So This Is The New Year
If you haven’t already heard my various New Years pods, you should give them a listen:
If you’re disappointed to not hear me provide a scathing inditement of US President Donny Haircut, check out this week’s episode of Comatose Podcast, Bluebird, Time, and Outrage.
A little more than 2 years ago in my first New Year’s segment on Comatose I pondered time and healing, and I wondered:
“If healing isn’t fixing what’s wrong, but learning to move past it, am I ok with a band-aid that covers a scar that never goes away?”
“Am I ok with the skeletons living in the closet with me forever?”
The answer was:
“Maybe… I’ll let you know how I feel in 2017.”
Well, 2017 is here and, as promised, I’ll provide an update.
And if you’re looking for a straightforward answer that doesn’t involve a brash non-sequitur that leads into a barely-relevant metaphor, you’ve come to the wrong place.
I spend a lot of time thinking about antibiotic resistance.
I saw a demonstration where viruses were placed into growth medium treated in stages with exponentially-increasing doses of antibiotics.
Place the virus at the part of the scale where the dose is 100,000x the recommended and it dies immediately.
Place it on the 1x side, and it will grow up to the border with 10x and the strongest mutation will break on through to the other side, as it were.
That will continue until the same virus that months earlier had shriveled and died at the far end of the experiment is thriving in conditions previously thought to be Lethal.
Is this impressive?
To us, yes. To the bacteria, no. They’re just doing their thing. This is their new normal. They’ve simply grown accustomed to it.
So why did I tell you this?
First of all, antibiotic resistance is a serious problem, and our literally DOZENS of readers should finish all medicine prescribed to them, and take it only when advised by a doctor.
And for God’s sake, don’t dump unused medicine out into the sink or down the toilet, no matter how fun it is.
The second reason is because that’s what happens to us too.
In the time since I recorded about the guy on the train (who was not at all a representation of myself at 20, I can assure you) I’ve gotten a new job that provides me with challenges that 2 years ago me would have buckled under.
I have financial responsibilities that would have bankrupt me. I’m resistant to what would have figuratively killed me 2 years ago.
I also still think about my failed past relationships. Just not with the intensity of 2013 or 2015.
Something else that’s NOT new:
Last week I felt that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I hadn’t felt for about 2 years.
Someone who I have unrequited feelings for made it known that they were seeing someone.
That feeling of utter dejection, hollow emptiness doesn’t change.
What’s new is who I had it about.
Someone who I didn’t even know when I made that first recording, which inspired this piece. What’s new since then is that I don’t get it about the person who I got it about then.
It’s not the what that’s changed, it’s the who.
So do I still think that time doesn’t really heal, it just obscures?
Yeah, I do.
I was recently at a seminar and the facilitator asked:
“who haven’t you forgiven but you want to?”
I knew that I wanted to, but wouldn’t be able to, forget what happened, but I also realized I didn’t want to forgive either. Everything that happened is still there, but now those memories now have 100% more stuff between me and them than they did 2 years ago, and the amount of time of my life that it took up was 24% less than it was when I started.
While those feelings may be buried under more stuff, they’re still there, and I can dig them out if I’m that inclined.
Or someone else can run across them totally by accident, but the biggest difference? 2 years ago I asked:
“Am I ok with putting a bandaid over a scar that will never heal?”
2 years later and I’ve stopped wearing the bandaid.
The scar is discussed and showed off, the story of how I got it is joked about. It comes up in casual conversation and is laughed at.
It’s not a scar, it’s just… there.
It’s just a part of the landscape. I’m not upset that it got put there, I just accept that that’s where it is. Maybe Healing isn’t burying, but accepting.
It turns out Elizabeth Kubler Ross was right the whole time.
Written by Louis Reich of Comatose.
Comatose is a weekly series of amusing anecdotes, insightful commentary, and pithy stories. Every week three contributors are featured in short segments. The segments, though often unrelated, are tied together using music and narration to set the scene. Relax and enjoy the ride while listening to topics as varied as love, birthdays, and reciprocity.
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