Answering “Why Do I Feel Bad?”, Part 1: Introduction and Context
“Here, try this,” says the object of your affections.
You sip. “That’s a surprise. I was expecting bourbon!”
“Well, I know how much you like tequila.”
“And I like the sweet, but…spicy?”
“C’mon, guess.”
“Can’t, all gone. Make me another?”
“Sure.” Then that smile. “I have a few surprises left.”
Guessing what makes your drink delicious can be an enjoyable experience. However, it’s exactly the opposite when you’re trying to figure out why you feel bad. You feel awful and you can’t figure out why.
“Bad” can take many forms. Maybe you’re feeling sad.
Or you find yourself snapping at your partner and children.
Or you just don’t have any energy, and this been going on for a while.
You may be thinking, Leave me alone — I’m feeling bad enough as it is.
I understand the feeling; I’ve been there myself. But what I can tell you from my own experience is this:
- Knowing makes things less frightening, not more.
- And understanding, really understanding, why you feel bad is the beginning of feeling better.
After all, how can you get rid of your baggage if you don’t know where it is?
What could be causing this?
This article covers 14 different events, emotions, and behaviors that often cause people to ask, “Why do I feel bad?” (For brevity, the 12 that are either emotions or behaviors will be referred to as issues.) The diagram below maps out where these issues and events are in relation to each other, how serious they tend to be, and how likely (or unlikely) you are to be aware of them.
Some caveats: Because people are complicated, it’s difficult to talk about any one person’s situation in a meaningful way. Be sure to read the sections “How can I use this diagram?” And “Disclaimer,” both at the end of this web page, for some guidelines.
About the diagram
Your experience of a specific issue — for example, unhappiness — can be represented by a point on this diagram. The horizontal distance of that point from the left border of the diagram represents how serious your experience is. The vertical distance of that point from the bottom border represents how obvious or hidden it is.
Your experience of an issue will depend on your life history, the situation you are in, and other factors. The point representing your experience may or may not fall within the rectangle shown for that issue.
Note that some issues are drawn as outlines rather than solid rectangles. This was done to make the diagram more readable and has no other significance. Two rectangles have dotted outlines, which means they are events that may or may not be associated with one of the issues represented elsewhere on the diagram.
Where did the issues go?
If you were to look at the entire series in one place, this is where all 14 of the issues would be.
But that’s over 6,000 words of text, and who would read that?
Instead, the issues will be presented as a series of blog posts. Read one a day, and you’ll be done before you know it.
Feel free to begin with the first issue, embarrassment, then come back here to finish.
Or start with something you’re probably unfamiliar with, like distorted thinking or attachment issues.
Or go directly to something that looks interesting to you:
Embarrassment Regret and Guilt Remorse
Shame Unhappiness Inflexibility
Distorted Thinking Denial Tragedy and Loss
Despair Grief Trauma
Attachment Issues
You can also see the entire series on one page at greggwilliams.co.
Still here? Then on to the end of the series.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why aren’t depression and anxiety discussed in this article?
This series is about different issues (underlying causes) that can result in you feeling bad. On the other hand, depression and anxiety are ways in which you can feel bad.
Brad is inflexible about a number of things in his life. Because of this, he loses friends and his coworkers avoid him. Miki is in grief because her beloved grandmother has just died.
Both Brad and Miki are depressed. But without knowing the underlying issues, neither of them is well-equipped to start fighting their depression.
What if my situation isn’t covered here?
This series covers the issues underlying the most common noncritical problems that people encounter in daily life. It does not cover situations caused by a mental disorder or problems in the body.
In addition, you may not be able to match your situation with an issue because it is hidden from you, because it doesn’t match the description given here, or because it isn’t covered in this article.
What if I feel my issue is more (or less) serious than what the diagram shows?
This is entirely possible, and you should always go with what you believe to be true. Depending on various factors, the point representing your experience may or may not fall within the rectangle shown for the corresponding issue.
You refer to both counseling and therapy. What’s the difference?
They’re both words for the same thing. For more details, read my What is Therapy? FAQ.
How can I use this diagram?
Most of us don’t know what the problem is when something goes wrong with our car, and the same is true when something goes wrong with our life and we begin to feel bad. In both cases, we just don’t know enough about the underlying “machinery” to figure out what’s wrong.
You can use the diagram in this series (along with the text devoted to each of the 14 issues and events) for the following purposes:
To think about what your issue might be
The diagram is like one of those “under the hood” drawings in your car manual that names the most important pieces of the machinery and shows you their locations. In a somewhat similar way, the diagram and its related text allows you to put names to important “pieces” and shows you where they are in relation to each other. Just being able to name your underlying issue can help you deal with feeling bad.
Don’t worry if you can’t identify what your issue might be — this is very common. But this diagram can help you ask useful questions: Is this more like remorse or shame? Does this feel as serious as grief? Am I being inflexible about something? You may be surprised by how much you can discover.
To decide how concerned you should be about your situation
In the end, you have the final say in deciding how serious your situation is. Keeping that in mind, knowing the location of your issue can help you put your situation in perspective. For example, you might say, “Well, even if I’ve got a bad case of remorse, I don’t think it’s all that serious.”
To think about whether to seek counseling
The article is useful here to the extent that it helps you answer the questions How serious does this feel? and Is the underlying cause of all this hidden from me?
And you can also ask yourself more questions: Have I had this problem for a long period of time? Have I tried several things to improve the situation, but nothing worked? Is this problem getting worse? Have I given up hope it will get better?
Whether or not to seek counseling is your decision, but here are some things to consider. The more serious the situation feels or the more hidden the underlying cause seems to you, the more likely it is that counseling can help.
In closing
There are many answers to the question, “Why do I feel bad?” Underneath whatever you are feeling is the underlying issue that is causing the particular flavor of “bad” that you’re feeling. Some of them are obvious (for example, regret and tragedy), some may not be immediately obvious (denial, trauma), an some are often or always hidden from view (distorted thinking, attachment issues).
The purpose of this article has been to tell you a little about the most common issues underneath your feeling bad — what are, how they can affect you, and how serious they tend to be.
The good news is you can improve your life by thinking about these issues and how they connect to how you’re feeling. As you get better at recognizing the issues underneath the problems, you’ll also get better at dealing with them.
Finally, it’s important to know that professional help is available if the problems in your life get too serious or too confusing.
Knowing more about yourself and why you act the way you do is always a good thing. Such insights can start you on the path of making your life happier and more satisfying.
Disclaimer
This series contains information, not advice. It’s up to you to evaluate this information and decide whether it applies to your situation. Under no circumstances should you let this article influence you to delay or refuse to consider seeking professional help.
You should interpret statements about issues, emotions, and behaviors as “true in general, but not always.” Such statements may or may not match your individual situation.
If you feel “stuck” or your problems feel serious, consider seeking counseling (see my “What Is Therapy?” FAQ).
Author’s Note
Our society does not teach us to be aware of our emotions, or how events and thoughts can change our emotions. Nor does it give us any tools for helping us learn about these things.
I wrote this series from a desire to provide a starting point for learning about your inner life, because this is the beginning of improving the rest of your life.
I hope you have learned something interesting or useful here. Please share this series with others. To give me encouragement for my work, I’d appreciate it if you would click the ❤ button below.
Check out my Medium publication, Your Better Life.
Personal wisdom, articles that shift your thinking in important ways, things that will make your life better. Quality content that adds something good to your life.
You can find YBL at https://FindYourBetterLife.com/— that’s “find your better life DOT com.”
And to follow/subscribe, just click the icon at the bottom of any article page.
