 20 MINUTES!!!!!!!
I like 2nd Story but it wouldn’t matter if I didn’t like it. National Mechanics needs more bathrooms.
John: *Add on… I second Quags’ vote because national mechanics double charged me and it took 4 months to get my money back. Sorry not sorry.
(8) City Tavern vs (9) Olde Bar
Quags: Ok, full disclosure, I didn’t pick all of these bars and I didn’t know that City Tavern was the old-timey place where people dress and act like they did back in the days of the Founding Fathers. I’m not sure why John picked it, but I am sure it’s not moving on.
What’s more, Olde Bar has one of the best buck-a-shuck happy hours in the city, and it’s super nice but still comfortable and affordable. Shouts to Olde Bar.
That’s it for round one! Check back Friday and we’ll have worked this down to a Sweet 16.
