Answering “Why do I feel bad?”, Part 7: Inflexibility
This post is part of a 14-part series of “issues” — emotions, behaviors, and events — that change your life in ways that cause you to ask, “Why do I feel bad?” These issues range from the familiar (regret, tragedy) to the less obvious (distorted thinking) to the unexpected (attachment issues).
If you haven’t already, read Part 1: Introduction and Context. It explains the purpose of this series (including how to read the diagram in this post), answers some Frequently Asked Questions, and gives recommendations on how to use this series to improve your life.
Inflexibility
Now we turn to the first of three indirect issues that don’t, in and of themselves, make people feel bad. Rather, they feel bad because of the consequences of these issues.
Jerome owned a publicity agency that represented a small number of musicians and bands. He promoted his artists the same way he did when he started his agency, and he refused to consider newer publicity techniques. “I want to stop hearing about this social-media crap,” he said. “I’ve been in business forever, and I already know what works.” He refused to acknowledge that now, the public is finding out about and buying music in new ways.
When a friend asked Jerome why he felt bad, he said, “Are you kidding? I’m stressed out all the time, and I can’t sleep because I’m afraid I’m going to lose everything!” All Jerome saw was stress and anxiety, but his underlying issue was inflexibility.
In your life, when you insist on following a certain thought, belief, or way of doing things, you are being inflexible. You may ignore strong signs that what you’re insisting on is a bad idea. You may also argue that someone or something “should” cooperate with what you want. Your mind uses these and other techniques to avoid confronting evidence that what you want to do will cause problems for you.
If you continue being inflexible, you will experience further consequences. Your quality of life will diminish because you are avoiding thoughts, feelings, and experiences that challenge whatever you’re inflexible about. Your conflicts with others (or with reality itself) suck up time and energy that you would otherwise use more productively. And the more you defend your inflexibility, the worse your life becomes. Behaving this way can lead to serious problems, including anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and decreased access to your emotions (alexithymia).
In the diagram at top, inflexibility is the gray rectangle in the lower left quadrant. You can see from its position that it is less obvious and more serious then issues like embarrassment, regret, and guilt. It can be somewhat hidden because people don’t want to think of themselves as inflexible, or because their inflexibility has become a habit that they truly don’t see.
Next → Answering ‘Why do I feel bad?’, Part 8: Distorted Thinking
You can also read the entire series on one page at greggwilliams.co.
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