That first step.
It’s been a long time since I have posted. A long time.
I have been battling my inner demons for the best part of a year and a half. It’s only the last half a year where I have found the courage to start fighting on my terms. Having reflected on some previous post, notable Chaos it seems I’ve come a long way yet have a fair old stretch in front of me. Along the way you learn to pick and chose your mental battles, making sure your energy is focused on the right things. I’m not going to write all that has happened, I’m just going to tell you about the first step for now.
I remember it quite clearly to say recently my memory seems to falter. It was another battling day at work, a job where I give far more than I receive. The emotional pressure built inside me was immense and all it took was a phone call from my now girlfriend to light the fuse on the bundle of dynamite. It wasn’t an inflammatory conversation, quite the opposite in fact. It was a kind and caring conversation, a conversation where I found myself crying for the first time in a long time. Admitting you are struggling and losing a seemingly imaginary fight is so incredibly hard for someone like myself who makes sure to keep his barriers high and strong.
That phone call empowered me, a seemingly infinite amount of weight lifted off my shoulders. I made plans there and then on how to seek out help. By the end of the day I had an appointment with a professional to understand what was happening.
I’ve now had 15 sessions with some a lot tougher and tiring than others, especially at the start. My progress has been immense but I am an impatient fool who gets frustrated with a seemingly lack of progress. That’s why it’s so important to reflect and chart your progress by which medium (pun intended) that works for you.
Some great places to start with taking your first step can be found here:
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/your-mental-health/getting-help
Most importantly turning to your friends, family or even a stranger (professional or otherwise) in your time of need is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. It’s a tiny, but incredibly important step to start talking about it so be brave, be strong and do your best in all you do.
Many thanks,
Andy Johnny Young
