Do I Still Feel Compassion for Trump?
The answer to this questions would be, in short: “Yes, I do.”
Here is a question Christopher Holman sent me a couple of days ago, quoted with his permission:
Dear Mateja:
I’m writing an article about self-esteem and confidence, and bumped into the article that you wrote about empathy and Donald Trump…two years ago yesterday. I am wondering if the intervening two years have changed your views and perspective?
I ask you this question in greatest sincerity, curiosity…and without any judgment whatsoever. If I were to show a scintilla of empathy towards this man, it would require my utmost effort…yet I’d like to know how others are able to do this.
Thank you very much.
Chris
The post Chris was referring to is Low Self-Worth Masked as Overconfidence Or why you should feel empathy for people like Trump and two years later, I still stand behind it.
I’m also very grateful to Chris for asking this question since it’s one of the most important questions one can ask: How to feel compassion for someone who makes that incredibly hard and seems to only deserve hatred and contempt?
This is one of the classic predicaments in Buddhism. Since Chinese occupation of Tibet and the resulting gross mistreatment of the Buddhist monks and nuns, for instance, we have seen more than one report on those who have survived this and still managed to feel compassion for their torturers.
‘COMPASSION FOR MY TORTURER’: A MEETING WITH PALDEN GYATSO is one such example. This is what Palden Gyatso said about the feelings he had for his Chinese torturers:
‘It is not that I was without hatred. Especially when I was being tortured by my guards, I had immense hatred against them because I was being hurt. But, as a religious person, after the event I could reflect on what had happened, and I could see that those who inflicted torture did so out of their own ignorance.’
This, in essence, is one of the greatest challenges for any human — how to see the bigger picture and avoid getting lost in hatred towards another. How to understand rather than hate. This is not just a prominent stance in Buddhism, it’s also at the core of Jesus’ teaching.
As a graduate in psychology, I can understand the difference between illness (or disorder) and plain old meanness. In my view and in view of many psychologists and psychiatrists who have, in an unprecedented move, joined the movement Duty to Warn, Trump is a man suffering from a mental disorder known as Malignant Narcissism.
This is an illness, an disorder. Now let me ask you this — would you feel hatred and resentment toward someone suffering from, let’s say, diabetes or cancer? Would you hate them for being sick?
Once you understand that what this man has is an illness, and that this illness is contributing to his behavior as opposed to him making a conscious decision to be evil and mean, it becomes much easier to feel compassion for him. Once we understand how things stand, once we truly understand another, compassion follows without any effort simply as a part of true understanding.
Once you understand, it also becomes possible to start looking for a solution. Hate is not a solution. Hate is an emotion that tells us something is wrong. It serves as a red flag. But while hate informs us that there is a problem, it will not solve the problem, much like a fire alarm will not put the fire out, it will only inform the firefighters that there is a problem they need to solve.
I hope this provided a satisfactory answer to your question, Chris. Feel free to comment and let me know if you’d like to know more. Thank you, again, for your question. I see pondering over such questions as a first step towards enlightenment, which is what I would very much like to achieve myself. It’s necessary to ask and wonder if one wants to reach the point of understanding.
