QB Postgame Fashion: The Good, The Bad, And The Ron Burgundy
Jay Cutler is just having fun with us at this point.
Football players are never expected to meet the unusual fashion sensibilities of their needle-moving NBA counterparts, but from time to time they do sport groundbreaking getups of their own.
Per usual, Tom Brady is entrenched atop Mount Fashion, haughtily laughing at his counterparts. This particular week, though, belonged to Jay Cutler, a man chock full of fashion surprises.
Jay Cutler
Jay Cutler — as he gazes into another lost season — was kind enough to arrive at the podium in the Ron Burgundy Winter Collection. The guy looks as utterly lost and depressed as Burgundy did when he got fired. If there’s anyone who could give Cutler an inspiring pep talk right now, though, it’s Ron. Hang in there, Jay.
Tony Romo
Tony Romo decided to ditch Tyron Smith’s enormous jacket from last week in favor of dressing down and picking his nose. Sadly, this was a major improvement.
Ben Roethlisberger
I am not sure whether Big Ben looks a bullfrog, a blow fish, Grumpy Cat, or is simply attempting to pull off an amateur DeNiro impression, but he’s looking quite dapper nonetheless. (That must mean he was in a good mood.) I’d hate to see this guy after someone takes away his Nintendo privileges.
Peyton Manning
Wow, another pattern on pattern on pattern on pattern debacle from Peyton Manning. A solid colored tie won’t kill you, Pey-Pey. He could’ve worn a tie made entirely of Twizzlers and looked better than he does here.
Andy Dalton
The Bengals lost, so there will be no devilish smiling from Dalton this week, but he did pop his risque, tri-colored collar high to the sky to remind us that he is, in fact, the Bengals’ starting quarterback.
Andrew Luck
Did Andrew Luck throw off his jersey and pads and sprint directly to the podium after Sunday’s game? Because he was an out-of-breath, sweaty mess for this presser. And you know what, that’s exactly how it should be for this fascinating caveman. The fact that he apparently doesn’t care what he looks like in any capacity is strangely refreshing.
Brian Hoyer
The Browns’ site didn’t offer Johnny Football’s press conference, so we’re stuck with Hoyer. The appropriate choice of a plain whitish button-down speaks greatly to his bland personality and unimpressive play on the field. The only interesting aspect I can find here is that Hoyer looks like the Rock after an eight month heroin binge.
Matthew Stafford
These guys are millionaires, yet many of them have found it very difficult to find a jacket that actually, you know, fits. If the collar of your jacket is just hanging off the back of your neck, you have chosen a jacket too large. Once again, get yourself together, Bruh.
Eli Manning
See, now there’s a jacket that fits. But I do have one burning question: Is it required that each quarterback plug or pick their nose at least once during each press conference? Is there some sort of NFL-mandated booger protection program? It’s uncanny.
Joe Flacco
It’s been awhile, so let’s check in on Joe Flacco. Yup, he’s still a harmless zombie with a Super Bowl ring.
Geno Smith
A short-sleeve shirt over a sweatshirt? The New York Jets and their fans will always somehow be a decade or two behind.
Colt McCoy
Here’s McCoy wearing a visor and looking down so as to protect his identity. Sacrificing fashion for self-preservation. Very wise move, Colt. Redskins fans are a crazy lot.
Tom Brady
Tom Brady is from California, so playing in San Diego meant having an opportunity to see his family. That means a three-piece suit bedazzled with Super Bowl trophies was not in order on this day. But even Casual Tom still gets it right. Clean and classy.
Kyle Orton
I’m not so sure a gray fleece goes with this jacket — which is nice — but who cares, this is Kyle Orton, owner of the best haircut in the NFL and possibly the United States. Does Tina Turner’s “Simply The Best” randomly pop in your head whenever Orton makes an appearance? Because it always does for me.
Russell Wilson
After weeks of analyzing Russell Wilson at the podium, I’m pretty sure the Seahawks quarterback believes he’s one of the world’s most feared hitmen. But then you hear him talk and realize he’s about as intimidating as Elvin from the Cosby Show.
Colin Kaepernick
If you ever have a busy Sunday and need to know whether the Niners won or lost, just look at Colin Kaepernick at the podium. Never mind his clashing clothes, I’m kind of worried about the guy. Saddest puppy in the NFL.
Bonus Time
Antonio Brown’s suit either ran itself over with a remarkably aggressive tractor looking to make its mark, or the garment is playing a wild, unorthodox game of Tetris with itself. I’m hoping for the latter.
Either way, judge’s decision: WINNER
Previous Installments of QB Fashion
