Do You Miss Your Hair?

Murdered Hair by Arlene S.
Can a hair cut sometimes be more than just a hair cut?

I don’t know why, I can’t put a finger on it. Maybe it was because I was an 80’s baby and a 90’s child. However, I always wanted long hair. Maybe it was because long hair was all the rage in the 90’s.

From my three favourite power rangers (Zach, Tommy, [with whom I share a surname, so you can’t tell me he isn’t my cousin] and Adros) to the King of Pop himself, all the cool guys had long hair.

Growing up as the only black kid in my school only reconfirmed this desire. All of my female friends have super long hair and all of my mates had surfer cuts.

Whilst I didn’t want to be white, I was envious of their hair.

I either wanted to do whatever it was Michael Jackson did to his hair, or have box braids and grow them bowl cut length. Either way my dad refuted my pleas.

So I was beyond gleeful at the age of 13, when I was suddenly allowed to be in control of my own hair.

At the time, I was still in very strict private schools, so I kept it short until the last two months of my eighth-grade year. I would be starting private school for high school and I was super excited to have cornrows for it.

Then something strange happened.

I had cornrows, and then cut my hair off during my ninth grade year. Something about it felt oddly satisfying and free. This pattern would continue until I was around 19 years old.

I would grow my hair suppppppppper long, and then cut it all off.

I can’t tell you why.

However, at the age of 19 when I was considering cutting my hair off in order to loc it, I just decided to braid it up for a year and then loc the new growth.

And thus I haven’t had a full on hair cut in a decade.

Within the past decade, long hair has become the fixture that eight year old me longed for. Long hair became my staple, and it became inseparable from who I was.

My wardrobe changed in order to help me balance out being tall and lanky, (I wore a lot of women’s flared jeans and button down shirts with rosaries) with long hair.

My accessory game constantly consisted of hair ties and or headbands.

However, there has been a certain thought creeping up on me recently: the thought to cut my hair.

Now, I am not going to cut it off.

I am thinking about “trimming” it.

Or cutting it off into a bob.

However, I can’t help but feel as if it’s related to me turning 30. I know that if I cut my hair I will hate it. I’ll regret the years of growth that I’ll lose.

Therefore it remains a thought.

However, I can’t help but try to psychoanalyse myself and wonder, if a hair cut can ever be anything more than simply a hair cut…

I guess I’ll never find out, as I can’t imagine my life without my hair.
Written by Nayokenza Robyn Oliver of Comatose.


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