The Art of Unbecoming
What do you tell yourself about your past?
Life is made up of people who wait (myself, included).
We remain inactive, in one place, expecting something to happen. And then, when nothing does — wonder why we have regret six months later or aren’t where we thought we’d be at a certain point in our lives.
This week, a lot of intense feelings came up and I’ve done my best to work through the emotional spectrum of misery, joy, excitement, and our good friend fear. I chose to STFU & Do the Work, instead of nothing at all.
I learned a few things.
- It’s important to tell your story because if you don’t, others will make a blind assumption about it. While clarification may be uncomfortable, it’s necessary. And in the end, all parties benefit, no matter how awkward—yourself, included.
- How to cope when you miss someone (and even still, this is a work in progress). Outlets for self-expression, time for self-care, and deliberate self-reflection helped and continues to move me forward, towards my own personal goal crushing.
- To build what matters in this world takes stamina and the ability to pursue things with all you’ve got: time, energy, and talent. To feel self-doubt and insecurity is normal. It means you’re human and you care. These feelings are temporary — and reasons to keep on going.
- Listen to The Universe by Gregory Alan Isakov several times on repeat, if you ever need a solid, cathartic, cry. Because yes, that song is beautiful as hell and it will make you cry. I’ve included a link to Gregory’s website and lyrics, above. You’re welcome.
I learned a lot about myself this week, by showing up consistently, with grace and faith — and hope. I learned by doing the work.
And for today, let’s call this work The Art of Unbecoming. It’s learning more about who you are, but also — who you are not.
There’s always more to uncover about ourselves and I think that’s what makes life, life, after all. The thing is, doing this work, takes work.
And it’s not always easy.
It can be frightening to learn new things about yourself — uncomfortable and often times, solitary. But I promise if you do this work, you won’t look back.
Last week, I spoke with three incredible women — they were waiting. Yes, all of them. They were waiting for the next great career move to reveal itself, the perfect moment to say I love you (yet secretly hoping he’d say it first), and the proper month to launch a new business.
And in a way, we’re all waiting — for permission to change.
But where does our hesitation come from? Our self-doubt? What’s the shit that gets in the way of us believing in our own magic abilities to pursue something successfully, with ease, all while being awesome?
If you’ve ever felt the below get in the way of you, you’re not alone:
Gender
Age
Ethnicity
Time
Income
Economic class
Expectations
Comparison
Parents
Mental health
Sexual orientation
Physical features
The American rock band Lit was on to something when they wrote, My Own Worst Enemy. Why? Because it’s the damn truth. We talk a lot about the power of mindset on this blog, and honestly — you are what you believe.
We didn’t arrive at this place of fear on our own, though. We were shaped, by a lot of things — our parents (their parents), childhood experiences, and everything in between.
And if you asked me where I thought I’d be at 30, this definitely would not be it. 18-year-old Michelle thought she’d be hitched to her Prince Charming and shacked up in Suburbia by the time she was 28.
Anyone else?
Present-day Michelle desires a partner she can learn from, grow with, and together, build a life, business, and home that encourages more Love and empathy in the world.
Location: undecided.
Prince Charming: optional.
The thing is, your preferences are allowed to change and my story is only one example. This way of being can apply to your life’s work, how you feel about cilantro, or what you wear to the wedding next month.
We evolve as we move through life.
And our evolution includes desires, motivations, and dreams. So, whenever you’re stuck in a rut of WTF? or what to do next—take a moment and ask yourself what’s got you so hung up about it.
Desires, motivations, and dreams, shift — allow them to.
So, what does any of this have to do with the Art of Unbecoming? It’s the act of revisiting the stories we tell ourselves. Our narrative.
It’s the act of taking whatever we learned prior and were conditioned to — and questioning it — simply being curious.
Explore the Why and re-evaluate if your beliefs still fit your current life story.
They might, they might not. The point is: at least you asked.
Take some time to figure out what small step you can take today towards what you desire. Then, act on it. That’s change.
A change that can lead to a shift in mindset or better yet, a wake-up call to live your best life. And once you choose to change — be willing to live without knowing.
This work involves risk, being in discomfort, and questioning our own belief systems — the ones we grew up with. It’s the kind of work that doesn’t ever stop.
However, if we choose to do the work we have the chance to recondition our foundation. To reframe how we act and show up in the world — and not by anyone else’s standards, either.
We can live life by our own set of rules.
If there’s anything else I learned this week it’s:
1. Don’t wait for permission to change.
2. Transform traditions that no longer serve you.
3. Create your own conditions.
And if you were looking for a sign — well, this might just be it.
Thanks for reading this week. I’m glad you’re here.
X — MO
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This post features an image by Aziz Acharki. He’s a photographer living in Morocco. Check him out on Instagram and contact him here.
Michelle Ortega is a creative writer, educator, and life coach living in Los Angeles, CA. She believes in Love and all things unconventional.
