Stop assuming and start BEING
As humans, we seek approval. Don’t try to fight it, you know it’s true.
Whether that approval be from your parents, your boss, your kids, your spouse, or your clients, your actions are chosen in search of validation. If your parents raised you to believe that society expects you to behave a certain way then your fear of rejection will guide choices more than your desire to be authentic.
In the book, The Five Levels of Attachment, don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. discusses how our identity is based on what we think others want us to be rather than who we chose to be. Everything we think and do is based on the beliefs we have adopted from others to be true about ourselves. Think about it…
You parents tell you to calm down as you are getting on their nerves. You become fearful that your authenticity will offend or annoy others…this is the struggle of many of my clients in adulthood.
A bully tells you you are fat, you believe it enough to live a life of self loathing and overeating…I know this one well as it was my “truth” for many years.
A parent is constantly doing things for you as though you can never do anything up to their standards…you grow up believing that you can’t be trusted to make your own decisions and never do anything right. This is also another struggle MANY of my clients have.
A teacher tells you that you are smart because you got good grades and recruits you to care for the kids in class who are struggling while simultaneously denying your request to excel and be challenged more with higher levels of curriculum…You grow up believing that your wants/needs to grow don’t matter and that your purpose in life is to follow the rules without question…this too was me.
Most of our current identity is based on a false assumption we made back as a child. A time when we were most influenced by association was the moment we formed beliefs about who the world wanted us to be and we became it. We decided in those precious moments that we wanted to keep the peace and avoid conflict. We didn’t want to get in trouble or be “disciplined” for doing something the adults did not approve of and so we chose our battles with care, fighting only for things that would gain us immediate gratification and ease the suffering with a quick burst of Dopamine.
“When we become too attached to an ideal, the first thing that we lose is respect; first for the people around us, and eventually for ourselves.” -Miguel Ruiz, Jr.
Growing up assuming we know who we are creates a wickedly powerful ego…
We grow up defending our point of view rather than being open to growth. Our approach to life becomes more of a survival process rather than seeking ways to thrive. The actions we take are carefully chosen so as not to upset others and in time, we become less and less respectful of our own time, energy, and mind.
Life becomes all about DOING and less about BEING.
DO this and you will be accepted. BE this and you will not.
Where most people go wrong is in believing that what they have been taught is absolute truth. It’s not. Really, the insults and jabs the people throw around are more about them then they are about you. Hence the reason why don Miguel Ruiz, Sr. says that we must not take anything personal in his book, The Four Agreements.
And so…with all that being said, in order to live a GOOD life by your own standards, you must learn the difference between doing virtuous acts in search of validation vs. consciously being who and what you need to be in order to feel authentic.
Over all my years of researching comparative religions, I never heard it so simply put as when Dr. Amit Goswami said that we must find a balance in the “Do, be, do, be, do.”
I mean really, when you look at productivity tools everything is about DO THIS but when you look at spirituality tools it all says BE THIS. Very rarely is there a bridge between the two. I find this to be one of the many reasons why there is such a disconnect between the entrepreneurially successful and the woo woo communities. One is about doing the other is about being and neither realizes that you can’t have one without the other.
Even something as simple as saying “I AM love” without actually acting on that beingness means that you are NOT it. To say that you are DOING work means that you are BEING something.
Consider this…
When you are DOING busy work hoping others will see your worth, you are BEING unworthy of self approval.
When you are DOING work for the sake of learning and supporting a goal, you are BEING success.
See, when we realize what we are choosing to BE and how we are supporting it with the DO, we have a better understanding of what we need to adjust in order to get the results from life we REALLY want!
Funny thing is, the Universe responds to our BEING something IN ACTION (DOING). So when we decide that we want something to change, we must become it in action and the Universe responds with MORE of it.
Today, I invite you to consider how your DO and BE are working together or against each other. Really decide if you are DOING to impress others, assuming you know what they want from you OR if you are BEING who you need to be for YOU and DOING your best to be authentic in your actions.
For more insights and wisdom like this, subscribe to my podcast on iTunes, find me on Anchor, and check out my weekly Masterclasses on FB LIVE. Blessings.
