Answering “Why do I feel bad?”, Part 6: Unhappiness
This post is part of a 14-part series of “issues” — emotions, behaviors, and events — that change your life in ways that cause you to ask, “Why do I feel bad?” These issues range from the familiar (regret, tragedy) to the less obvious (distorted thinking) to the unexpected (attachment issues).
If you haven’t already, read Part 1: Introduction and Context. It explains the purpose of this series (including how to read the diagram in this post), answers some Frequently Asked Questions, and gives recommendations on how to use this series to improve your life.
Unhappiness
Unhappiness differs from most of the other issues covered in this article because it’s not actually an issue. However, unhappiness is such a common occurrence in people’s lives that it deserves some mention.
Yasmine is unhappy and doesn’t know why. In talking to her, an objective observer (a counselor, for example) discovers that she is in conflict with not one but, rather, multiple friends and coworkers.
Further conversation reveals a factor common to all of Yasmine’s conflicts: She is unhappy because she feels these people should be doing what she wants them to, and they are refusing to do so. Yasmine’s issue (which she is not aware of) is a particular type of distorted thinking , often referred to as “should statements” or the Fallacy of Change.
Unhappiness can be very obvious: You’ve had a crummy day, a fight with your partner, or a setback in your job. You know exactly why you are unhappy. As such, it is the answer to the question, “Why do I feel bad?”
But sometimes you feel a vague but persistent unhappiness, and you don’t know where it’s coming from. In such cases, the unhappiness is relaying an important message to you: There is an issue in your life that is causing you to feel bad, and right now it is hidden from you.
In the diagram at top, unhappiness is the pale blue dotted outline that spans almost the entire lower left quadrant. The size and position of this outline indicates that the concept of unhappiness applies to very many situations, varying from very manageable to moderately serious and also varying from very obvious to moderately hidden.
Next → Answering ‘Why do I feel bad?’, Part 7: Inflexibility
You can also read the entire series on one page at greggwilliams.co.
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