Dark Horse candidate emerges in 43rd District Race

*Satire ahead!*

Mr. (or Mrs.) Handy Roof-and-Shingle have taken the district by storm. During a drive through the neighborhood this Wednesday, our reporters found that Roof-and-Shingle outperformed all other leading candidates by a margin of 4 to 1.

Signs have been going up all over Bay Ridge, Bensonhurst, Dyker Heights and Bath Beach this past week indicating a surge in popularity for Mr. Handy Roof-and-Shingle. Mr. Roof-and-Shingle is an unexpected entry into the 43rd district race, having seemingly missed all previous filing deadlines as well as failing to achieve matching funds from the city.

While it is unclear what Party line Mr. Roof-and-Shingle is running under, it is clear that both the Reform and Conservative party lines are backing notoriously weak candidates, and may be looking for a change. Local political insiders consider Mr. Roof-and-Shingle’s eventual endorsement by these groups a foregone conclusion. While Roof-and-Shingle’s campaign office has so far only released a single public statement via. phone, “What?”, the statement reflects the limitless opportunities facing the nascent campaign.

For the Reform party, Mr. Roof-and-Shingle’s is neck and neck with the (for now) endorsed candidate Bob Capano. While it is true that Roof-and-Shingle has no public list of issues or concerns, neither does Capano. An additional factor is that Roof-and-Shingle has been a known quantity in the neighborhood for years, as opposed to Capano’s day-to-day experience largely falling within a supermarket on Roosevelt Island. When asked if Roof-and-Shingles lack of voter awareness was a barrier to endorsement, a representative from the Reform party speaking on condition of anonymity explained that their policy is to “only endorse candidates that can’t be bothered to list themselves” on nonpartisan voter information guides. This endorsement is Roof-and-Shingle’s to lose.

404 Capano Not Found

Additionally, former Conservative party activist LIAM MCCABE cannot seem to match Mr. Roof-and-Shingles claims of being “A Bay Ridge Institution for over 25 Years”. While MCCABE is considered an institution by some residents, it is largely due to a backlog of scandals which have damaged his reputation. Others know him for his involvement as an equally scandal-plagued political consultant, before landing a position with the forgiving Staten Island Congressman Dan Donovan.

Additionally, MCCABE’s disrespect for contractors, worker safety, and due process seems to be no match for Mr. Roof-and-Shingle’s record of home beautification and improvement. For example, the Conservative party did not drop MCCABE from the ticket after publicly live-streaming a trespass into an active, permitted work-site, harassing workers without contacting a General Contractor, race baiting, and otherwise failing to effect meaningful change using the laws and regulations he’d be in charge of managing as City Councilor. The lack of repercussions for his vigilantism was likely due to MCCABE being the only Conservative Party member in the field. With the emergence of a new alternative in Mr. Roof-and-Shingle, whose positive message may resonate with voters sick of divisiveness and showboating, the Conservative party line might now be in play.

The last time a dark horse candidate shook up the City Council race in Bay Ridge was in 2013, when a racially insensitive lawn jockey gained 35% of the vote during the general election. In any event, the emergence of Mr. Roof-and-Shingle is sure to shake up an already exciting primary season in the 43rd District. If lawn signs are anything to go by, it might be an upset that few were expecting.