Answering “Why do I feel bad?”, Part 9: Denial
This post is part of a 14-part series of “issues” — emotions, behaviors, and events — that change your life in ways that cause you to ask, “Why do I feel bad?” These issues range from the familiar (regret, tragedy) to the less obvious (distorted thinking) to the unexpected (attachment issues).
If you haven’t already, read Part 1: Introduction and Context. It explains the purpose of this series (including how to read the diagram in this post), answers some Frequently Asked Questions, and gives recommendations on how to use this series to improve your life.
Denial
Denial, a refusal to acknowledge some aspect of one’s life or behavior, is almost always a bad thing. (This article ignores its occasional positive uses — for example, helping you cope with a situation that you have no control over.)
As with inflexibility and distorted thinking, denial is an indirect issue. You don’t feel bad because of denial itself — rather, it’s because of things that you do as a result of being in denial.
When his company announced that the division he led was to be split up and absorbed by other divisions, Carlos wasn’t worried — he got angry. “We’re too damn profitable for them to break us up,” he said. “I’m not going to let them ruin this company without a fight!” The company had planned to have Carlos replace another division manager who was about to retire, but his hostile behavior resulted in his being laid off.
When something happens that makes you feel seriously vulnerable, unacceptable, afraid, anxious, or helpless, you may respond to it with some form of denial. You may also respond with denial when you believe that you can neither escape or cope with the situation.
In denial, you may respond with overt opposition, self-justification, minimization, making excuses, blaming others, or some other behavior that allows you to distance yourself from the experience. You may be aware of your denial — but often you are not.
In the diagram at top, denial is the pink rectangle in the bottom center of the diagram. Because denial can be motivated by a serious threat, it can be a substantially serious issue. For this reason, its rectangle is located to the right of inflexibility and other issues that are located in the left (more manageable) half of the diagram. Its slight distance above the bottom border indicates that denial is usually a little hidden from the person in denial — and sometimes seriously so.
Next → Answering ‘Why do I feel bad?’, Part 10: Tragedy and Loss
You can also read the entire series on one page at greggwilliams.co.
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