How to Create a Prodigy Burnout
A Simple Guide with Commentary
Most parents think their children are smart, at least until their children prove otherwise. This is a near universal behavior of humanity, and with the advent of modern social media, only becomes more universal with each passing year. Even among these children, however, are ones that stand out — geniuses, prodigies, children with the potential to grow into the people who change the world. Prodigies have been responsible for much of what defines our world today, from art to technology, from science to philosophy, creating things their parents may never have dreamt of.
Let’s be honest: who would want something like that? Prodigies can be difficult to raise, and difficult to keep control over. They require additional time and effort, pulling focus away from the things that interest you, and are quite often more expensive to care for than normal children. Even worse, prodigies may grow up to eclipse their parents, ungratefully overshadowing their achievements. Perhaps worst of all, prodigies are the most likely to actually grow up and become adults, causing their parents to feel old.
The purpose of this article is to outline a number of techniques and concepts that can be employed by parents to direct their prodigy on the path to becoming a burnout. Despite the opinions of “experts” — many of whom do not have children, and may very well simply be attempting to sell books — being a burnout is not a negative trait from the perspective of a parent. Being the parent of a prodigy burnout can provide the majority of the important components of being a parent: early accomplishments to be proud of, a source of vicarious enjoyment, and even a washed-out adult who never grows up enough to stop being the child, thus extending the feeling of youth for their parents. Each of the following sections provides helpful information such as common phrases, practical application, and a discussion of the reason why each is effective in creating a burnout. Naturally, these should be viewed as suggestions, as attempting to tell any parent how to raise a child is arrogant; the parent-senses that are magically grafted in upon conception are always superior to anything presented by so-called “experts.”
Because I’m The Parent
Something of a catch-all for a general idea, this principle encompasses the “Because I Said So” school of explanation. You prodigy is likely to be the sort of aggravating child that questions your wisdom as the parent, and may very well be so ungracious as to ask questions you do not have immediate answers for. Rather than wasting your time and effort on delivering an explanation which will only encourage your prodigy, it is generally more effective to employ this method, followed by punishment of some form if the prodigy refuses to accept your wisdom. The last thing you want when creating a burnout is to encourage any tendencies in your prodigy to believe that reasonable answers can be expected from asking questions, or that challenges to the status quo are acceptable.
Bullies
While usually an extension of You’re So Weird below, the specific techniques involved in addressing your prodigy being bullied deserve an entry of their own. It is quite likely that your prodigy will be bullied by other children; this is in fact a situation that can be turned to your advantage. Under no circumstances should you attempt to equip your prodigy with tools to deal with bullies in a healthy manner, as doing so will only encourage your prodigy. Instead, it is generally quite effective to employ either the Man route or the Sympathy route, or in some cases, a mixture of both.
The Man route is the classic “Man Up and Fight Back” response, in which the prodigy is told to stand up to bullies. Quite often, a prodigy will be more emotionally sensitive than other children, so this route can be quite an attractive option. Should you as the parent elect to take this route, be certain to emphasize that your prodigy must stand up for themselves, while also implying that being afraid, backing down, or getting beat up is a failure. Under no circumstances should you attempt to school your prodigy in self-defense of any sort — remember, actually winning fights risks causing your prodigy to become a bully themselves, which is not as desirable of an outcome, or develop self-confidence, which is worse. In contrast, the Sympathy route teaches the prodigy that the bully only acts as they do because the bully is afraid, or is having difficulty at home, or something similar. Properly applied, the Sympathy route can cause your prodigy to say things to the bully that only cause the bullying to become worse, damaging your prodigy’s confidence in social interaction.
For parents who wish to take a more direct hand in guiding the bully factor, the most effective means by which to do so is often by confronting the bully’s parents, or even the administration at your prodigy’s school. Be certain in these situations to overreact — threats of lawsuits, questioning the intelligence and integrity of the other party, and other excessive responses are all useful. In the case of parents, the goal is to cause the bully’s parents to punish the bully, thus causing the bully to escalate their behavior towards your prodigy, who will be seen as a “snitch.” In the case of school authorities, the goal is to convince them that your prodigy comes from a dysfunctional household — mildly embarrassing to a parent, certainly, but extremely effective in ensuring that your prodigy gets singled out for special treatment by the school. Such special treatment, regardless of what form it takes, will in most cases further isolate your prodigy from the influence of their peers.
Choose Your Schools Wisely
It’s become an unfortunate truth in modern times that some misguided educators believe in challenging and encouraging prodigies, rather than employ the time-honored techniques of rote memorization and regimentation which assist in fostering burnouts. This problem has progressed to the point that there are even schools which specialize in encouraging prodigies! Obviously, when creating a burnout, you want to avoid these schools at all costs. Ideally, you will want to send your prodigy to an underfunded and over-regulated school, where a combination of inadequate education, poor support, and overworked, harassed teachers will assist your efforts. If at all possible, choose a school with a habit of presenting their students awards for such things as attendance, personal appearance, and other accomplishments that have more to do with the parent than the child; a prodigy often will recognize empty awards for what they are, but be unable to formulate any sort of context, resulting in a general devaluing of praise for their efforts.
If you have no choice but to send your prodigy to a school which includes some form of misguided attempt at encouraging prodigies, endeavor to send them to a school where the program is relatively new. The combination of overenthusiastic misapplication, lack of practical understanding, and stubborn adherence to the old ways which is extremely common in such schools should suffice to mitigate any impact the program will have on your efforts to create your burnout. If absolutely necessary, you may be required to feign an active interest in organizations such as the PTA, in which case you will find it beneficial to occasionally suggest new systems of teaching developed by important-sounding people, so long as they contradict the systems in use. The administrative chaos caused by constant changing of educational paradigms can be very helpful.
Do As I Say, Not As I Do
In all honesty, this principle is so ubiquitous to the modern world that it barely merits a mention, but for the sake of completeness, it should be liberally applied. Always remember to punish your prodigy should he or she have the temerity to question your parenting methods.
“If You’re So Smart, Why Don’t You Understand This?”
Several schools of thought involving the development of gifted children are predicated on the idea that prodigies do not develop at equal speeds in all facets of intellect and psychology. As the parent of a future burnout, you can easily capitalize on this phenomenon by setting the standards by which your prodigy is judged based on their highest point, then criticizing them for not living up to that point in all ways. Remember, many of the lessons we learn as children are the so-called “unwritten rules” which we absorb without ever being told directly. Simply assume that your prodigy already knows everything they would need to be taught about social interaction, propriety, and other such areas. So long as you also inhibit their opportunities to learn these unwritten rules and sufficiently denigrate their comprehension when they violate those rules, you will achieve the desired effect.
The same can be done with more concrete subjects, in many cases much more easily. If your prodigy has figured out one aspect of a situation or skill, assume they understand all of it, and employ this principle when their understanding doesn’t cover everything. Your prodigy will quite likely develop an anxiety-based compulsion to never admit to ignorance, often resulting in failures which your burnout will attribute to their own lack of intelligence. This compulsion can be encouraged by criticising your prodigy’s performance in subjects which have nothing to do with their best subjects.
Live Vicariously
Do you have a skill set that you were never able to master? Is there a talent you wish that you possess but have no aptitude for? Alternately, is there something you can do well and are interested in, which you feel your family must likewise be interested in? If any of these are true, your prodigy is an excellent canvas upon which to paint your desires. Children are a blank slate, very impressionable, and for much of their early life, lack the capacity to voice objections or even understand that objection is possible. Prodigies combine these helpful traits with a much higher chance of actually being talented at whatever path they are pushed down… or at least being smart enough to appear talented. Forcing your prodigy to invest their early lives in things they do not care about will also bear fruit later, as it’s quite common for the experience of being the subject of vicarious living to cause a burnout to lack the capacity to appreciate the skills they’ve developed, thus eliminating pride from the equation. Choosing a path which you are good at can have the additional benefit of causing your burnout to feel as if they could never surpass you, helping to cement their status as the child even as an adult.
As it is often the case, since whatever path you choose for your prodigy to follow may take up significant time, it’s recommended that parents aim for efficiency. To that end, most forms of performance skills such as music, singing, dance, and similar combine the principles described with the potential for significant public humiliation, with the added benefit that carpools and such can often be arranged, thereby absolving you of any responsibility or effort.
Location, Location, Location
This principle can be very tricky. While I would not go so far as to suggest that you as the parent of a prodigy should subject yourself to the inconvenience of moving on account of your prodigy, it is the case that the location in which a prodigy is raised can contribute significantly to their burnout. If at all possible, one of two situations should be present when creating a burnout.
If you are raising a prodigy in an urban or suburban setting, endeavor to be located either where any surrounding children are significantly older than your prodigy, or are not prodigies themselves. Ensuring that the neighboring children are five or more years older will often provide additional feelings of being an outcast, as will children of the same age, but who are not themselves prodigies, as described under You’re So Weird below. Raising a prodigy in a neighborhood consisting of older families whose children have moved out is not recommended, as parents who are missing their own children can often encourage a prodigy and undo your efforts.
Should you be raising a prodigy in a sufficiently rural setting, your job is easier. The relative isolation of rural or near-rural settings can help prevent a prodigy from developing a sense of community. As the parent, you need only refuse to take your prodigy anywhere, or allow their school friends to visit. Make the distance work for you!
Mythology of the Genius
It’s often true that mistakes can be exploited by those wise enough to see them. While you as the parent of a burnout-to-be would never make mistakes, it’s also true that you can exploit the mistakes of others who were not so wise. In this case, you can exploit the Mythology of the Genius that already exists in modern culture, created in part by parents who did not properly cause their prodigies to become burnouts. A full explanation of the Mythology of the Genius is beyond the scope of this article, but the salient points are that geniuses never fail, and that geniuses accomplish their grand achievements with no assistance whatsoever. All you need do as a parent is provide your prodigy with one or more example geniuses and entirely avoid or downplay any suggestion that said examples ever struggled or needed help — present them as perfect beings whose achievements simply appeared with no effort required. The end result of this technique is that your prodigy will in many cases become discouraged by setbacks, and ideally will view failure or asking for help as an indication that they aren’t as good as the examples you provide. In time, your prodigy will most likely believe that any endeavor they undertake will fail, and will be resistant to asking for assistance. At the burnout stage, they will develop a form of passiveness based on the fear of failure, and thus have significant difficulty beginning any sort of effort beyond the basic necessities of survival; even those basic necessities can be made a tribulation, if you as the parent desire to have your burnout still living in your home.
Punishment
Prodigies can be difficult to discipline. Many will be troublemakers, and many can be resistant to your authority as a parent. The purpose of this principle is not to tell you the parent how to punish your child — as the parent you, of course, know best — but is instead a few suggestions for ways those punishments can be best applied to creating a burnout. First, ensure that the punishment fits the crime as little as possible; prodigies are often better than most children at making associations, which is not what you want to occur; the more mysterious and inexplicable the punishment, the better. Second, while warning your prodigy that a punishment will occur is fine, do not ever actually explain why the punishment you enact was selected. Third, do not hesitate to occasionally punish the prodigy for things they may or may not have done. These principles in conjunction with most traditional approaches to child discipline will contribute a great deal to your burnout experiencing crippling anxiety due to the fear of being randomly punished by the world in general. This is the desired result.
Under no circumstances should you attempt to reason with your prodigy, it only encourages them. However, if no other option exists, careful application of You’re Too Young To Understand and Because I’m The Parent along with reiteration of the warnings of punishment should allow you to avoid any unwanted results from being forced into this situation. Should you as the parent be forced by a spouse who isn’t on board with your plan, a teacher, or any other inconvenient meddler, to actually sit down and talk with your future burnout, it’s generally better to argue with the meddler and more or less ignore your prodigy. A particularly effective form of preventative action is to ensure your prodigy associates being sat down and talked to by an authority figure with being lectured, not with any form of actual rational discussion. You do not want your prodigy to think problems can be talked through.
One specific punishment technique has had significant success: the Okay, Bad, Terrible system. Under the OBT system, the child is presented with only three options for behavior, results of effort, etc. The Okay option is a success, but only a mediocre one, and generally involves no reward. The Bad option is a failure, and carries standard punishments. The Terrible option is a likewise terrible failure, and carries punishment beyond merely Bad. The OBT system teaches your prodigy that they are capable of being Bad, Terrible, or only tolerable, and nothing else. It also teaches that there isn’t likely to be a reward for success, and that failure is far more likely, with a chance of severe punishment. Many experts in the OBT system suggest sending the child to school with behavioral slips for their teacher to fill out each day which the child must bring home or be punished; behavioral slips generally have a phrase to the effect of “(Child) has been _____ today” with three check boxes labeled Good, Bad, and Very Bad. While “Good” is generally more positive than mediocre, it is still suitably bland, and generally sufficient to placate any teachers who may oppose the OBT system for whatever misguided reasons.
The Pedestal of Expectations
Most people in modern society are familiar with the idea of someone or something being put on a pedestal. This principle makes use of that idea, but emphasizes a specific element: the size of the platform on top of the pedestal. Metaphorically, the parent of a burnout-to-be needs to make the platform as small as possible. In more concrete terms, the parent needs to ensure that any failure or shortcoming on the part of the prodigy is minutely inspected and criticized. While this may seem like a great deal of work, in practice you need only crush your prodigy’s confidence in their accomplishments a few times before your prodigy will begin to do the criticizing for you. Once this pattern starts, you need only reinforce it with the occasional comment or disappointed reaction.
The height of the pedestal itself is also important — it should be high enough that, metaphorically, falling from the pedestal will hurt. Much of this can be accomplished by sufficient criticism when the prodigy fails at anything, especially if as the parent you employ humiliation as part of some kind of object lesson. Much as with the size of the platform, the parent need only expend the effort for long enough for the behavior to become ingrained in the prodigy.
Finally, the pedestal itself must be seen to be inescapably unfair. This is most easily accomplished by having a consistent pattern of unrealistic expectations of your prodigy, and by recasting even the failures which were beyond your prodigy’s control to be his or her fault. While the phrase, “If you were really any good, you could have handled that” conveys the principles at work here, it does bear mentioning that such an overt method may not be as effective as more subtle approaches. As with many of these techniques, including humiliation makes the effects all the more pronounced, and so, failures which occur in a public arena such as any form of performance skill are generally more effective than ones that are more private.
Toys
Experts are divided on the role of toys in creating a burnout, but a basic consensus does exist. First, a prodigy should never be given a full set of toys — something should always be missing, so that the prodigy is never satisfied. Remember, your burnout should not feel entitled — that’s a different social maladjustment entirely, and besides, only you as the parent are entitled. Second, the prodigy should always be made to feel as if asking for toys is bad; “We don’t have the money” is often doubly effective for this purpose as a prodigy will often be observant enough to notice when they are denied a toy just before a parent buys “toys” for themselves. Thirdly, toys are often an effective place to apply Why Do You Care About That, described below.
One area of particular contention on the subject of toys is whether a prodigy should be restricted to traditionally gender-appropriate toys or not. One school of thought posits that most gender specific toys assist in creating an unrealistic gender identity, while the opposing school suggests that not restricting a prodigy by gender inhibits development of any kind of coherent gender identity. Since both situations can be utilized in creating a burnout, I would suggest going with the option that you as the parent of the prodigy are most comfortable with. After all, what does a child know?
Why Do You Care About That?
The companion technique to Live Vicariously above, it’s important when shaping a prodigy into a burnout to dismiss, demean, and ignore the things that your prodigy is actually interested in whenever possible. This technique is absolutely critical at the stages in a child’s development where their parents are the most important people in their life; properly applied derision can very quickly instill the idea that what your prodigy cares about is a pointless waste of time, which invariably carries through to the burnout stage. It cannot be stressed enough, however, that outright insult is a poor application of this principle, primarily on account of the tendency towards rebelliousness that occurs in adolescence. Directly deriding your prodigy’s interests at that stage, or indeed beyond early childhood, runs significant risk of your prodigy developing the ability to care about their own desires as a way of rebelling against you as a parent. It’s far better in this case to be more subtle in your derision and, whenever possible, cause embarrassment for your prodigy. For an excellent example of the more subtle applications of this technique, I would suggest referring to various “negging” guides available on the internet, which describe the same principle applied to romantic interactions.
(It bears mentioning as a side note that one of the easier options for this principle has become largely useless: video games. As mainstream society’s perception of gamers has shifted away from the view that gamers are socially maladjusted outcasts with no lives, it’s become more difficult to control whether or not a prodigy encounters popular approval of video gaming, which counteracts the effects of this technique. Some stigma yet remains, largely with the assistance of the antics of the minority of gamers who are actually socially maladjusted, but ultimately society has only itself to blame for the loss of this specific option in creating a burnout.)
You Can Do Anything You Want.
Contrary to popular belief, this is not universally a positive motivator. The trick in applying this principle is to assure your prodigy that they can do anything they want, but provide no concrete direction in which to focus their attention. The idea in this case is to convince your prodigy that they can indeed be anything they like, but have “anything” include nothing of interest to your prodigy. While this may seem difficult, in practice this principle is easy to apply so long as the principles of Live Vicariously and Why Do You Care About That are being observed, in that the former assists in populating “anything” with only what the parent considers important, while the latter eliminates anything the prodigy cares about. The Mythology of the Genius can be employed to fold in entirely unrealistic options as well.
You’re Not Old Enough To Understand.
While in many respects, this principle is an extension of Because I’m The Parent, it does have the added effect of denigrating your prodigy’s intelligence. Your prodigy may not directly recognize it as such, but the combination of denigration and the subtle dismissal of their feelings can have a significant impact when considered cumulatively. It also doubles as an effective way to avoid explaining things that you might not be comfortable talking about.
You’re So Weird.
One of several optional tactics, primarily because in most situations, the children your prodigy will interact with at school will provide this element for you. Being thought of as weird can often have the effect of causing a prodigy to feel outcast and/or like a freak — this technique is particularly effective at the stages in a child’s development where being a part of a group is important for their development. Parents can reinforce the effects of being thought of as weird by being certain to never give their prodigy any sufficient reasons to celebrate their differences. It’s important to remember that while it can be effective in some cases, parents directly calling their children weird can have the opposite of the intended effect, due to the tendency of some children to view any input from their parents as positive.
If the preceding suggestions seem challenging or difficult, don’t worry! Generations of parents with prodigies have succeeded in creating burnouts without even trying. You may even be one yourself, looking to pass on the family tradition, in which case you may very well have a distinct advantage. Always remember that in the pursuit of creating a burnout, it’s always about you, the parent.
(In my next piece in this series, I’ll examine the most effective ways of correcting a child that stubbornly and aggravatingly persists in writing with their left hand.)
